I'll have another please

Ok the fact that I am sitting her with a paper crown on my head does not bode well. I always know that I am starting to get drunk when the tip of my nose goes numb. At the moment I feel paralysed from the cheek bones down... not a good sign. So if this makes no sense what so ever I apologise profusely now!
I blame my neighbours who force fed me copious amounts of wine as well as chili, which of course was quite hot so I drunk more even wine and now after telling many baldy stories, I now feel quite tipsy and typing away as if my life depends on it. Actually when I move my eyeballs ceiling wise, I have to grab the chair as I think I'm tipping backwards, so I guess that's not a good sign. Still my physio said I should drink more liquid and it's not my fault that she wasn't specific as to what form the liquid should take... I always do what my physio says!
I know it is New Year's Eve tomorrow, but I should abstain from drinking then as this is day two already of me being drunk and disorderly.
Day one was yesterday and Julie's 54th birthday, sorry 53rd. As her birthday present hadn't arrived, I treated her to see the film 'Burlesque' with Cher and Christina Aguilera both starring. A fab film.
I love Cher, if anyone could get me to bat for the other side it would be her. Then afterwards back to mine to meet the rest of the girls and have homemade soup, birthday cake and a rather gorgeous Hungarian sparkling red wine. Obliviously I drank far too much of that as I found myself telling my friend off for calling my brown coat a 'bag ladies' coat and for saying that I looked old with grey hair and calling my ex darling when he called me as I was serving up the food. I will regret telling my friend off I know, but luckily my ex had realised that I was pissed as he could hear Lynn laughing in the other room.
But today was quite stressful as I am now down to one bar of oxygen supply on my oxygen mother ship and one DD canister. The oxygen delivery chap reckoned that I should get four days out of every bar which at that rate should only get me to Sunday, but as this ratio hasn't worked out so far, I'm not holding my breathe... Hah I can't anyway! When I spoke to him last week, he worked it out that I would have plenty... duh no... I will have wors with you next week young man I can tell you!
When I mentioned this to my physio, she said I could try calling them, but she didn't hold out much hope of them coming out, as I have the concentrator and a rather large back up canister in my bedroom. She admitted that they aren't used to feisty ladies like myself who still want a social life and anyway I shouldn't really be going out in this fog anyway.
This is one of the reasons why I drunk tonight. I will regret it in the morning I know, but until the hangover kicks in... In the immortal words of Bart Simpson... 'eat my shorts!'

Lots of love Debbie x

Busy, busy

Yay I'm still blonde! Felt quite good this morning when I woke up, normally I look shite when I wake up, but today even with my hair messy I still felt good. I do have this feeling that this is going to cost me in other ways, i.e clothes; as I now need a new me in the wardrobe department!
But I do feel energised, even changed my bed in 33 mins with only a couple of breaks, so that is some sort of record for me. I normally always have clean sheets for Christmas eve, but I was too tired to change them that day. I didn't think Santa would mind awfully if I was a bit slack this year.
Had lunch with Sam today which was lovely to catch up. I think the people sitting next to us, thought we'd never shut up talking, which we didn't! I believe we picked a bad day to eat there as there was a wedding reception and two large parties going on. We actually had to wait nearly an hour for our starter, but as we were talking non stop, it didn't really matter, just glad I wasn't with mother as she would have wrestled the waitress to the ground with her tongue and made her serve us straight away!
It was thick fog outside today and that made breathing a tad on the laboured side, but I coped, just happy I'm in and relaxing again now. I can quite easily become a hermit in this weather, what more can a girl ask for, tv, glass of brandy and a packet of medjool dates!

Lots of love Debbie x

Happy birthday dad

Oh yeah I'm blonde again!
My niece has returned my mojo and I feel like me again. I've never asked her before to do my hair when she has been home for the holidays, as I didn't think it was fair to make her work while on a break from her hairdressers. But this time it was a state of emergency as I really needed a giant boost.
I know that my main fear was I would die with dark roots, but I have now been grey for too long and it hasn't done my self esteem a lot of good just lately. It was fine when I was still perky being grey, but lately my whole pallor has been a washed out one and I saw an old looking woman everytime when I looked in the mirror and I wanted me back.
And bless her, Nikki delivered with a fab hair cut and colour. Strangely enough the person's hair that I like the most is Dame Judith Dench who is seventy odd, but she is a style icon for ladies with very fine hair, so I still felt fab.
I even went to the cinema with no make-up on, but I still went feeling fabulous darling.
I called in at mother's between having my hair done and going to the cinema to get her dinner ready. As she had been with me solid for the last two days, I thought one day for me wasn't a lot to ask. Of course her opening words were how she was depressed and I thought here we go again.
I did feel bad though when I realised that mother was down because it was dad's birthday, but where she says that she's depressed most days, I had brushed it aside with a 'come along, let's get you a cup of tea and let's stop this being down'. It wasn't till I got home after the cinema that I had realised and then I had to put right with a soothing phone call that she wasn't on her own that I was with her. That seemed to soothe her that someone else had remembered his day too all be it late. But after all; how could I ever forget my dad... he was my hero. Just being in the same room as him made me feel safe.
Happy birthday dad from your loving daughter.

Lots of love Debbie x

All is calm

Ouch my throat is sore today, so having a long lie in and taking things slowly, as have my nephews this lunchtime. Not sure if it was where my lungs and consequently my throat went through the mill after my tests on Christmas Eve or I've caught one of the many bugs that have been going around, but either way it's very dry and getting painful.
Lunch at Matt's was fun spent with my sister, brother-in-law, niece, her gorgeous boyfriend and a couple of carers. Of course my sister and myself (my niece had to keep answering her phone as she was on call) had just got four wedges in 'Trivial Pursuit,' one more than the blokes team, when I noticed mother was tapping her watch! I ignored her for a while, but alas the tapping was then accompanied by a cough, so then I admitted defeat and took her home via all the Christmas lights. It's times like that, that I do get fed up and wish that she would just remember it's not all her, but she's old and I love her so what are you to do, plus she did behave yesterday.
So now I'm in my pjs and my sweat shirt, with a glass of brandy for medicinal reasons only of course and I have just watched the iconic scene of Hugh Grant dancing to 'Jump' when playing the Prime Minister in 'Love Actually.' So all is well in my world and I'm off to bed.

Lots of love Debbie x

Christmas day 2010

Midnight Mass was lovely and I always feel whole somehow when leaving the church in the freezing cold to drive home. When I recieved my blessing this time, I really wanted to cry. Whether it was because her voice was soft and caring or that my emotions are all over the shop at the moment or whether it was because I felt suddenly a sense peace and that everything was going to be alright I really don't know, but I did feel very moved.

I must admit to feeling quite rough this morning though. Not helped by trying to walk across the court on what is now an ice rink with mother's presents and a shopping bag full of goodies, while wearing fashion boots rather than my usual DM type. I reached mother's in a state of laborious breathing and felt like my eyes were popping out of my head and I could hardly stand up straight only to find that I had a blockage in my tubes!
Once fixed and breathing back to as normal as I can for me, we set off to Julie's. Now my mum is a bit of a loose cannon at times as thinks that she is whispering, but in fact is just talking out the side of her mouth in her normal volume and I learnt all my top bitchy remarks from her, but no she was a dream. She sat in awe of Julie's Christmas trees, three in total and was like the Queen mum with all Julie's boys making sure she was catered for and teasing her.
I did have to take the bauble name holder back out her bag, as she really wanted to take that home and sneaked in her serviette twice! She also panicked and tutted when Tif broke the chair he was sitting on, but she had a marvelous day. Thank you so much the Hopkins household for making her's and my Christmas so special. 'It was just like the ones we used have when dad was alive' she said with a dreamy smile on her face.
Later we had my eldest son round and she loves her grandsons. Phone calls from Oliver in Hungary and she got to see the Christmas fairy lights around the village.
All in all one very happy mumma which makes me very happy too.

Lots of love Debbie x

Don't panic!!!!

It's Christmas Eve and life everything is gift wrapped and the bungalow is all peaceful and orderly. Yeah right, believe that and you'll believe anything!
I thought I had the day planned out to military precision, but within 30mins of being dressed, everything went wrong.
The idea wasthat I would deliver the last few Christmas cards and yes I know I have left it to the last minute, but I have been known in years past to go out delivering on Boxing Day morning, sneaking up their paths trying not to be seen.
Plus plan 2 was to do the last bit of shopping and see my friend before going off for my final set of tests with this round. As I was gathering my cards and lists, the phone didn't stop ringing and to say I was getting a little fraught was an understatement, especially as the hospital called while I was out delivering to ask if I could bring the 3pm appointment forward to as soon as I could get there... noon if possible and it was already 10.45.
Unfortunately it didn't get any less fraught as after I had agreed to 12 and had rushed home to get changed, I realised I had left the bungalow keys locked in the back door.
Ah ha no matters as I have a spare set at my mother's opposite, bad news is she couldn't remember where she had moved them to when she tidied up ready to put her Christmas cards up. Perhaps giving your spare set of keys to a lady of nearly 93 with the onset of dementia wasn't my brightest move, especially as my other set was currently on it's way to Hungary for two weeks!
Thankfully my guardian angels were watching over me, as my nieces turned up to visit their nan and Jojo happily agreed to climb in through the bathroom window for me. Now I know you shouldn't leave your windows open, but just as well I had. In my defence I was only popping down the road and plus I had just been to the toilet and really needed to let some fresh air in if you get my drift!
Jojo was rather pleased as she didn't realise that she was still as bendy as that and was quite happy to show her husband the new found agility later that night as a Christmas treat!
Once I hugged my nieces and told them that my soul would be forever theirs, I rushed off to the hospital still in my slouchy clothes.
The tests that followed at the hospital were quite horrible and didn't matter that I wasn't smartly dressd. They involved breathing in and out into a tube with your mouth clamped over a special mouthpiece and with your nose clipped so you can't breathe through in and out that way either. To say you feel as if you were suffocating wasn't far from the truth. Panic sets in, your stats drop and I must admit one or two tears did emerge, leaving me feeling all very shaky and fighting back the urge to vomit. I don't think I did very well at all, but I guess that was the whole idea?
Still all in a good cause.
Off to Midnight Mass now. So Merry Christmas all.

Lots of love Debbie x

Bring a book and patience

Damn it, there was me thinking I was the next Nigella with my entertaining and along comes a vegetarian friend and all I have to give her is egg on toast! Normally I would have made her a nice pea and asparagus risotto or homemade soup, but no not this time, egg on bloody toast. A fridge full to bursting of food ready to turn into meals for my meat eater friends, but I had completely forgotten that this one was a veggie so even the fish was a no go area.
Still we survived and we had a lovely catch up, before I had to go out shopping for mother yet again.
Today was spent at the hospital with my klutzy friend Ann who had fell over in the snow on Saturday and has fractured a bone in her arm. This time it was to get a lighter cast put on, hers is now a bright pink cast that she is sporting!
I'm not sure why everyone moans so much in hospitals. Ok we were there for about two and half hours, but she got it done and we met some nice people on the way. All around us were people moaning about the wait, my friend included. I know I have a season ticket for Broomfield and a lot of the nurses treat me like a long lost friend when they see me, but all my visits since being ill have taught me patience. You take a book and read. People say they long for times where they don't have to do anything and when their wish is granted they moan! 'Oh you are so luckily not working,' they say to me, no I spend a lot of my time at hospitals waiting as you are doing now and you are moaning like hell about. Are you paying for your treatment? No. Ok maybe a little over the years, but in the grand scheme of things we are very lucky when you look at other countries.
I'll be back there tomorrow this time for me at the Cardiac Unit and yes I will take my book to read again while I sit and wait, because at the end of all this waiting, I hope I will have another shot at life and if I don't at least they tried. There's not many people get two chances at life. So spare a thought for the stressed out hospital staff, ok you might have been able to get all your shopping while sitting there, but so could have they if they weren't treating you for falling arse over tit in the snow!

Lots of love Debbie x