I AM a goddess

Ahh today is Sam's birthday and I think she had a brill day. She had lots of lovely presents and cards which she deserved as she is a real sweetie and a damn good mate. Happy birthday my lovely. My little Peter Pan of Student Services.

Went a bit downhill after she left though... Actually you are of a weak stomach, you best skip this bit and go straight to 'lots of love Debbie', but for those of you reading this with Bronchiectasis, a COPD or one of the other many lung diseases, you will know where I'm coming from.
Part of my disease is my lungs fill up with liquid or sputum. I have the dubious title at the rehab of producing the most which is why I've been told the students like beating me up!
Typical of me, always in the wrong place at the wrong time and this time when they were handing out big bellys, large teeth and over productive lung thingies I was at the front of the queue!

Anyway about 2.30 to 3pm each day is when I start getting uncomfortable and my lungs start filling up big time, this is why I have physio twice a week in the afternoons. Today before going to rehab I nipped into the loo and unfortunately coughed while having a wee and ended up with sputum all over my knickers and the top of my trousers... Eeeew yuk... I looked down at my feet and was wearing my socks that proudly had the word Goddess boldly written in silver on each one... At that moment I had never felt less like a goddess in my life.

Worse was to come, as Hannah gave me the oxygen monitor for me to attach to myself tonight while sleeping to see if my morning headaches were caused by my levels dropping. I really didn't think they would be testing me so quickly when I agreed to it or how serious the outcome would be if they are very low... the answer; oxygen through the night. I really hadn't thought this through when I agreed to it. Hell what about my holidays? This really can't happen, not yet.
If ever I wanted to break down and cry, it was that moment. The fear of full term oxygen is the one thing that reduces me to tears each time it's mentioned... bastard thing excuse my French... I just hope that it is my blocked nose that gives me the headaches and not my levels.

I then went round to my 92 year old mother's as usual and found her frantically searching for something. I say something, because she couldn't remember what she was looking for, but she was getting so distressed because she can't find it or the word she was looking for either. An hour we searched, including through the rubbish bags, where I sat with tears rolling down my face as I sifted through old teabags and soggy cereal. Luckily Oliver came round and cheered her up enough for her to forget what she had forgotten. Today didn't end up the best day for me or for my beautiful, but trying mother, but tomorrow things will be better. But today we still are lucky enough to still have each other... Sorry everyone for being grumpy today.

Lots of love Debbie x