Am I a night worker?

Golly, I proved to myself today that I can get up early and still function. This early rising this morning was only because Derek came round to fix something at my mother's and he doesn't know the meaning of the words 'lie in.'
When we were on holiday, us girls would be laying in our beds with a hangover and he would be up cooking breakfast after already lapping Hisaruno village for a morning walk.
Ok Julie gets up early too, I guess that's being married to Derek, but Ann who says she always gets up early, would always be a close call with me!

After he went and I had washed up mother's breakfast things, I hit the supermarket.
I couldn't sleep again last night, so at 1am I decided to tidy my kitchen food cupboards, then my fridge and lastly my freezer.
All out of date store cupboard food stuff... surprisingly there was a bit... was bagged up and all the shelves were washed down, before I put everything neatly away.
So it was a trip to the supermarket to buy refills of the things that I had thrown away and how sad is this? I had even planned my weeks menus... gosh I'm so anal at 1am... but I was able to buy exactly what I needed, so hopefully no waste.
Thankfully I started to feel tired and retired to bed before I reached the stage of re-organising my knicker drawer by colour, style and comfort rating!
And best of all though, I was able to buy my food and my weeks petrol with my ill gotten gains from Friday night at the races!
Not that I condone betting at all of course.

After two more trips to mother's to sort out her meals, I decided that I had earned the right to go to the cinema.
I think my head is still buzzing about my transplant which in turn has given me a energy boost. I believe where they have told me that I have to get strong for the transplant, I am pushing my boundaries and the working hard at rehab has given me a surge of vivacity.
I do hope though that it doesn't all come crashing down around me.
The sleep pattern is a worry, as I need to sleep so my immunity doesn't get even lower, but for some reason I have turned into a night owl.
Ah well maybe early to bed tonight?

Lots of love Debbie x

Slept like a baby

Well all that walking last night from the coach to the race course and back again, certainly paid off as I slept like a log. So this is what it's like to go off to sleep and wake up in the morning when it's time to get up. I'm liking it!
I was very proud of myself doing all that walking yesterday. Ok I had the help of my wheelchair and I did work up a bit of a sweat, but isn't that what they say you should do when exercising, although probably the trembling bit shouldn't be included!

Anyway, I treated myself to a leisurely morning and chatted on the phone to various girlfriends, catching up on all the gossip. It's weird, but I actually have felt quite strong these last couple of weeks since the Papworth visit and felt very positive. Maybe after all I will get my life as I knew it back again, but this time even better.

In between making meals for my mother and making sure she was taking her medication and drinking enough, I went to see Irene and Ian for the afternoon over in Colchester.
We sat in her back garden and you could be forgiven for thinking summer had actually decided to pay us a visit, as it was quite glorious sitting out there.
Once again I felt like I used to be, sitting there chatting and sipping ice cold soft drinks before having something to eat. We talked about holidays, as they are well travelled and then I was back to earth, as this year has been a non event for holidays for me.
I suppose because I didn't know what I had in store for me health wise and not being fit enough to fly anyway, this summer has been a bit of a disappointment. Especially as the weather looked so promising at Easter and then turned into a damp squid. If it had been better weather, I wouldn't have minded so much as we could have gone to the local seasides and at least had a swim and sunbath there.
However much I look forward to my birthday on the 21st of this month, I can't help but think my birthday heralds the end of the summer, especially as all the fields are been harvested now.

Still I have lots to look forward to and who knows I could be lucky and get a match quite quickly.
I did however get my appointment for the barium swallow examination today. It's on the 31st of August, I'm glad as I was beginning to worry that it had all gone too quiet again on the hospital front.
I know Papworth want these tests done toot sweet, but I did wonder if I have to have these done before I can go to Papworth for my three day stay? I don't think so and I hope not, as I'm still waiting for the other appointment.
Ah well, everything comes to those that wait and besides, mother looks a bit better again, so thank my blessing for what I have now. I'm a lot luckier than some.

Lots of love Debbie x

Tom Jones is still a Sex Bomb!

What a result, £70 up and Tom Jones wants my body!
Sorry the last part was a blatant lie, but we did win over £70 on the horses tonight and Tom Jones probably would have wanted my body if he looking through thick fog and if he wasn't happily married!

For those of you that have no idea what I am rambling on about, Julie, Lynn, Jean and I went to Newmarket races tonight and Tom Jones was singing live afterwards.
He is a legend.
It wasn't all straight forward though, but that shouldn't come as a surprise to any one who reads this regularly!
We were refused entry at first because we wasn't aware that we couldn't take picnics into the grounds and we had to eat Julie's assorted Chinese nibbles and my fruity summer coleslaw in quarter of the time I took to prepare it, painstakingly slicing each vegetable and fruit by hand. Plus my first drink of wine in nearly two weeks, was gulped down in about three mouthfuls and hardly touched the sides of my throat.
Not the leisurely picnic we were hoping for.
This all took part outside the entrance gates to the enclosure too, in a corner of the car park by a pile of rubbish where other people had been caught out too.
Second attempt at getting in, but this time they wouldn't let us bring the picnic chairs in to sit on either. Was there some sort of vendetta against us going on I wondered?
Lynn and Jean offered to run back to the coach with them while we went in and waited.

After that it went smoothly... well kind of if you disregard my oxygen running out just before we got back to Braintree.
Anyway, we only got to see four races out of six, but out of those four Julie picked two winners and as they were outsiders, we did very well indeed thank you very much!
I returned from the loo just in time to see our horse in the last race, have a second wind and romp home over taking all the leaders.
Result... Well done Julie!

Tom Jones was magic. His voice is just as good as it ever was and I do believe he is over 70 years old now, not many around that can belt out a tune like that and sound exactually the same as his records.
And he still has a twinkle in his eye, which we could see close up thanks to the huge screens that were everywhere. Believe me, I certainly wouldn't kick him out of my bed!
Thanks to the aid of the rail next to where we were standing, I was able to jig about to all my favourites; Kiss, Mumma told me not to come, Sex Bomb and Dahlia.
And I managed to walk back to the coach, although by the time we got to the coach my knuckles were white from where I was hanging on to the wheelchair like grim death! But I did it.

Thank you girls for a fab evening.

Lots of love Debbie x

Sing it again Louis

Ah bliss, a full nights sleep and a lie in this morning, does life get any better than that.
Thank heavens, as I was getting to be a bit brusque with people as well as getting very tired with all the trials and tribulations that were coming my way.
My night ended with much swearing and stomping about doing a spot of hand washing. When I was walking into my bedroom to go to bed, my oxygen tubing got caught under my bedroom door and jolted my arm which in turn spilt my chamomile tea all over all over my new pure white cardigan which was on the end of my bed.
I was furious and had yet another late night after standing at the kitchen sink hand washing my poor cardigan.

Still I woke up so refreshed that I felt in the words of Louis Armstrong 'It's a wonderful world'. I was exceptionally slow this morning, but that was me just taking my time and I never hurried to do anything. That was so much better than thinking I had to rush around trying to be everything for everyone.
My mother, after a telephone call said she was feeling better, was up early and had already made and eaten her breakfast and was now just resting.
I was able to go around at lunchtime to heat up some soup for her and have a little chat before going off to sort out things for the new morning carers who were coming Monday morning.
She really seemed so much better in herself and happier.

In the early evening, Julie was kind enough to give me some physio. If I can keep my lungs totally empty of sputum, then I am less likely to pick up mothers infection and everyone else's who keep coughing all over me.
It is amazing just how much phlegm that I produce every single day and I'm sorry if this bit makes you feel sick, but the colour has at last changed to a light green yellow, rather than the horrible green that it was on Tuesday and my temperature has calmed down too.
Looks like I'm going to be good to go for seeing Tom Jones on Friday... Yay!
It's horrible not being able to know whether you will be able to attend anything that you have arranged.
Once I'm on that coach and on my way, I will feel relaxed and happy. Although I'll feel even happier on the way back knowing that nothing had gone wrong.

And in accordance to the British weather, I have had my mac 'super' waterproofed ready for tomorrow night.
Why is it that you just can't just think that yes it's summer and that means summer clothes for all BBQs, music concerts, days on the beach and picnics. I have summer clothes and dresses that I brought early this spring ready for all of the above and they have lived in my wardrobe the whole time. So frustrating.
You watch, I will lose this weight that Papworth has told me to lose and then they will drown me next summer. Ah well, eBay here I come.
I'm not moaning, dieting is a small price to pay for a second chance at life.
No, but what comes off in my experience normally goes back on eventually and to be honest, I have now got to the stage in my life where I wear a more toned down style rather than up high end fashion anyway. Although, I do have a quirky style all of my own, so I'm not bothered if they live in the loft for a while, besides Reni now has an electric sewing machine so I could in theory take them all in.
Actually, I think they are safer in the loft!

Lots of love Debbie x

When the music stops... all change

You'll be pleased to know that I didn't self combust last night, although it was touch and go and much shouting at the TV ensued.

I didn't sleep very well either for worrying about mother, so I did get a telling off for not sleeping from Hannah my young physio. Hannah came out and gave me an extra session of pummelling, as we were all a bit concerned yesterday at clinic that I could catch mother's infection by being the chief person looking after her.
I didn't need to be told, but if I don't sleep, then my immunity levels plummet even further down and I will have nothing left in me to fight any infection. But if you can't sleep, then there's not a lot you can do about it as the more you worry, the more sleep eludes you.
I have to be honest here, I didn't feel too wonderful last night when I went to bed either. I was feeling very hot on my face and was coughing more than normal after having a session of physio and then the small hours ticked by with no sign of any sleep coming my way. Whether it was psychosomatic or for real I don't know.
Hopefully today's extra session might have seen what ever it was off.

Mother still looked awful this morning and didn't want to leave her bed at all. I made her promise me that she would be up and sitting in th earmchair after I came back from having my physio done and she was, plus looking a lot brighter.
The lady came from the home care agency to assess mother for help getting up two mornings a week and then if she approves, we can move on to more days.
Oh please let her like them!
Just having that extra help will take off so many worries from me, just leaving her three mornings to fend for herself, as my sister is an early riser and always pops in early two mornings a week.
Mother seemed to brighten up as the day went on after that, especially after she said,
' I won't have to go in a home straight away now will I.'
I smiled and told her 'no, only when she is ready to do so,' and the change in her was amazing. If she wants to go in a home then all well and good, but it must be her discussion. And everything could change 100% tomorrow, as mother takes the woman's right to be fickle to the very limit and changes her mind like the wind.

I feel a lot happier too now.

Lots of love Debbie x

Back on my soap box

I have been stupendously bad tempered today.
I have to thank my masseur for listening to my woes and for even shedding a tear with me too while giving me a back massage. My shoulders and left arm were really painful again.
To say she found a few knots in my shoulders, was like saying it's a bit damp in the rain forest. My back was as lumpy as the WWII mines that you used find in the sea.

And thank you to Jean who gallantly calmed me down and didn't get scared when I was ranting and raving, as I was on boiling point when she came round.
I think my concerns about my mother going into a home had really hit home today and some of the attitudes that have been bandied around, have really caught me off guard.
Mother seemed worse today and didn't want to get out of bed, which I found really worrying.
It was also as hot as hell in her bedroom and I was terrified of catching this infection and then I felt equally ashamed that I was thinking of myself while she looked so poorly.
I really hope that these tablets kick in soon, but they are the same ones that made me very depressed and paranoid on my last infection, so I hope that doesn't happen to her. But I think the fact that she is now worrying about leaving her home is making her feel down.
So well done Jean, you were very brave being with me today as I either get weepy or very angry and today it was the latter.
I actually enjoyed getting pummelled today at physio, great stress reliever.

Add the London riots into my melting pot of things that are wrong in the world and you have a volcanic waiting to blow.
What are these poor under privileged people who are looting shops, complaining about? Poor housing, no work etc? Strange that the real people that have something to complain about, like the homeless who live in cardboard boxes are sleeping on the streets and not behaving like lawless thugs. Are the homeless looting? I think not.
These people who were looting TVs etc, where were they taking them too... Ooo their homes!
When I was younger there was no shame of living in a council property. You made them into your home, something to be proud of.
The councils that have now got huge cleaning up bills to pay, aren't going to have money to spare for problems on the estates that the decent people are complaining about now are they, the thugs have seen to that haven't they. Most councils are broke, so where the hell are they suppose get the money from for this lot?
Work? Well if I had my way, they would have plenty of work now in the shape of cleaning up the awful damage, of burnt out cars, broken shop fronts and burnt out buildings etc that they have caused. All while wearing bright orange jackets so we could throw rotten tomatoes at them!
Strange how people are always moaning about immigrants taking the jobs here, but the immigrants manage to find work, so these people who are moaning, do they actually go for these jobs or are they beneath them?

My life hasn't been a bed of roses either, but I don't whinge about the injustice of it all. When our boys were younger, I would go out cleaning, hairdressing and have a part time job to help my husband with the bills and the little luxuries in life like school uniforms and shoes for them and plus I always had time to join in community projects to make our village a better place and as far as I remember, rioting and looting the local Coop was never one of them!
Life is shite at times, but the old saying is very true; 'If life hands you lemons, then make lemonade'.
My mother who has known real hardship is my worry, not silly kids in hoodies and scarves over their faces moaning that life is hard.

Lots of love Debbie x

Winds of change

Whoa hoo... you can't see me, but I am doing a victory dance here, as I've lost 2 and 1/2 lbs!
I was so convinced that I would have just lost a stingy lb, but no, I am on my way to being a goddess again! Ok not quite a goddess, but less of a heavy weight wrestler than I am at the moment.

I'm pleased that I have something to celebrate, as I was lurking and hiding behind my mother's hedge again early this morning in my pjs again, as she had left all her lights on. As I couldn't see her in the arm chair and as her bedroom light was on as well as the front room and the hallway lights, I just had to pray to God that she wasn't on the floor somewhere and safely in her bed.
I had decided to have an early night, but that was scarpered as I couldn't sleep until all her lights went off about 1am and then I couldn't settle for worrying about her.
What if she if only agreeing about going in a home because she thinks that's want we want and feels defeated?

Mother has been through so much in her life. She has witnessed so many changes when growing up as she was born in 1918, so if todays youth think they have it hard... speak to my mother, because she's one brave lady!
Her elder sister died of TB when she was only a child herself and then her mother followed shortly after, leaving my mother to live with her mother's sister her aunt, who was a million miles away from the beautiful music hall singer who was my grandmother. Her aunt was very kind, but she was a female wrestler and quite a scary lady to look at!
But my mother adored her, my uncle Frank and all her cousins and there was a lot of them, it was a happy loud but poor household!
Mother then married an abusive man, which she left after one betrayel too many and brought up their three children on her own, until she meet my dad and then they married and had little old me.
We were all problematical in one way or another and I was a sickly child that worried my mother half to death.
I owe my mother a lot.

So back to now.
It was up again early to book a doctors home visit for her, rather than having to make her walk to the car etc. and yes it is a chest infection.
Bingo I was right.
She did seem to pick up and then late afternoon/ early evening, while I was at rehab, she really went down hill again. I personally think she was low from talking about the move into residential care to my brother, even though she now thinks it's for the best and I think it may do her a lot of good being with other people, as she gets so lonely in the daytime.
But she knows it's the beginning of her last chapter of her life and that is so hard for anyone to come to terms with, me included.
Luckily I had her tablets from the doctors and helped her take them before dashing down to the slimming club to be weighed.
Thankfully whatever is in them has perked her up and she was a lot better again when I returned from the tubby club.
We sat and chatted over a cup of tea about my weight loss and how I had worked hard at rehab, trying hard to up my game to get fit for this transplant.
As I was leaving, I decided 'sod the germs' and gave my mother a much needed huge cuddle, for me and for her.
So many changes on the way, for me and for mother.

Lots of love Debbie x