More food anyone?

The painter arrived an hour early today and my blood pressure went into shock mode as I fell out of bed to beg them to give me 5mins, so I could throw on my jeans etc. Turned out that my dash to get dressed and have a pee in record time was all for nothing as the painter took one look at the new plaster and signed it off as not dry enough to paint yet!
Also he only had magnolia on the van and my bathroom is a pretty duck egg green/blue colour. He must have thought I was mad as he was trying to get me to agree on what shade was the nearest to my bathroom colour next to his colour chart. I insisted on either talking to him through tight lips or with my hand across my mouth while backing away from him all the time. The 5mins get dressed and pee time, didn't include time to clean my teeth and my mouth always feels like a bear's bum when I wake up in the morning!
I was beginning to slump after they had gone back to their depot to report why they couldn't paint. So I had a hot bath in my half completed bathroom to ease my aching shoulders and neck and to stop my frantically beating heart from trying to get out of my chest via my ears!
At least I didn't have plaster dust exfoliating my bum like I have ever since the plaster came last Friday, but I did rub on some 'Deep Heat' when I got out of the bath and dried myself.
Dear God, the heat on my neck was so intense that I thought it was on fire... so act two of me dashing around the bungalow followed, only this time to the vocal accompaniment of me swearing my head off, while trying to wipe the 'Deep Heat' off!

Later my friend called in to see me as she was off to see her doctor and I glad to say that she looked a lot better than when I had seen her last time. She is still tearful, but today only one tear escaped, so she is getting there however slowly. It's awful to think that work can give you a purpose in life and a confidence that you can achieve all sorts, but if the tide changes it can also rob you of your self esteem and shake the foundations that you stand on so very quickly.
I am thankful that I am away from all this mayhem at the moment.
But we had a lovely lunch and brought our fears out into the open, as that is the only way that you can deal with them, giving each other hug.
After she left, I picked up Reni from work and as she hadn't eaten, I ended up having another lunch with her at Prezzos otherwise she probably wouldn't make herself anything. Won't be wanting food tonight I shouldn't think. I felt like I was appearing in the Christmas episode of 'the Vicar of Dibley!'
So tonight I will go and have a massage on my neck and shoulders and see if she can't get them to sit where they are supposed to be and not up around my ears!

Lots of love Debbie x

OAP v little old me

Well I remembered going to bed, but that's all I remember until this morning when I was woken up by the sound of a ambulance siren. I did wonder for a minute if I had died in my sleep and that they were coming for me!
I called mother to make sure they weren't coming for her and was rewarded by a very chirpy mother with a lot more energy than her clapped out daughter.
I then had a call from the Respiratory team who were a bit concerned about my stats and low blood pressure. I promised that I will chill out today and get checked over when I get to rehab this afternoon.
Looks like my blood pressure just goes very low through the night and my stats are just very low. So what's new! Was hoping that Ruth would say that I didn't have to do sit to stands etc as I've been feeling fatigued, but no such joy. I was even lapped by the 'Oldies' today while doing the 3min walk, how humiliating! But I did feel slightly better for the exercise, although my shoulders are now killing me from doing the side arm raises. You win some, you lose some!

Looks like I'm going to have to buy a fridge freezer quicker than I thought as I have dark water leaking from somewhere. Not sure where though, as the fridge inside is still ok and doing what it's suppose to do, but it is very old and I was going to replace it as soon as I got my retirement money. Lets hope it holds out that long, as I've heard nothing from HR at work as yet. There are quite a few things to replace or just to buy, but I am only too aware that I mustn't go on a spending spree. Hopefully that money will have to last me a long time if all goes well with the transplant, but it would be nice to put my signature on the bungalow.

I think it's time to go and have a long soak, as my shoulders and arms are seizing up well!

Lots of love Debbie x

After the giggles cometh the fridge freezer

I am so tired that I am even too tired to cry!

I have had a fab overnight stay away with the girls from work at an oldie worldly charm hotel in Ipswich and I do declare that at one stage in the evening we were the noisiest and if not the noisiest than the ones having the most fun.

It was rather like a military operation getting all my medical equipment into the car and then out again at the other end and into my hotel room, but we survived and mine and Sam's boudoir from the night was 'simply gorgeous darling!'
We tried out the hotel's facilities as soon as we arrived and we swam, steamed and dry cleaned ourselves in the hotel spa, followed by afternoon tea before going on to the main reason for our visit... the Murder Mystery night.
We dressed up in our posh frocks and high heels, ok I don't feel safe wearing high heels so for me it was leopard skin pumps and tried to solve the crime as we ate our ways through our dinners and Sally photographed us at every step.
It was all jolly good fun and we screeched with laughter when Sue got up on the stage and sung a song about 'the baby who got washed down the drain pipe' to a bemused smattering of leftover dinners, as she performed her truth or dare as we had resorted to playing after the 'murderer' was on his way home.
Once we were ousted from the dining room so they could set it up for the next day, we went off to the bar and played more games and drank more liquid nectar until we were ousted out again.
Come 2am, Sam and myself finally turned off our bedroom lights after catching up all everything happening to us both in our grown up sleep over.

Needless to say, we didn't go swimming the next morning as planned!

I returned home in desperate need of a nap, but was hurtled into sorting out the delivery of mother's new fridge freezer which alas turned out was just too tall for the gap. I had to sort out her cupboards as the delivery men had to put the fridge in front of one of them until Julie's lovely husband comes and does his magic and we can get the malefactor object called a fridge into the glaring empty gap. Plus while doing sorting all this, mother was annoyed that I had thrown out her new creme caramels that had been out of the fridge for four hours and were far too warm for comfort and there was a lot of head hanging. To make matters more stressful I was then told that she had fell over in the kitchen while I was away at the hotel and was made to feel a real heel, all because I was arguing about my insistence on throwing away out of date food etc from cupboards. Food that dated back to 2006!

My mother can reduce me to tears very easily, but I was too tired to do so and an outing to the shops to get her some more cream caramels and then cooking her a meal of liver and bacon, left me feeling like a wet dishcloth that had been wrung out and left to dry. Luckily Oliver and Reni came to my rescue and helped me sort out her kitchen and Oliver pacified my mother with his charm.
And good luck for me was a thoughtful Julie who showed up with a bowl full of sausage casserole for my evening meal and coercing me into a lovely hot bubble bath before I was reduced into a weeping wreck. Thank God for friends and family that know when to help and when to take charge.
Now I can go to my bed and hopefully sleep my blood pressure and stats both back up to normal and be ready to fight another day.
To Julie and all my friends and to Oliver and Reni... I love you very much.

Lots of love Debbie x

I am the youngest of the family

After the fiasco of mother's fridge freezer breaking down and trying to sort out the contents which by now were very soggy and were obviously the reason for her last upset stomach... Mother forgets that food coming out the freezer should be hard and this is one of the reasons I cook for her every night, apart from the other night after I had taken her out to Maldon...
I feel aggrieved.

Not because I have eaten any of the melted feast, but because even though I am there everyday of mother's life and have been for the last six or seven years and taken her out every Sunday for the last ten years, my opinion is still doubted when it comes to something like this. Even now with me making her evening meal every night, caring for her when she's sick, running her where ever she wants to go, taking her out so she has some sort of a social life and getting every problem sorted out from cutting the grass to buying new freezers, when it comes down to it, my sister's judgement is the one she trusts, all because I am the youngest.
This was all over the fact mother had dragged the contents of the freezer back out the dustbin after deciding to make a claim and I had said it wasn't worth it for twenty quid. Mother was not amused and said that she would discuss it with my elder sister.
Bless her she will waste pounds on cakes and garden bulbs from Holland and other far flung places... my mother gets a lot of junk mail and try as I might, she hangs on to it and orders all sorts of crap... but when it comes to something like this the problems start!
I feel hurt. I shouldn't be as I know my mother far too well as she hates to throw anything away, but I can't help but I do feel hurt. I feel that I never get taken seriously by my family and that I will always be the youngest so there for... ignored, or at least my opinion.

Luckily I was whisked away by my friends to a hen night for Julie's youngest step-son's fiance at the 'Comedy Club' in Chelmsford. It was fun to be able to laugh out loud and good to dress up girlie to feel normal again, I actually got some smiles from the gents behind our table... until I had to wear my oxygen and then I turned into a pumpkin. I felt like shrinking into the curtains, I was just thankful it was dark in there while the acts were on.
I was worried that I might get a few Darth Vadar jokes thrown at me, but luckily we were far enough away from the firing range and I doubt they would have risked it in case I fell on the table sobbing or sued them or in my case of being Ms Angry, chinned them with my oxygen unit!

Today I have more men then I can shake a stick at, as the workmen have come to fix the damp in the bathroom. It turned out to be a bigger job than first thought as apparently I have a leak under my bath... Mmm no wonder it always smelt damp in there. So I am on tea duty until I have to go to rehab and then I'll leave them to it. I can't drink too much tea as I'll need to keep peeing and they are not too happy when I have to stop them to use the bathroom... Oh happy days!

Lots of love Debbie x

Real shopping v Internet shopping... Mmmm?

Went from being hot to cold and ack to hot most of last evening and until I finally dropped off to sleep. I guess it was down to some sort of virus or something equally horrid. Found since the clocks have gone back that I have turned into this hibernating bear. I'd love to say bunny, but I feel with my grumpy moods of just late, a bear is far more in keeping with me! Anyway come about 4pm, I get quite dozy and have to fight the urge to fall asleep.

Did a catch up day on little tasks around the house and a bit of window shopping ready for when I get my pension and lump sum. Not that it will be a lot mind you, but enough to buy some much needed updates around the bungalow.
1. a fridge freezer, as Ruth has suggested that it's a good idea for those who live alone to have a store of ready meals and I can't keep relying on the goodwill of my friends and family especially as I get weaker.
2. a new mattress, as springs were beginning to poke in my back until Oliver kindly gave me their memory foam topper. I'd love to say my mattress was killed in action, but that would be stretching the truth some what!
3. a food processor, but I think Jean has that for an idea as a leaving present from work.
4. a new kettle
5. new bedroom curtains as mine are cast offs from my mother.

But who knows I might have the 60min make over team come to play in my bungalow, but knowing my luck it would be the dark haired woman who is even too abstract even for me and I would cry when I walked in! Never have been able to hide my feelings. So if anyone has an inkling to do this, French country chic in blue and white in my bedroom, Turkish charm in my hallway, retro in my kitchen and comfy and calm in my living room, in fact calm everywhere! No zebra stripes to be seen ok! And remember I cry at the drop of a hat just lately, so maybe not a wise move to have them round after all.

The man in the bed shop epitomized everything I hate about salesmen and that is you look at a reasonable mattress and they show you one for over £1,000 and when you say that they are having a laugh, they lose interest in you. No wonder so much is brought over the Internet, at least you don't have to deal with contemptible salesmen like him.
The tasks around the house were equally arduous, as I was on my hands and knees washing the kitchen floor while wearing my oxygen... something wrong with that picture really. But it has to be done and the leaning over, shaking backwards and forwards did dislodge some hard to move nasties in my lungs, so every cloud has a silver lining!
I do have a horrible taste in my mouth and sensation come smell in my nose at the moment, not sure what that is all about, will check with physio this week, guess all part of this mystery weekend virus?

Lots of love Debbie x

Trolley Dolly in leisure pants!

Today I spent the morning browsing the Internet for a walker. I can't believe someone hasn't designed a fab one for girlies like me, because I have exhausted every site going and the jazziest one I could find was a bright blue one. Even the site where I found my Marilyn Monroe shopping trolley for transporting my first oxygen cylinder around has let me down. I feel there is a gap on the market here, so maybe I should go into designing walkers for the fabulous! After all as Barbara cheered me up by saying, I was about to become a 'Trolley Dolly', now I can handle being that... I love it!

Went out looking for pj bottoms, but unfortunately no luck. I did however relinquished any fashion values I had to a pair of velour leisure pants... unfortunately I hadn't realised they were for short legs, so now I look like an Essex girl reject!
Lovely and warm apart from the six inch gap between my slippers and their hem. Should I start wearing thongs and have them showing while my bum hangs out of my leisure pants and saying 'Shut up' after everything people say to you in a whiny voice!? Or maybe I should train the way I speak to go 'up' at the end of every sentence to make it sound like a question? Hell and they take the Michael out of me being a carrot cruncher! After watching that 'Essex' programme, I bet there will be quite a few others like me who say they live on the Suffolk borders!

Had my physio at the hospital today and really felt worn out when I returned home, so fell asleep on the sofa only to wake up in the pitch dark! Luckily it was where the clocks have gone back and not the fact I had slept well into the evening. Felt very odd tonight though, which was a shame as Jean had treated me to a belated birthday meal at the Compasses, my fav restaurant. I think it could have been the heat in the restaurant and the fact we were sitting near a radiator, as I came over all unnecessary and had to go to the bathroom twice in ten minutes just to cool down. Maybe whatever it was I had at the weekend hasn't quite left the building!

Lots of love Debbie x

Flirting makes the world go round

Still a wee bit on the sluggish side today, but it's brighter outside and I'm feeling brighter too. Amazing what a little bit of sunshine does to the spirits... Ooo maybe I have SAD syndrome as well, nah as I love being snuggled up on the sofa with 'Midsummers Murders', a cup of tea and a bourbon biscuit on a gloomy day too!
But my mother has this idea that if I'm home and breathing, then we should be doing something! So I prepared and packed mother and myself some healthy fish salads and set off for 'our spot' on Maldon prom. Crowds had thinned out, but still plenty to watch from the comfort of my car and a riot of colour going on out there.
The boating lake is obviously the place to meet a man, as there was four of them with their remote controlled boats playing on the lake as well as two men crabbing. It was actually quite entertaining to watch, as there is definitely boat envy going on with them. You could almost hear them go 'Woo' as an old guy stepped up to the lake with a not one, but a three masted sailing boat and lovingly handmade over the last two years no doubt. And bugger me, if my mother wasn't waving and smiling at them all... the floozy! God I hope she doesn't want me to go on a double date with her!

I was very relieved that for once that I had to go to rehab and before my mother was branded a scarlet woman, I set off home.
Rehab was ok, not as packed as it has been and there was a new lady that was nearer my age than all of the others. They are all very sweet, but it's beneficial for me to have someone that I can chat to otherwise I drag my heels at going each time.
My mother wanted to come with me today, but no doubt if she did, she'd be chatting the men up there too! God I can imagine it... walking sticks at twenty paces by the wives that tag along. Still the act of flirting puts roses in her cheeks and I must admit I do take after her... just a little bit of course.

Lots of love Debbie x