I'll have another please

Ok the fact that I am sitting her with a paper crown on my head does not bode well. I always know that I am starting to get drunk when the tip of my nose goes numb. At the moment I feel paralysed from the cheek bones down... not a good sign. So if this makes no sense what so ever I apologise profusely now!
I blame my neighbours who force fed me copious amounts of wine as well as chili, which of course was quite hot so I drunk more even wine and now after telling many baldy stories, I now feel quite tipsy and typing away as if my life depends on it. Actually when I move my eyeballs ceiling wise, I have to grab the chair as I think I'm tipping backwards, so I guess that's not a good sign. Still my physio said I should drink more liquid and it's not my fault that she wasn't specific as to what form the liquid should take... I always do what my physio says!
I know it is New Year's Eve tomorrow, but I should abstain from drinking then as this is day two already of me being drunk and disorderly.
Day one was yesterday and Julie's 54th birthday, sorry 53rd. As her birthday present hadn't arrived, I treated her to see the film 'Burlesque' with Cher and Christina Aguilera both starring. A fab film.
I love Cher, if anyone could get me to bat for the other side it would be her. Then afterwards back to mine to meet the rest of the girls and have homemade soup, birthday cake and a rather gorgeous Hungarian sparkling red wine. Obliviously I drank far too much of that as I found myself telling my friend off for calling my brown coat a 'bag ladies' coat and for saying that I looked old with grey hair and calling my ex darling when he called me as I was serving up the food. I will regret telling my friend off I know, but luckily my ex had realised that I was pissed as he could hear Lynn laughing in the other room.
But today was quite stressful as I am now down to one bar of oxygen supply on my oxygen mother ship and one DD canister. The oxygen delivery chap reckoned that I should get four days out of every bar which at that rate should only get me to Sunday, but as this ratio hasn't worked out so far, I'm not holding my breathe... Hah I can't anyway! When I spoke to him last week, he worked it out that I would have plenty... duh no... I will have wors with you next week young man I can tell you!
When I mentioned this to my physio, she said I could try calling them, but she didn't hold out much hope of them coming out, as I have the concentrator and a rather large back up canister in my bedroom. She admitted that they aren't used to feisty ladies like myself who still want a social life and anyway I shouldn't really be going out in this fog anyway.
This is one of the reasons why I drunk tonight. I will regret it in the morning I know, but until the hangover kicks in... In the immortal words of Bart Simpson... 'eat my shorts!'

Lots of love Debbie x

Busy, busy

Yay I'm still blonde! Felt quite good this morning when I woke up, normally I look shite when I wake up, but today even with my hair messy I still felt good. I do have this feeling that this is going to cost me in other ways, i.e clothes; as I now need a new me in the wardrobe department!
But I do feel energised, even changed my bed in 33 mins with only a couple of breaks, so that is some sort of record for me. I normally always have clean sheets for Christmas eve, but I was too tired to change them that day. I didn't think Santa would mind awfully if I was a bit slack this year.
Had lunch with Sam today which was lovely to catch up. I think the people sitting next to us, thought we'd never shut up talking, which we didn't! I believe we picked a bad day to eat there as there was a wedding reception and two large parties going on. We actually had to wait nearly an hour for our starter, but as we were talking non stop, it didn't really matter, just glad I wasn't with mother as she would have wrestled the waitress to the ground with her tongue and made her serve us straight away!
It was thick fog outside today and that made breathing a tad on the laboured side, but I coped, just happy I'm in and relaxing again now. I can quite easily become a hermit in this weather, what more can a girl ask for, tv, glass of brandy and a packet of medjool dates!

Lots of love Debbie x

Happy birthday dad

Oh yeah I'm blonde again!
My niece has returned my mojo and I feel like me again. I've never asked her before to do my hair when she has been home for the holidays, as I didn't think it was fair to make her work while on a break from her hairdressers. But this time it was a state of emergency as I really needed a giant boost.
I know that my main fear was I would die with dark roots, but I have now been grey for too long and it hasn't done my self esteem a lot of good just lately. It was fine when I was still perky being grey, but lately my whole pallor has been a washed out one and I saw an old looking woman everytime when I looked in the mirror and I wanted me back.
And bless her, Nikki delivered with a fab hair cut and colour. Strangely enough the person's hair that I like the most is Dame Judith Dench who is seventy odd, but she is a style icon for ladies with very fine hair, so I still felt fab.
I even went to the cinema with no make-up on, but I still went feeling fabulous darling.
I called in at mother's between having my hair done and going to the cinema to get her dinner ready. As she had been with me solid for the last two days, I thought one day for me wasn't a lot to ask. Of course her opening words were how she was depressed and I thought here we go again.
I did feel bad though when I realised that mother was down because it was dad's birthday, but where she says that she's depressed most days, I had brushed it aside with a 'come along, let's get you a cup of tea and let's stop this being down'. It wasn't till I got home after the cinema that I had realised and then I had to put right with a soothing phone call that she wasn't on her own that I was with her. That seemed to soothe her that someone else had remembered his day too all be it late. But after all; how could I ever forget my dad... he was my hero. Just being in the same room as him made me feel safe.
Happy birthday dad from your loving daughter.

Lots of love Debbie x

All is calm

Ouch my throat is sore today, so having a long lie in and taking things slowly, as have my nephews this lunchtime. Not sure if it was where my lungs and consequently my throat went through the mill after my tests on Christmas Eve or I've caught one of the many bugs that have been going around, but either way it's very dry and getting painful.
Lunch at Matt's was fun spent with my sister, brother-in-law, niece, her gorgeous boyfriend and a couple of carers. Of course my sister and myself (my niece had to keep answering her phone as she was on call) had just got four wedges in 'Trivial Pursuit,' one more than the blokes team, when I noticed mother was tapping her watch! I ignored her for a while, but alas the tapping was then accompanied by a cough, so then I admitted defeat and took her home via all the Christmas lights. It's times like that, that I do get fed up and wish that she would just remember it's not all her, but she's old and I love her so what are you to do, plus she did behave yesterday.
So now I'm in my pjs and my sweat shirt, with a glass of brandy for medicinal reasons only of course and I have just watched the iconic scene of Hugh Grant dancing to 'Jump' when playing the Prime Minister in 'Love Actually.' So all is well in my world and I'm off to bed.

Lots of love Debbie x

Christmas day 2010

Midnight Mass was lovely and I always feel whole somehow when leaving the church in the freezing cold to drive home. When I recieved my blessing this time, I really wanted to cry. Whether it was because her voice was soft and caring or that my emotions are all over the shop at the moment or whether it was because I felt suddenly a sense peace and that everything was going to be alright I really don't know, but I did feel very moved.

I must admit to feeling quite rough this morning though. Not helped by trying to walk across the court on what is now an ice rink with mother's presents and a shopping bag full of goodies, while wearing fashion boots rather than my usual DM type. I reached mother's in a state of laborious breathing and felt like my eyes were popping out of my head and I could hardly stand up straight only to find that I had a blockage in my tubes!
Once fixed and breathing back to as normal as I can for me, we set off to Julie's. Now my mum is a bit of a loose cannon at times as thinks that she is whispering, but in fact is just talking out the side of her mouth in her normal volume and I learnt all my top bitchy remarks from her, but no she was a dream. She sat in awe of Julie's Christmas trees, three in total and was like the Queen mum with all Julie's boys making sure she was catered for and teasing her.
I did have to take the bauble name holder back out her bag, as she really wanted to take that home and sneaked in her serviette twice! She also panicked and tutted when Tif broke the chair he was sitting on, but she had a marvelous day. Thank you so much the Hopkins household for making her's and my Christmas so special. 'It was just like the ones we used have when dad was alive' she said with a dreamy smile on her face.
Later we had my eldest son round and she loves her grandsons. Phone calls from Oliver in Hungary and she got to see the Christmas fairy lights around the village.
All in all one very happy mumma which makes me very happy too.

Lots of love Debbie x

Don't panic!!!!

It's Christmas Eve and life everything is gift wrapped and the bungalow is all peaceful and orderly. Yeah right, believe that and you'll believe anything!
I thought I had the day planned out to military precision, but within 30mins of being dressed, everything went wrong.
The idea wasthat I would deliver the last few Christmas cards and yes I know I have left it to the last minute, but I have been known in years past to go out delivering on Boxing Day morning, sneaking up their paths trying not to be seen.
Plus plan 2 was to do the last bit of shopping and see my friend before going off for my final set of tests with this round. As I was gathering my cards and lists, the phone didn't stop ringing and to say I was getting a little fraught was an understatement, especially as the hospital called while I was out delivering to ask if I could bring the 3pm appointment forward to as soon as I could get there... noon if possible and it was already 10.45.
Unfortunately it didn't get any less fraught as after I had agreed to 12 and had rushed home to get changed, I realised I had left the bungalow keys locked in the back door.
Ah ha no matters as I have a spare set at my mother's opposite, bad news is she couldn't remember where she had moved them to when she tidied up ready to put her Christmas cards up. Perhaps giving your spare set of keys to a lady of nearly 93 with the onset of dementia wasn't my brightest move, especially as my other set was currently on it's way to Hungary for two weeks!
Thankfully my guardian angels were watching over me, as my nieces turned up to visit their nan and Jojo happily agreed to climb in through the bathroom window for me. Now I know you shouldn't leave your windows open, but just as well I had. In my defence I was only popping down the road and plus I had just been to the toilet and really needed to let some fresh air in if you get my drift!
Jojo was rather pleased as she didn't realise that she was still as bendy as that and was quite happy to show her husband the new found agility later that night as a Christmas treat!
Once I hugged my nieces and told them that my soul would be forever theirs, I rushed off to the hospital still in my slouchy clothes.
The tests that followed at the hospital were quite horrible and didn't matter that I wasn't smartly dressd. They involved breathing in and out into a tube with your mouth clamped over a special mouthpiece and with your nose clipped so you can't breathe through in and out that way either. To say you feel as if you were suffocating wasn't far from the truth. Panic sets in, your stats drop and I must admit one or two tears did emerge, leaving me feeling all very shaky and fighting back the urge to vomit. I don't think I did very well at all, but I guess that was the whole idea?
Still all in a good cause.
Off to Midnight Mass now. So Merry Christmas all.

Lots of love Debbie x

Bring a book and patience

Damn it, there was me thinking I was the next Nigella with my entertaining and along comes a vegetarian friend and all I have to give her is egg on toast! Normally I would have made her a nice pea and asparagus risotto or homemade soup, but no not this time, egg on bloody toast. A fridge full to bursting of food ready to turn into meals for my meat eater friends, but I had completely forgotten that this one was a veggie so even the fish was a no go area.
Still we survived and we had a lovely catch up, before I had to go out shopping for mother yet again.
Today was spent at the hospital with my klutzy friend Ann who had fell over in the snow on Saturday and has fractured a bone in her arm. This time it was to get a lighter cast put on, hers is now a bright pink cast that she is sporting!
I'm not sure why everyone moans so much in hospitals. Ok we were there for about two and half hours, but she got it done and we met some nice people on the way. All around us were people moaning about the wait, my friend included. I know I have a season ticket for Broomfield and a lot of the nurses treat me like a long lost friend when they see me, but all my visits since being ill have taught me patience. You take a book and read. People say they long for times where they don't have to do anything and when their wish is granted they moan! 'Oh you are so luckily not working,' they say to me, no I spend a lot of my time at hospitals waiting as you are doing now and you are moaning like hell about. Are you paying for your treatment? No. Ok maybe a little over the years, but in the grand scheme of things we are very lucky when you look at other countries.
I'll be back there tomorrow this time for me at the Cardiac Unit and yes I will take my book to read again while I sit and wait, because at the end of all this waiting, I hope I will have another shot at life and if I don't at least they tried. There's not many people get two chances at life. So spare a thought for the stressed out hospital staff, ok you might have been able to get all your shopping while sitting there, but so could have they if they weren't treating you for falling arse over tit in the snow!

Lots of love Debbie x

Like mother like daughter

Yesterday's early no show of workmen, lulled me into a false impression that today's workmen would have trouble getting in and out of the work's yard to get to me. Er no, 8.30am I received a phone call to say they were standing outside... sod.
Jumping out of bed is not a good move when you have dodgy lungs and a heart that breaks into a quickstep when under stress, but after asking for 5mins I was actually decent to go to the front door. No sign of them. Obviously they had gone back to their van although I couldn't see a van.
I went back to bedroom and threw on more clothes and cleaned teeth. Still no sign of them.
I called their mobile and they were standing on the Broadway not Broadway Court! Still gave me an extra five minutes to spend another penny.
Two hours later and bathroom is now finished... hoorah I can now have a shower!

Went off and did some more shopping, this time a booze run for me and yet more shopping for mother after her phone call yesterday evening about three hours after I had just got back from buying her groceries. The call went on the lines of 'oh I really fancy some dates' and then another long list of things that she really needed.
I can't moan as it is awful if you are reliant on other people's kindness and you really fancy something definite to eat. I have been reduced to tears when I've asked for English apples and they've brought Granny Smiths. If you fancy something particular, a substitute just ain't going to crack it, even though you smile widely going yum and then you cry when the person has gone as you feel guilty for feeling ungrateful, or a bit of a princess or whatever. Having to rely on people is one of the hardest things I've found about this debilitating illness, so I know where mother is coming from.
Still mother is now happy as she had plenty of visitors today, my brother and his wife, and then later Oliver and Reni all bearing Christmas presents.

Lots of love Debbie x

ASBO number 3

Christmas cheer temporary left me this lunchtime, but luckily I am back in festive mode.
What brought this glitch on I hear you ask?... well I will tell you or should I say warn you as the next person who congratulates me on not having to work anymore or not having to scrape the car clean for work will end up with a ice scraper shoved up their nose!
Not only do I have to clean the snow off my car in stages, as I really can't breathe very well at all in the biting cold. I also have to keep sitting down to get my breathing pattern back to normal while struggling to turn the igloo shape in my car parking space back into my car. In fact I was very near to making snow angels when I was 'on a break'.
The crowning glory was when I scooped off a dustpan full of snow and threw it over my shoulder like all the rest, only for the wind to pick up at that precise moment and blow straight back in my face and straight down my neck.
Result?... ASBO number three on it's way for ffing and blinding in the court and of course, shocking the neighbours! I can hear my mother now, 'Deborah... language, what will the neighbours say?!'... Me... 'F*** the neighbours mother!'
Thankfully I calmed down, but I would have pleaded to the jury, that the lapse in language was due it inhaling Mastic Glue where the bathroom flooring had just been laid that very morning.
So another night of coughing my lungs up ahead, so I have had a double brandy to try and comatose myself ready for bed.
The old chap who laid my floor did rather put my nerves on edge, as firstly he left a big tub of this poxy glue and all of his tools in the the way of the door and of course the postman decided to choose that moment to deliver part of mother's Christmas pressie and viola one pair of black trousers ruined. And secondly he had a habit of chatting to me when holding his blow torch... turned on!
Er hello, oxygen and I quite like my face despite my moaning that I want to look like Cher.

Did have a lovely evening though as all festive cheer restored as Tim and myself went to Oliver and Reni's flat where they cooked us a scrummy Christmas meal. They are flying off to Hungary on Friday, well fingers crossed as you can't put the news on TV without seeing hoards of disgruntled people stranded at airports across England. And bonus, lovely food and then we got to open our presents early, so I am now the proud owner of a fabby food processor. If I don't manage to cook any of Jamie Oliver's 30 minute meals which a processor is a vital part and I had dropped loads of hints about, then at least we will have fab mohitos and margarettas all year long! Oh yeah baby!

Lots of love Debbie x

Lazy Sunday afternoon

Really had a lazy Sunday today and thoroughly enjoyed it. I watched the 'Drop Zone' final and the later 'The Apprentice' final and even an old Harry Potter film in between, but I enjoyed every moment of being idle. I can't say I was inactive as I cooked a roast or mother and myself, plus filled in 36 cards for various competitions and if some of them come to fruition, it could be a very good new year!
Normally I feel a bit like a caged animal if I stay in with this urgent desire to fill everyday up with something exciting or I feel as if I'm letting myself down.
I do feel a tad guilty that I didn't get down to the candlelit Christmas Carol service, but on the other hand I did see Silver End's answer to the Christmas Coca Cola advert and that was Julie's father-in-law dressed up as Santa on a brightly lit up float run by the Scouts! Bless him, he's being doing that job for years and is in his late 70's.
I thought it looked brilliant, even though I did feel a bit like the little lame boy who couldn't keep up with the others in the story of the Pied Piper where I kept seeing the tail end of them disappearing down another road!
But I waited it out and eventually they came past my close, then I felt guilty that I didn't get mum, but it was far too cold and slippy for her out there.
Tomorrow it will be another run of finishing off the bathroom, this time the flooring is going down and hopefully the sparky will come to flick the switch so I can christen it. And of course we have another hospital appointment to look forward to, so today was a well deserved quiet moment.

Lots of love Debbie x

Strictly bag lady

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow as the song says and by jingo it has! Fear not, I don't care about being snowed in as it's the long awaited 'Strictly Come Dancing' final tonight and the 'The Apprentice' final tomorrow and I have a fridge freezer full of food, my bungalow is toasty and I have a bottle of brandy to see me through!
I have no idea who will win tonight, but for two hours I will be transported into the glitter ball land of dance and if I have this transplant and if it's a success and all goes well, I realise there is a lot of ands there. I am going to learn how to dance. So Julie for all the things you have forced me into doing in the past... you owe me as a dance partner!
Pamela Stephenson said that she is grateful for Strictly, as it came at a time in her life when she felt invisible and I bet there are thousands of women nodding their heads with a resounding yes, who know that feeling only too well. Not only do I feel invisible when I'm normal, but when I'm in my wheelchair with my oxygen on, I feel pity glances coming my way, that is if they look at me other than tutting that I am in their way... yuk!
I went shopping today for a new coat in the pre-Christmas sales, especially after one of my friends who will remain nameless, said 'oh that's good to hear that you'll getting rid of the bag lady coat'. Hmm, the last coat was my bag lady coat, this one I thought I looked normal in! After my icy glare, she realised that she had made a bit of a faux par with the fashion police remarks and that her extra Christmas present had just been put back on the shelf!
Now I am wishing that I was invisible as I'm an old looking, overweight bag lady and that's not a good look.
Still I found a bargain coat, which the lining alone oozes class and a rather weird looking skirt both in the Per Una sales, which is defiantly saying 'she's back!' One thing I never was, was a safe dresser, so my old coat will be worn in freezing conditions, which looks like it will have plently of wearings and my new model will be worn when I want to look foxy!
And Karma prevailed, as my friend who is still loved, fell over on the ice!

Lots of love Debbie x

I want to be Cher

Went to bed early last night hence the no show here yesterday. I think I have swallowed a tad too much brick dust etc this week for all the building work as I felt rough last night.
The day it's self was ok as I got a fair bit done. My concentrator was serviced which is always a bonus and the lovely Lee came to do it. He is such a sweetie and always gives you a boost as nothing is too much trouble, no doubt he'll go home and say 'ah I cheered up lots of old girls today' and one of those old girls being me!
Had Jan and Joan around for lunch so that was very pleasant. I made some homemade soup and we had a meze while catching up with the gossip.
It snowed really hard which was worrying and then I felt quite rough with a raspy old cough and running a temperature. My answer was to have a brandy and then a hot bath which probably wasn't the right sequence, but I fell asleep quickly only to wake up god knows how many times throughout the night.
Luckily I felt a hell of a lot better today as I took Reni off for an interview over Maldon. Dear God it was freezing over there, even when we were waiting in the reception area, I swear my tubes were freezing up!
I watched Cher on TV tonight and have decided that I am going blonde. I know I feel rough, but I don't like looking it. She sat there on the interview couch with long neon red hair and a matrix style leather coat on, with a skimpy black underwear outfit on underneath and she looks my age and I look older than her age... duh something has got to be done, as I not ready to hang up my weird styles yet... make over time I think.
Will go to bed today and think it over.

Lots of love Debbie x

Knees up

I nearly have a fully functioning bathroom again. Just waiting now for the electrician and for the flooring to be laid and honestly I am so grateful to have this lovely shower, but I am so tired as waking up early to get up, dressed and nearly drugged up ready for 8 to 8.30 am.
I had to drag myself out of bed this morning, bleating like a baby, moaning that I'll never ask for anything else ever again!
At least my bowels behaved themselves today, although as they left through the front door, my trousers were coming off at a rate of knots so I could have a much needed pee. As I sat on the loo peeing for England, I noticed that my knees were higher than normal and I then realised when he asked if I'd like a new toilet put in, that the new low rise model that he mentioned wasn't the... excuse my technical jargon... the flusher bit at the back, but the height of the loo it's self. That should prove interesting getting mother off that when she comes to visit!
Still I read somewhere that your knees should be higher as to get better bowel functioning. On my performance yesterday, I have no problem there!
Went off afterwards to visit the girls at work and to have much needed cuddles from my friends. It wasn't a surprise to see that we had a Christmas window display in the Centre as although that was always my job to create, we have now got Andrina to take over the chalice and it did look lovely, so well done honey.
Did a drug run at the hospital afterwards and then had a lovely Christmas meal complete with crackers around my friend's Jacky's tonight.
And now I am ready for bed. What is the betting that the oxygen guy comes at 8am to service my concentrator?????

Lots of love Debbie x

Oops excuse me, it was the dog

Up again at the crack of dawn, ok 7.45am, but for me it might as well still be night.
Early mornings have never sat comfortably with me. Some people bounce out of bed and are wide awake from the word go, me... nah. Even when I was a teenager, I loathed getting up for work and I know I was incredibly spoilt, but my mum or dad would wake me up half an hour before necessary so I could have another half an hour lie in and then I would be greeted with a cup of coffee in bed till I had woken up enough to speak to safely.
My favourite day in the year was not Christmas or my birthday, massively overrated, but it was the day the clocks went back an hour... bliss!
Having kids; I adored, but the early morning part of child rearing was a killer, especially as we had two boys that didn't know the meaning of sleep. Thank God for the 'Breakfast TV' programme that started when Oliver was about a year old. Ok it was mostly news in the early days, but at least it kept me awake enough to function and it kept me sane knowning someone else was awake.
Today my task was to get up early for the bathroom tiler and I succeeded, although by 9.15am I had fell back to sleep on the sofa for about 15mins complete with dribble from my mouth.
Poor man was quite nervous when I greeted him at the door with my oxygen tubes and a syringe in my hand! He soon settled when he realised that my head wasn't going to spin round and round and he did a really good job, finishing by lunchtime. But why is it when you have someone working in your small bathroom, your bowels go 'Oo... I need to open!'
So embarrassing, as he knows damn well what you've just done and you know that he knows. Perhaps that is why he got a move on to get it finished before I needed the loo again?!
Tomorrow it is the turn of the electrician, who has probably been warned that I make a nice cup of coffee, but makes dodgy smells! Oo the shame.

Lots of love Debbie x

Run debbie run

I have spent most of my day in the dark today and loved every minute of it. Yep two lots of cinema, bring it on baby!
Rosemary's husband Bill wanted to see Harry Potter so we went off at lunchtime to see it and then tonight Ann, Greta and I went to see the Tourist. If I don't watch out I will be turning into Gollum, which I feel I'm nearly there already, being a pasty looking blob and a bit stooped... and I wonder why I am single!
The bits in between were a bit manic as I got out the cinema at 3.55 and had rehab at 4pm, only to be told when I got there that my stint for the transplant was finished and I could come and go as I wanted now. Great, wish I'd known that earlier, still never mind I still stayed and did the exercises and promised I'd keep going till they got busy again.
Rushed back from rehab, brought food for mother and cooked her dinner, quickly microwaved a curry for me, which I can't tell you what it tasted like as I ate it in five minutes and back again to the cinema with the girls.
I did get a bit sleepy in the lunchtime viewing as I was up early for yet another bathroom assessment. Good news is they will do it, bad news is it starts tomorrow. I did say I didn't mind if they wanted to wait until after Christmas as I have loads to do, but noooooooo don't be silly, lets make your life more awkward than normal and no more lie in for the foreseeable future.
I was really hankering after buying my Christmas present after putting my money with my mother's Christmas money tomorrow from Freeport Marks, but now that looks like it will be shelved... bum, I really need a boost in the shape of something nice to wear as a lot of last years dresses are a wee bit on the snug side.

Lots of love Debbie x

All well that ends well

Phew a huge sigh of relief as mother looks and sounds a lot better today. Really was worried about her yesterday as her spirits were so down, but apart from a slight wobble when she was getting dressed, she handled today well.
My aunties were pleased to see her and everyone seemed to have a good time. My cousin's daughters were a pleasure and I thoroughly enjoyed myself looking after them. They think I am weird, but hey that wouldn't be the first time someone has called me that!
So only a short one today, as I'm quite tired myself to be honest and quite overcome that Matt has got into the Strictly Final!

Lots of love x

What a difference a year makes

How is it I'm not working anymore, but I still seem to be rushing around like a thing possessed?
I keep forgetting that Friday rehab starts at 2pm and I never seem to have enough time before hand to do all I want to.
Mind you when I was working, it was always 2pm before I decided that it was lunchtime, so I guess the mornings have always had a habit of disappearing on me.
Fair dues though, I was late for rehab as I had to do yet another sample and I can never produce sputum in the morning and especially just lately, as I haven't been as lively on that front! Obviously why I'm doing yet another sample.
God the technicians must be fed up in the Broomfield labs of looking at the contents of my lungs. I wonder at what point in their lives do they decide that looking at sputum is the job for them?
Does it give them job satisfaction? Do they go home and say to their partners 'Oh I had a beautiful specimen of sputum today, you should have seen the sheen and texture of it?
Went straight to rehab and had to do the shuttle test as soon as I walked in. Actually I have improved so that shows rehab is worth while even though most of the blokes there moan for England.
Rounded Friday night up with going to Strada for a meal with Sam, Debbie M, Jean and Sheila from work for Debbie M's birthday. Very nice evening, good company and good food. But very tired when I got back home. Talking is exhausting I have decided and I did do a lot of that!

Saturday morning I decided I had to put the Christmas tree up, especially with my aunties coming up tomorrow from Hastings. 30mins later I was knackered. It is quite sad really when you think that this time last year I managed to put the tree up without turning blue!
If anyone looked through the window, they would think I was sitting contemplating where the next bauble should go or whether each string of balls was equally looped, where in fact the truth was I had run out of steam somewhat and had to get back my puff before the next five baubles went up.
The annoying thing is my nose is so sore at the moment. When I'm wearing the oxyge it keeps running for some unknown reason and also the lining is quite thin now so it keeps bleeding too. If I stopped once to wipe my nose, I must have stopped about fifty times.
Mother has been quite confused today and very upset. I think it a mixture of my brother not seeing her for months, the aunties coming for the day and knowing that they are going to see an old woman this time and of course her friend dying last month.
I tried to cheer her up by Oliver and myself, well me directing and Oliver up and down the ladder, putting up her Christmas decorations, but I stood outside her window on my way home watching her putting her head in her hands. It broke my heart to see her like that.
I went on to Julie's as it was Derek's and Xanthe's birthday tea, where it was lovely and noisy and a chance to drown myself in people, but mother was there in my head the whole time.

Lots of love Debbie x

I am the Christmas wrapping elf

Hoorah I am the owner of a posh new fridge freezer, although I have nothing to put in the freezer part yet as I don't normally do frozen food, but I will do tomorrow as I am going shopping for all things yummy.
The delivery men arrived at 8am, so the moment they left with their warnings of 'letting it stand for fours before plugging it in etc', I whipped off my clothes and donned my nightie again and jumped back into bed... this was in case I had the urge to plug it in of course, so best off sleeping and out of harms way I thought!
When I did resurface it was a wash and brush up and off for lunch with my friends Rosemary and Bill.

Bill has been a wheelchair user for a while now and dispersed my fears that I really was just being a wimp yesterday as he gave me the benefit of his hard earned lessons on keeping warm and travelling in a chair. I have to get 1) a sheepskin cover for my plastic chair seat which stops the sweaty crotch problems and badly creasing your clothes. 2) Motorcyclist thermal leggings are brilliant for freezing days under your normal trousers as quite thin, but wonderfully warm. 3) Fishermen socks to keep our toes from dropping off and 4) Cyclists waterproofs for when sitting in wheelchair in the rain... Not looking forward to that experience I can tell you, but I guess I can't really hide indoors on naff weather days can I or can I????
Lunch was lovely and they gave me a lovely pressie from France which put me in an excellent mood for the next part of my day... sorting out mother's Christmas wrapping.

I want it noted that I HATE wrapping Christmas presents with a vengeance, after all isn't that what gift bags were invented for? And writing Christmas cards... Ugh double hate. Poor mother was struggling to remember who she was writing cards to half way through each one and which grandchild belonged to which child, let alone the great grandchildren. Her hand got cramp about four cards in, but bless her she did it and I made her a much earned cuppa. The look of achievement on her face made me glad that I was in a calm mood thanks to Rosemary and Bill and that I could be there for her. Hopefully we won't have the same occurrence that we had last year, where she wrote the same cards over and over again so some people got at least three and others none.
She worries so much that she is forgetting things, but today she was positively glowing with pride that she finished the families cards. Just the friends to do now, but unfortunately that list is now dwindling as her friends are passing on, as she said she won't need so many lines of string this year. Surviving growing old can be very painful at this time of year.

Lots of love Debbie x

Oooo pretty wonderland

I think that every wheelchair should come with a manual. Yes I know you do actually get one about how to put it together, folding it down for backs of cars and so forth, running repairs etc, but I mean a manual that advises you what to do when facing night panics about going on a day trip out and just how many layers you should wear in what feels like minus 30. One duvet or two?
In summer you should be advised that you will get a sweaty crotch from seating on the padded seat... Mmmm inviting . And in winter you will get hypothermia from the toes upwards!

Yesterday I had a few worries about my palpitations that I had on Saturday. Hannah bless her, came out to me rather than me going to the hospital for my physio and came armed with her stats machine just in case my docobo was giving false readings on my heart rate etc or maybe I was reading it wrong... Oh such little faith.
Nah... stats came in at 79% and even Hannah nearly fainted at that reading! So what to do now as if palpitations don't calm down then no physio as that is dangerous for my old ticker and then no physio leads to chest infections that leads to everything being under pressure.
Luckily the fear of going to London for the day, didn't have an effect on my stats, the rest of me was shaking, but heart ok. I had a call from my specialist's secretary who was not happy either that the hospital missed out some vital tests, so thankfully I had asked the right questions to Hannah and Ruth and now the specialist is on the case too, they should be coming through pronto!

We had an early start for me and after lots of praying to my guardian angels last night, they certainly were looking after me as everything seemed to run smoothly. Julie, Natalie, Reni and myself... may I mention how cool it is to have a daughter or daughter in law to go out and about with, long may it reign... anyway we actually bagged the last disabled car parking space at Braintree railway station, as we honestly thought we'd have to get our tickets there and drive like the wind to Freeport to park. But no, a space waiting just for us and a buy two rail tickets get two free offer too!
Got to London and it turns out that our very nice taxi driver worked with Julie 35 years ago and let us off cheap for ride to Covent Garden.
There had to buy first extra item of clothing... more socks, but bliss to be able to feel feet again. Had lunch in nice a very restaurant, which was also a bargain deal and warm.
After having a surprise of seeing the Coca Cola lorry from the TV, the advert that to all of us heralds Christmas is coming was in Covent Garden, complete with a fab singing band and giving away free cans of Coca Cola to boot... result. Though the sad little confectionery vendor looked naffed off by his takings going down.
Next another nice cabbie, who also let us off some of the fare without even knowing any of us and he took us to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park where it was F A B!
Brought another item of clothing, some rather groovy earmuffs, but Oooo so warm.
We did the mulled wine, the Christmas stalls, looked on with awe at the Christmas themed fun fair, listened to the talking tree. And no it really was talking and wasn't my drugs again and we ate candy floss after going on the Big Wheel.
Really wow up there, even if Natalie kept scaring Reni by moving the the capsule that we were in by jumping from seat to seat with a 'Oh look at that' as she viewed London through the eye of a camera. They made me roar as they were like children again, the bouncy one and the timid one, but even the timid one had let go and was spinning round looking at everything by the fourth trip round!
The journey home we thought we had lucked out, as it took ages to get to Liverpool Street, although we got to see lots of pretty lights and trees, but sadly we arrived five minutes into peak time. But thank you guardian angels, but not one person checked our tickets as we went through the disabled persons gate and we were home and dry on the train bound home.
So thank you angels of the heavenly kind and my human, but equally heavenly friends who I adore and knew how scared I was of going today, but never berated me for it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Lots of love Debbie x

Wrap your sandwiches in a map please

Took Julie to Broomfield airport, sorry hospital this afternoon and it's still no less daunting even on the second visit. We went early enough which is just as well as the directions we were given for Julie's clinic were far from straight forward and some of the 'Stop us and ask us' hospital helpers, seemed as confused as we were. There was three ladies at the check in desk and we were all going to the same place (I was ear wigging!), but we all arrived from different directions, but all wearing that look of bewilderment on our faces. Sounds like the beginning of of a limerick. Actually one of the ladies didn't even turn up at the end destination, so she is probably still lost in transit going round and round and round!
It is really like a rabbit warren there. I was mentally taking notes for when I have to go next time to see my specialist, all very confusing.

From there it was a mad dash home so I could go to Rehab. Half of me was hoping that it would have been cancelled because of the freezing fog, but no such luck. I do feel a lot better after going to rehab, but I always have to drag myself there each time with what feels like concrete shoes on. Still you stop feeling useless there and you can have a laugh with the others who are in much the same boat.
I asked Ruth about my palpitations, but as I haven't had the meeting with my specialist about results from my tests as yet, it looks if it happens again I'll have to speak to my doctor. But as Ruth says no doubt they'll say wait till I speak to my specialist. And it goes round and round!

Lots of love Debbie x

Christmas visits, past, present and future

You will be visited by three electrical ghosts. The ghost of Christmas Past 2009 comes in the guise of a TV and the ghost of Christmas Present 2010 in the shape of a fridge freezer and God only knows what will decide to go wrong at this time of year in 2011. Luckily Julie's husband Derek is no Scrooge and has come to my aid once again... God Bless you Tiny Derek!

Saturday was a busy, but a really nice day with friends popping round and telephoning. And luckily they are friends that will get up and make me a cuppa and not expect me to wait on them, as my heart was racing and doing back flips most of the day.
I guess I shall be expecting a call from the Respiratory team when they come in on Monday, as my stats are all over the place again.
Maybe it was the thought of freedom from my bungalow, as the snow has melted and I could make a break for it to the shops. I do enjoy driving and really didn't want to go straight home from my food shopping trip, so I just drove around for a while. Odd how everywhere looks untidy once the snow has gone.
I also brought some cat food for the hedgehog just in case he is still alive and has forgiven me.
Went out with Greta for her Christmas meal with her work collegues at night. I was quite nervous about gate crashing their party, but they were really kind and welcoming, so thank you for that. The restaurant was very nice and so was the food, but it was their easy company that made it a lovely evening.

Today my mood took a bit of a nose dive and I very nearly misplaced my bad mood on the wrong person, my mother. As I was trying to wrap her dinner up in foil and t-towels to keep it hot while balancing my large oxygen unit on my back and shuffling between our two bungalows, I was a bit miffed to say the least that I can never just have a Sunday lunch in peace and quiet.
Yes I was out of puff when I got to hers, but she looked so concerned about me with her sad watery eyes, that I remembered that I wasn't miffed with her, but with the rest of my family. My other siblings who are probably doing their own thing as usual without a second thought for their poor old mother and no doubt thinking that Debbie will make sure she's fed and ok.
I will probably have lots of Sundays alone without her, but they will ever be able to look back on some of the fun Sundays that mother and myself have shared. So sorry mother if I sometimes get grumpy, it's not you that I am frustrated about I realise this now and I would rather have a Sunday with you than without you any day.
You can choose your friends, but not your family the saying goes. And although I do love my family, I really would love to shake them at times too and get them to see what they are missing out on.

Lots of love Debbie x

I'm a weeble woman!

Busy, busy, busy like a good semi retired person should be... ah nah. Sat and read my book for quite a while this morning, well that's educational should I ever go to Bombay.
I did do my washing, did all my last lot of ironing and hoovered right round this afternoon, so not quite joined the 'great unwashed set' as yet.
Do feel a bit like an old woman when walking at the moment, not sure why I walk like this when I have a chest infection, but it actually hurts to stand up straight at the moment. I kind of roll when walking and where I have my large back pack oxygen on, I look like I should be going to the pole or somewhere equally bloody cold??!! Probably having a chest infection is not the best time to not be able to have any physio... damn you snow!
Luckily my ex helped out with mother's shopping this afternoon and I took it over to her. Actually it was quite nice to get out of my bungalow for a while, even though mother tried to kill me on the journey home by lending me one of her walking sticks. She said it would help me to get a grip, which it did until I got to the road and then it slipped straight out from under me on the icy road. Luckily as I'm bent up while walking at the moment, I wasn't that far from the ground if I had of followed the stick. And after all as I'm rolling when I walk anyway, I could carry it through and do a commando roll on the road... yeah right!
Ann brought me some milk and bread over tonight and I cooked for her in return. It was nice to actually hear another voice in the bungalow!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit more exciting.

Lots of love Debbie x

Please Father Christmas may I have another pair of Tesco PJs

Bliss... today I got my lie in. In fact I didn't actually get out my pj bottoms till I took my mother's stew over to her bungalow at 6pm. I think if I wasn't worried about falling over in the snow and covering myself in hot chicken stew, I would have left them on. God bless Tescos winsette pj bottoms, they are just the best!
I have got my morning attire down to a fine art now. I wake up and swap my flimsy nightie for warm jumper and my beloved pj bottoms, then when you have to go out only then you get dressed. I can't sleep in pjs as I get too hot in bed, but I just I love dossing around the house in them.
I deserved a lie in this morning because as I thought yesterday, I was coughing a fair bit through the night thanks to the smell of paint and as we had a heavy fall of snow through the night, I couldn't see the sense on getting up while my bed was so warm and I was still tired.
My bathroom does look a bit like the beginnings of a tossed salad with all my onion halves everywhere. An old wives tale I know and whether it does soak up the smell of paint I don't know, as it still smells pretty high in there, but it's worth a try.
I'm not sure whether it's the lack of oxygen, too much central heating, the new chest infection, the paint or the rather strong chilli chocolate as still won't give up on that bar just yet, but I am having stormers for headaches especially across the bridge of my nose.
Could just be the fact that I'm not actually getting very much fresh air at the moment, as thanks to the snow my days revolve around reading a rather good book that Jean lent me and cooking wholesome meals while looking like a domestic goodness in pjs! Yeah right! Nigella eat your heart out as I too can pout while wearing my 'shape your butt' slippers from Avon and with fluffy socks too!

Lots of love Debbie x

Prisoner 21081956

Day two of being semi retired and having to get up early on yet another freezing cold morning.

I do appreciate the fact the my bathroom is being painted and this is included in my rent, so no extra charge, but isn't it sod's law they have to come on the day when it's so cold that the Met office have been given out weather warnings non stop?
Take one pair of knackered lungs, a chest infection on top, freezing cold weather, not using a low odour paint but one that has added nasties to kill any mildew and you have a recipe for a very uncomfortable couple of days and nights until the smell has gone.
To pass the time and trying to distract myself enough to keep myself warm with the front door open, I decided to look up about hedgehogs and feeding advice in general. Found a really cute website with pink daisies and sweet little hedgehogs all over it and sprung back in horror from it, complete with a hand over mouth action.
I am a murderer.
In bold red capital letters with not one, but double astrix either side of the writing it said
**DO NOT FEED ON BREAD AND MILK** I have killed it with my ignorant kindness. Somewhere there isn't a hedgehog curled up in a ball, blissfully sleeping off a large serving of Ready Brek and brown bread thinking I'll visit that lovely lady again in the Spring, which was what I was hoping; but a hedgehog curled up with severe stomach pains and diarrhea and I did that to the poor little thing and it's probably now frozen in a painful death. This chest infection is my karma I guess.
Luckily tonight I went to my old house for my ex's birthday meal, which Oliver and myself jointly cooked. And it was freezing in there. I forgot how my ex didn't like the central heating being on and even more so since he had a huge bill last year. This was after I convinced him it was cheaper to keep the house heated all the time on a steady heat, then to keep trying to heat up an old house. He got a quite warm house, but a £300 plus bill too for his trouble and remembered that my 'you should do this' was one of the reasons that he probably wanted to divorce me for!
There was no heating on at all upstairs and when I needed to go to the loo before going home, I decided to clench my buttocks and risk the journey home and go then in the warmth of bathroom even though it stunk of paint!
I suppose if I think back to being a teenager, actually no because that house was the first one we had with central heating; that was how we lived and we survived. Lots of layers in the daytime, thick nighties and hot water bottles by night.
No wonder I have a knackered chest!

Lots of love Debbie x

Grumpy teenager mode

Ok who glued my eyes together in the night, because this morning they really didn't want to open and I had to meet a builder early this morning about my bathroom.
It was snowing and my bed was warm. I did not want to leave it. I'm not sure whether it was the new drugs making me so sleepy or I suspect it was my body telling it needs sleep to get over this bout of infection, but either way I wanted to sleep so bad.
Well that ain't going to happen as I have to get up early again tomorrow, because the painters are coming back to finish off the walls from three weeks ago. Why do they have to come so bloody early each time, I am grateful honestly, but I need to sleep?
Once I was up, I really couldn't settle and was walking around like a caged animal all be it a sleepy one, but sleepy means grumpy. My physio had been cancelled because of the snow which I was quite pleased about, as I really didn't want to drive in the snow to get to the hospital. But of course that always has a knock on effect and that is my chest won't get all the gunk out until Friday now and what happens if it's still snowy, you can't expect the poor physios to come out in bad weather.
I walked over to my mother's as I thought moving about might help it shift it off my chest, but that was a bad move as I wasn't in the right mood for mother's hoarding junk mail tactics and every time I sat down, it was get me this or get me that please and she worries me that she can't remember if she eaten or not. I had made todays lunch for her yesterday, but as there was no washing up then it's possible they were eaten yesterday before she went to bed after she ate the cottage pie for dinner and the other sandwiches for lunch... not the first time this has happened and I guess if she is hungry than she'll make herself some toast.
I love my mother dearly, but today I really couldn't be arsed with her junk mail and having to repeat myself a hundred times... then of course I feel guilty for acting like a sulky teenager. Bummer because she'll look at you and hold your face between her hands before she kisses you goodbye and I will hate myself all night.
I used to love the snow and still do, but standing watching the snow falling from a window smacks of my mother's life really, it's no fun being on your own at times. Sorry mumma I will try and retur to being the nice daughter tomorrow.

Not a great day today, more frustrating than anything I guess.

Lots of love Debbie x

Bring the drugs Forrest

Yay I have a stroppy cockle infection or something that sounds like that, but I don't care.
I actually punched the air when the doctor called to tell me that I needed antibiotics on top of Colomycin that I always take. Why am I so pleased, because it means that I look and feel crap for a reason!!
Ok I'm still over weight, but at least I know why I'm bloated, so frigging tired, dark ringed and puffy eyed... Oh yes baby bring on the drugs.
I celebrated this by cracking open one of my emergency stash of chocolate liqueurs as I doubt that I shouldn't be drinking on top of two lots of antibiotics, but really wanted to drink to the fact that I had a reason for looking like some one's old maiden aunt.
Whether in five days time, when I'm laying in my bed unable to sleep at 4am, because I'm wired up thanks to the Tetracycline tablets, I might reconsider this jubilant celebration and break into my chocolate liqueur stash yet again to drink and knock myself out... who knows... how does the saying go... Life is a box of chocolates and I'm eating most of them!

No sign of the hedgehog today, so I'm hoping it's sleeping blissfully with a full belly under a hedge somewhere and will wake up some time in March when it's warmer and not paws up, because by jingo it's freezing out there today. Still no real snow here yet apart from a half hearted flurry apart lunch time, but I think that could change by morning as the frost on the cars outside my window has got to be an inch thick!
Even rehab today was a 'lets get it over and go home' and there was no telling us off when we rebelled on the 'sit to stand' exercise. I was quite ready to bluff it through to young Rachel and tell her that Ruth had said we could miss that one while Ruth was with a patient, but the oldies panicked and said we better do it... chickens!
I even dragged out my patchwork quilt to put on the bottom of my bed tonight, as my feet were freezing last night. The top half of me is always toasty even with no heating on in the bedroom and my window open, but if me feet are cold, I can not sleep.
So a hot bath tonight and a warm bed here I come.

Lots of love Debbie x

Hedgehog for breakfast

Ooo a frosty morning this morning, but no snow as yet.
I am really pleased that my bungalow is so warm and toasty, as I have lived in some really cold places and the worst for the cold was my little flat in Witham... by God that was freezing after nine o'clock at night!
I had a visitor for breakfast this morning who was really cold and that was a baby hedgehog. Surely they should be hibernating by now? Maybe it was hungry and that's why it was awake? Hopefully my readybrek and brown bread mixture for the poor little thing, will help it to sleep and won't kill it in the process as it was sitting in the bowl eating it as if it's life depended on it. See if I was a true retired person, I would have already googled this just in case of this crisis!

Went to the Food show at Cressing Temple with Jo after breakfast with the hedgehog and we both got some goodies, not the hedgehog Julie, he stayed at home! Unfortunately I didn't get any Rum Punch this time as that stallholder has really increased his prices I'm sad to say, but as I'm going tea total till Christmas, I'm not worried. Say I'm going on the wagon often enough and I'll believe it!
There were some really lovely bits down there today, but I was very good and only brought presents and food stuff. I have to admit though the chilli chocolate don't half bite back, I wonder if that was a disgruntled worker made that batch, as that nearly blew my socks off!
I made mother lunch later and we just had a lazy day in front of my tv.
So not a lot to report I'm afraid and I'm still sulking that my body double Anne Widdecome is still in Strictly Come Dancing... dear God what is the world coming too?

Lots of love Debbie x

PS

Just got to tell you this. As I signed out, a whole load of ads popped up for anti-wrinkle cream!
Isn't that the sweetest thing, don't you just love internet optimism!?

Lots of love Debbie x

The alternative Mona Lisa

Ooo I woke up with a headache plus a sore throat this morning and there was no way I was leaving my bed before I was well and truly ready. Did I sing too many improper songs, fall off a table and land on my head last night at my party or was it just that I had a generous amount of drinks and ended up talking too much? Me talking too much? Ok you've got me there, but there were so many people and so little time to fit everyone in.
I did look really bad this morning and when I revisited my discovery of the three year old photos that I found yesterday on my mobile, I did have a little weep. Even when I showed Reni today, there was silence and a hug from her.
Three years ago I was a stone and a bit lighter, short blonde hair, full of life and the only lines on my face were laughter lines, ok there was a hell of a lot of laughter!
Now I am just over eleven stone with a bloated face and bloated stomach thanks to too many drugs, a face that shows every bad day that has passed in those three years in the shape of dark sunken eyes, lines everywhere which believe me ain't no laughter lines this time and a look that the Mona Lisa would have been wearing if she was thinking 'holly fuck what's next, I've had enough matey boy,' all topped off with grotty grey hair because I don't want to die with roots. At least she got to wear a blanket on her head, I need one over my head and my face! And believe me, having a hangover doesn't help the Debbie Burden stroke Mona Lisa look one iota and in my view that woman looked seriously pissed off and she was supposed to be smiling!
Even my mother looks better than me with her freshly painted red finger nails!
Still I had a surprise visit from my eldest son who came with Oliver and Reni for the afternoon, which was lovely having my family around me and this really boosted me up.
So after I've drunk this rather strong brandy and coke which is for medicinal reasons of course as my throat is still sore, I'm not drinking until Christmas and I'm off back to bed!

Lots of love Debbie x

Farewell Student Services it's been a blast

Oh my God, people actually do like me! I walked onto the 2nd floor this afternoon (where I still technically work, so technically I'm having my retirement do under false pretences, but you ain't getting the pressies back!) and was greeted with coloured streamers, a stand full of photos of yours truly with various captions underneath, not all PC, but we are talking about me here and three tables full of food and drink complete with a fabby decorated cake by Sally.
To say I was nervous before I left home was an understatement, especially as Hannah from the respiratory team called to say that they were concerned that the readings from my Docobo was showing that my heart rate was rather high.
Oh Lord, a couple of surprises at my party and bang... heart attack here I come before I even start to draw my pension!
I explained that it could be that I was a bit stressed about the party and promised if my heart started acting strange, then I would call for help immediately. Now that would be a send off and a half to go off in an ambulance, wonder if the ambulance man would double up as a strip-o-gram for me?!
But the real send off that I did receive was amazing, I am still sitting here looking at my presents and cards, and I'm gobsmacked... plus a little hungover too now!
I knew that I've worked with the kindest of people for the last eleven years. People that have supported me through my divorce, Matt's accident, family fall outs, my bankruptcy and of course my illness; but it seems that I have made them laugh with my frank outbursts, my funny stories of my disasters because if it's going to happen, it will happen to me and the way I take the piss out of everything and everybody, but mainly myself.
Thank you everyone for giving me the best eleven years, I really will miss you all. And please if I did say anything naughty while I was under the influence of two glasses of wine, one large glass of champagne and two brandies, then I'm really sorry... but it was the drugs!!!!

Lots of love Debbie x

Ooo doves and penguins!

Thankfully the 'Yuk Bug' has passed thanks to resting most of Wednesday and getting a sound beating to empty my lungs from one of Ruth's new recruits in the afternoon. Normally I go to Maldon to relax with a picnic next to the water, this time I was at the hospital there hanging onto the bed with my ass in the air over a bouncy pillow, while a trainee physio beat seven bells out of me. Not only did she knock the sputum out of my lungs, but the tiredness went as well. How?
She asked if I was a smoker and that was enough to get me fired up and the fighting spirit back in me. Not that I was rude to her, but I had to explain although I have to attend a COPD clinic, I haven't got a smoking related disease. If I don't fight my corner, people will carry on presuming, so I haven't got time to be tired.

So even though I was petrified of my own shadow on the Tuesday and really didn't want to go on the trip to Norfolk to the Christmas show today, because of the fore casted heavy snow; I was fired up enough to go and there I sat in the falling snow with a pair of penguin earmuffs on my head whilst freezing my butt off!
I was scared of going because, what if our coach got stuck in the predicted heavy snow and I couldn't get home? What would I do for my night oxygen, after all I hadn't been feeling my strongest lately? Then my friend Barbara pointed out that if I did get stuck, then the emergency department could bring out a canister of oxygen or take me to it... duh... Why didn't I think of that?
So my adventure started with a early rise, so I've proved one step stronger to the 'Yuk Bug' and we set off on the coach to Thursford with fifty OAPs... thanks Greta, but it prove to be great fun.
Not sure about having to eat a full Christmas dinner at 11am though, that wasn't so much fun even with wearing the obligatory paper hats out of the cracker and a stiff brandy to help wash it down. Just how do little OAPs managed to consume so much so early?
But the main attraction at Thursford was worth the early start. The Christmas show was a really lovely old fashioned variety show with lots of tap dancing and high kicking show girls, a smiling handsome magician, a cute ventriloquist and lots of singers... Ooo and doves that flew across the hall at the end after the fake snow fell! All was this set in a hall that looked like a wonderful grown ups Christmas grotto. All the better because no children allowed in the show... bliss.
I did feel guilty that my mother wasn't there as she would have really loved it, but Greta wouldn't have been able to handle two cripples. I hope that maybe next year if all goes well, than I'll be able to take her and she can marvel at the doves too, maybe we can all wear penguin earmuffs!

Lots of love Debbie x

I dedicate this oscar to...

Why is it there is always a spanner ready to be thrown in the works? Just when you are feeling content, something has to come along and whip the rug from under your feet. Today it was I felt yuk.
Now I know I have an end stage lung disease and I am waiting for the ok to go ahead for a transplant, but I actually do feel pretty content with my life weirdly enough, but I woke up this morning and felt really grim.
My blood pressure was low again today and my stats weren't wonderful, but it was more a kind of tiredness that had settled on me which could have gone either way today... back to bed after a call for help or try and work through it. I've been told that I mustn't hide away or give up, but I am so bloody tired.
I've been in hospital when feeling healthier than this and I know I have got tougher, but hell I know when I feel tired and today is it. I looked really shite too and I know it sounds proper girlie to say this, but my hair looked a state and for me an ex hairdresser, that is a good sign that something isn't correct in my body. But the actor in me says the Debbie Burden is a jolly good fellow road show must go on.

Ruth said yesterday that there was a culture in my sputum that they couldn't get a reading on and as Sadie is normally spot on recognising when I'm not right, I've got to do another sample today.
Mother who happily told my sister yesterday that we were going out again today, decided after I had put my actors head on and while sitting eating lunch that I didn't really want, that she shouldn't have come out as she didn't feel right and wasn't hungry. Handy mother, wish you had decided that earlier.
Afterwards I tried to do a sample as we were driving to the hospital and managed just to vomit instead into the specimen jar thanks to trying so close to eating... yuk! Have to try again tomorrow now.
Still Derek cheered mother up with his amazing job on her kitchen and it was good to see her smile again, as a chance of a smile looked a million miles away from her earlier today.
Perhaps there is a 'yuk' bug going around and perhaps we've both got it and today it will pass and tomorrow we will wake up back as happy rejects?
I hope so.

Lots of love Debbie x

Domestic Goddess meets Gladiator.

Another productive day at the office, sorry at my home.
Gave mother the slip this morning and ordered another sick certificate for work, as a month has gone by already. Then I had my car cleaned by the very kind men in Braintree, who did look a wee bit horrified at the amount of birds shite all over my car. But I gave them double, because A) I felt bad about how dirty it was and B) so I could go back again without them putting up the closed sign when they saw me coming next time.
I then went off food shopping so I didn't have to go after rehab. I do realise this was a waste of petrol as it meant going to the same place twice, as where I go to rehab backs on to Tescos.
But what the hell I'm living dangerously and I've plenty of time ahead of me to panic about the price of petrol.
Next it was a stop off at the garden centre to get some more plants for my last two hanging baskets and I brought enough for some over for the patio pot with the fuchsia in it. I'm not a hundred percent sure how to handle that one at the moment, as I still haven't found any articles that tell you what to do with them once winter arrives and actually I was a bit knackered after doing the two baskets and I still had to go to rehab.
As I discovered yesterday, I'm very good at lopping and hacking things off in the garden, but I restrained myself this time until I'd done a bit more research. Oooo I really am a retired person now as I've heard them talking at rehab about researching this that and the other on line, I am now officially in the clan!
After rehab I had to speed back to watch Derek dismantle mother's shelves, while I cooked her dinner and she tried to humiliate me by trying to give him a fiver. God my mother is such a cheap skate at times!
Then come 8pm it was at last time for me to sit down and eat my meal.
I am being thrifty in the kitchen as I decided to use up my carrots as mash al la Nigel Slater and even made some curried parsnip soup for tomorrow while my dinner was cooking. Ok a few problems arising there. I overdid the curry paste as by God it's hot and I am now wearing some of my soup as I tried to blend it in the saucepan, but the jumper will wash and it didn't take me long to scape it off my glasses. I have to admit I did look a bit like a gladiator hiding behind my saucepan lid while wielding my blender!

Lots of love Debbie x

Mary, Joseph and gardening gnomes

Quite a productive day after a slow start. My ex husband came round to help me tidy up the garden ready for winter this morning. I wasn't sure what we should be doing as normally the magazines that I read always have a gardening section, but not this time of course.
So my outlook on wintering tidying is if it sticks up, cut it off. Come spring we will find out if I am a gardening guru or a garden gnome!
My ex is very good at keeping the lawns looking fab and is brilliant at digging things over, but as he is a sports groundsman, he has always admitted that his flowering knowledge is limited, but he is very handy to have around.
There is something quite satisfying though about lopping things back and pulling weeds up, even if my case it was lop two little branches and then rest for 5mins!
It's good that we are still such good friends as we chatted quite happily about Christmas presents and our children as we worked before treating ourselves to a much earned cuppa.

When he left it was a quick tidy up and change of clothes to take mother out for lunch. Thankfully she was exceptionally good company and more sprightly on her pins, which was just as well as after trying four pub/restaurants for Sunday lunch, we were beginning to feel like Mary and Joseph on our quest for a table!
We ended up at Tiptree Jam Factory tea rooms and mother was rewarded with the last chicken and leek suet pudding on the menu while I had to settle for a beef salad with hot potatoes. Well at least we got a table and got to buy some jams and chutneys from their gift shop to take home for crumpets on chilly nights and Monday lunch left overs. And by the farmers weather forecast, we won't have long to wait before the cold weather arrives, maybe snow showers by Thursday no less.
When we got back it was definitely time for me to slip into my pj bottoms and t-shirt while slumming it on the sofa... Bring on the snow I say!

Lots of love Debbie x

And they're orf!

I badly need some new underwear. I seem to have gone up another size now to 40D, which years ago I would have been very gratified with and so would have been my ex husband, but as I still have Spaniel dogs ears for breasts, I can only presume it is where my rib cage is expanding!
Either way my bras hurt and have to come off after a while so my breasts can roam free, as I really hate feeling constrained now.
I also need bigger labels in my knickers, as I wore my pair of 'Bridget Joneses' back to front tonight! I thought they felt rather awkward when I was sitting, or walking come to that, but I couldn't change them around as it would have been bad luck.
Actually my luck was pretty good tonight, as our table won quite a few prizes between us at the British Legion Race Night. It was a Rotary Club fundraiser for St John's Ambulance and as Bill (who invited us girls) and myself have a quite a good chance of using the said stretcher that the funds were for, we thought we should all attend and we were jolly glad we did. Bill won every race bar one, plus three bottles of red wine and I won two races and a raffle prize. Julie won a couple of races and a raffle prize and poor Ann won nothing, but she did enjoy the fish and chip supper!
So maybe I should use my winnings and buy some new undies and Bill should forge a new career as a professional gambler?!

Lots of love Debbie x

Hello heart

I saw my heart today and it was wonderful. I know parents to be have had the pleasure of seeing their unborn by scans for many years now, but today I had an Echocardiogram on my heart and lungs and I got to see them both.
It was beating rather fast, but that could have been because we got lost twice trying to find the new Cardio Suite in Broomfield which is rather like a space station now, but for me it was instant... love at first sight.
The disco that was being held in my lungs was a little disconcerting, but the lady operating the equipment told me that the blue and red flashing lights were showing the blood and oxygen circulation in my lungs... all clever stuff.
I have always had trouble trying to come to grips that I may have to have my heart swapped with the lungs' owner ever since it was first mentioned, as they like to do all three at the same time to lessen the chance of rejection and better results etc.
Swapping my lungs no problem as they have caused me untold grief ever since I was young, but my heart being swapped is something that doesn't sit easily with me... my heart is me. What happens if I get a scum bags heart, will I start stealing cars or have the urge to say 'everyone down on the floor now' when queuing up in the post office to send a parcel? I can be brusque now with the cute little heart that I have now, so what happens after the transplant?!
I know my heart is tired, because it feels tired and if that scan had a speaker, I'm sure you would hear it in a tiny voice saying how weary it is with all this pumping what little oxygen I have around my body to do so many important things.
I've tired to take care of it, but now I have seen it I will treasure it for as long as I have it.
I don't care if people think I have lost the plot, but tonight I will go to sleep with my hands on it and hope it knows that I am trying to give it a hug.

Lots of love Debbie x

Manic Wednesdays, boring Thursdays

A strange couple of days. Wednesday was full of ups and downs and today just diddly squat.
I just wonder how the day can disappear when you are just poodling about and appear to being do very little?

I went with my friend to Ocky Health yesterday and it felt rather like handing over your first born child to the teacher on their first day at school. She looked absolutely petrified going in and whatever I said to try and make her feel better wasn't going to put her mind at ease. But although she looked like she had been through the wringer, they both came out of the office kind of smiling and she now has tasks to do to get her back on track before seeing the doctor again.
I guess I am very lucky as I know I have 'silent scream' moments and panic attacks, but I do have the nature that bounces back very quickly whatever is thrown at me. It may take a day, but normally never longer.
Her first task was to run into Broomfield hospital and get my repeat drugs for me, as the new car park, new pharmacy, new wing etc was opened this week and I didn't think I could negotiate that on my own today and in fact it took her all of fifteen minutes to get the drugs and come back to my car.
When I dropped her off at her house, she had that look on her face of someone who has just removed their magic knickers... one of huge relief.
We both came to a decision about the Christmas do which we had been looking forward to, but now it hasn't got the same appeal for either of us. Ok we may have to lose the £50, but rather that than her dreading it and me taking a week so near to Christmas to get over it. I think we are being sensible in not going. Besides I can't dance, well apart from just one and takes knackers me for the next day and I wouldn't be able to drink if I was driving and there's no way that I could go on the dodgems wearing my oxygen. If it got hit, I could take the whole of Northweald out! Nah, safer for everyone that I stay at home, as it's not that I haven't got things to look forward to.
I then had lunch at work with the learning support girls and it already seems weird for me up there now, as if I am interloper on the second floor. I know there was only a few working up there, but there was none of the usual buzz.
Next stop was my mother's where there was more than enough buzz to keep me going. We almost come to blows again over her bloody junk mail. She is convinced that she has won one of these £15,000 that drop through her door on a daily basis and all she has to do is buy a load of crap to be entered into the draw.
I had two friends around for a meal tonight, my old neighbour and another old friend and thankfully that was a good way to end the day. I am now the owner of some pretty autumn coloured flowers and I have some wine left over... result!

Today I was busy doing nothing really. I had to stay with mother until the gas man had been to inspect her boiler etc, so after I'd done her shopping and cooked a spag bol for a late lunch, he turned up and was gone in about 15mins flat. So then I was dispatched off to do some more shopping as I had forgotten her milk and then thankfully I was able to rest.
Derek also came round to deliberate just how he is going to sort out the fridge housing crisis and as usual, it was 'No problem' and off he went. He always makes me feel calm bless him.
Mother whispered should she give him a fiver for doing the work? Err hello mother anyone there! She has no idea about money at times daft old bat. She'll spend about £30 on cakes from Belgium or garden bulbs from Holland that never grow (from junk mail again) but then say something stupid like a fiver for a job which includes someones hard work and time! Bless her she blushed and said 'I'm being daft aren't I again'... In a nutshell yes mother in a nutshell!

Lots of love Debbie x

Up the creek without a paddle

One of my lovely yummy mummy friends called me today and her first question was 'Do I miss work?'
Well considering that only 30mins before, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing my mother's bedroom carpet, her commode, her actual toilet and stripping the valance of her double bed thanks to my mother's over enthusiastic dose of ex-lax, I think the answer would be an resounding, YES please take me back now! They may be small tablets mother, but they say one for a reason.
Surely this is child abuse????
And before anyone says, 'I shouldn't be doing this'... I know, but who would do it, because if I didn't, then she would be left in her own shite until my sister popped over tomorrow.
Anyway poor old girl had enough on her plate, as her best friend since moving to the village died this morning at the grand old age of 96, but she was quite a poor old soul. In fact that's her only friend here now, as they've all passed on or are too ill or old to keep in contact.

I have to admit that at 4am this morning, I thought I had one toe in the grave as I couldn't breathe and woke up gasping for breath. Either I had actually swallowed a spider... again according to Sam's old wives tales... or my stats had dropped down really low.
Either way, just as well I made a come back into this world otherwise mother would have been up shite creek without a paddle!
I had a lady from the council/social services come this morning to talk about me getting a shower and looks like it will all go ahead, plus I can keep my bath... Hoorah! I tried my luck about getting a shed too, but the jury is out on that one. Fingers crossed though.

Lots of love Debbie x

That will teach me

There may have been a whole lot of love in the air on Saturday, but by Sunday night my mood had turned into a really malignant state of affairs I'm sorry and ashamed to say.
By 9pm I didn't want to talk to anyone and really needed 'me' time with a capital M where I was so tired. I wouldn't say my stats were very low, but my breathing really was quite unpleasant with anything and everything wearing me out.
I went to bed and fell into a lovely deep sleep, but unfortunately it only lasted about half an hour and I was wide awake again and this time sleep evaded me leaving me even more bad tempered. My last trip to the toilet which was done out of boredom, was about 3.20am and luckily this time I actually went off for a couple of hours before waking up again.
My first sight of me in the mirror was pretty grim. White as a sheet with big dark circles around the eyes, a good look for Halloween, but not one for a Monday morning, thank goodness I wasn't still at work.
So this morning's tasks were executed very slowly indeed until my colour came back to me. I switched on the washing machine and then went back to sleep for an hour. I sat in bed doing my drugs before putting out my washing and then I had a bath which I fell asleep in.
It was one of those mornings which wasn't helped by the fact I had let my fridge run down as I was out Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday lunch at my sisters. So eating a cupcake is not a healthy choice as far as breakfasts go, but as it was 11am before I actually got my act together, I suppose it could be classed as an elevenses?

Still from lunchtime onwards was ok as I spent that food shopping, cooking mother's dinner and then rehab and yes I whipped those OAP suckers arses! Well before I start crowing too loudly, I did my walk outside in the exercise yard and it was too cold out there for them, so they were probably speeding about in the warm hall. One of the old girls kept giving me dagger looks every time I threw the ball at her, so perhaps not all my aggression had disappeared, but she still spoke to me, so I couldn't have been that bad.
And after that my youngest son looked after me and cooked a rather wholesome casserole round his for us both. I was unfortunately late though, as I stopped off to get a dessert and promptly lost my car keys getting into the car. Payback Karma obviously for throwing the ball too hard at the old girl and for being a grump last night. Just as I was about to cry and ring Oliver to get him to drive back to mine and get the spare set, I found them in my shopping bag. I swear they fell on the floor otherwise I wouldn't have been kneeling on the cold carpark, but as I said... Karma for being grumpy.
After my belly was full, I drove home to do round two of drugs and by jingo it was freezing out there! In fact I do believe it was close to freezing fog. All the cars in his carpark had a coat of frost over them, mine included and as I had also lost my glove at the same time as losing my keys, I was not a happy bunny... Ok I'll stop being a bitch already!
But driving home the fog was quite thick in places, so I was more than glad to get home to my warm bungalow.
Hopefully I'll be able to snuggle down under the covers and sleep will come and stay tonight.

Lots of love Debbie x

A whole lot of loving going on

I had busy and lovely weekend, which I prepared for by resting up and not overdoing it in the days ahead, especially as I felt run down before the weekend even got here.

I had a treat on Friday with Stella coming over and going through the bungalow for me on a cleaning frenzy. The plaster dust from having the bathroom walls treated, is still finding it's way all over my bungalow and so far the floors still keep turning white ad washing them really wears me out. Plus bless her she always brings me her homemade cakes... Mmmm.
It was also Ann's birthday, so us girlies went out to the Turkish Restaurant in Braintree that evening which is a favourite for all of us. We all adore Turkey and until I get my transplant, this is the nearest I will get to going back. Just walking up the path to the restaurant and smelling the very definite smells of BBQ lamb mixed with their herbs and spices transports back to very happier days spent in Hisaruno. It's a very basic restaurant, but it is just how it should be, no airs and graces, just really good food.
So after a huge meat feast, I went home to my very clean bungalow and went off to sleep ready for tomorrows wedding.

The wedding was gorgeous and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The venue was in an area that I had forgotten existed, in fact I didn't realise that there were so many villages all next to each other with Roding in the title. In fact it was a bit like driving through an episode of 'Midsummer Murders!'
We were exceptionally lucky with the weather, as it had been foul all week and although it was bitingly cold, the rain stayed off and everyone were able to take outside photos of the beautiful bride and groom. We were warmed up with good food, good company and the feeling of love going around.
I love watching people and it never fails to warm my soul to watch couples in love. Obviously the happy couple who radiate love, had enough for the everyone in the room to feel loved too, but the love in the speeches from the groom and his two brothers for each other and their dad reduced me to tears.
Watching the older folk holding hands to help each other when walking on uncertain ground and the people who reckon they are past all that lovely dovey nonsense, but when they give their partners a look, you know that they are there for each other and still love each other dearly. Then you have my two friends that even though she calls him a 'baldy old git', it was him who was lovingly rubbing her back as she threw up at the side of the road and not through drink I hasten to add. And although I have no one in my life that I can call my own, I have lots of friends that love me and I them and that is what gets me through all sorts of times and gives me hope.
And one of the highlights for me, was I danced a whole dance. Ok I wanted to pass out afterwards, but for 5mins, I remebered what it felt like to be normal and it was grand. Thank you Robin who was once again my dance partner!
So anyone who spoke to me today and thought that I was a miserable old sod, please excuse me as I am really tired, in fact today was an effort to do anything. So time for bed.

Lots of love Debbie x

Winter is here

I thought there was something missing yesterday... my normal shoulder and neck aches... yay Ann's massage really helped this time. Apparently Sadie says where with me breathing in is so laboured, my neck muscles have shrunk. Question... Why couldn't it be my stomach muscles instead????
Looked at my new 'Boyfriend' jeans hanging on the clothes horse and on a size 10 I'm sure they look dead cute. On my size 16, they look like my 'boyfriend' is probably a 80 year old grandad who still works in the fields!
God I hope I still fit in my dress that I brought for the wedding on Saturday, still at least I have a matching coat to keep me covered up. If the dress is tight then that baby is staying on over the dress however hot it is in the building!

It is definitely winter out there at the moment. Wind blowing a gale and rain lashing it down. I really wasn't over keen on getting up this morning and from under my duvet I thanked my lucky stars that I didn't have to go to work. I really wouldn't have relished filling up my oxygen unit this morning in the ice cold rain. That is something that I won't miss about going to work, fiddle arsing around with that thing every morning.
It's the second night running that I've worn my gloves indoors until my hands warm up enough so I can take my stats on the docobo. I look like a mass murderer sitting there drinking a glass of wine while wearing black leather gloves.
My stats are all over the show at the moment and walking in this wind is pretty damn hard work too.

I hope my friend Barbara is alright today as like the heel that I am, I forgot it is the anniversary of her late husband and I know she still misses him very very much. To you Barbara, I love you very much and if ever someone deserved lots of happiness it is you xxx

Lots of love Debbie x

Breakfast my lady...

Always a good start to the day when a friend comes bearing gifts and today was Julie bearing pecan danish pastries...Mmmm my favourites.
I think that's how all days should start with friends bringing you breakfast. The only good thing about being in hospital is that you get served breakfast, but the downside is it's always served at some hideous time in the early morning.
Not only did Julie serve breakfast, but she helped me change my sheets, which I have to admit when I do it myself leaves me needing a lie down straight afterwards, but I don't like to crumple the sheets! When I say Julie helped me that might be a slight exaggeration, as what I mean is I changed the pillow cases and then sat down accompanied by a lot of heavy breathing while she did all the work. But, I did do all my ironing after she left, so I did achieve something today.

Had my physio later on in the afternoon and admitted to Sadie that I wasn't feeling as perky as normal and she agreed by saying I looked knackered. I don't think that's a medical term, but it sums the situation up quite accurately! I actually look shite at the moment. Low stats, very breathless and feeling and looking very old!
Plus I couldn't be arsed to go out today, in fact I didn't want to go out today.... worrying.
When my mother said not to worry about coming over in the cold as my sister had been this morning, I didn't need telling twice, even though I feel happier if I've checked on her myself. I have this need to give her a kiss and a hug everyday, but I really didn't have the energy today to walk the short distance from my bungalow to hers.
So tomorrow yet another sample to go in for testing on Sadie's orders.
I had a lovely hot bath tonight and fell asleep in it, which actually made me feel a lot better. But why are my hands feeling so cold that I could easily wear gloves inside my house even when I've just got out the bath????
An early night me thinks, as I have a busy weekend with Ann's birthday meal and Ben and Becky's wedding. I want to be well for both of those dates. So nite nite folks, off to my nice clean bed for me!

Lots of love Debbie x

More food anyone?

The painter arrived an hour early today and my blood pressure went into shock mode as I fell out of bed to beg them to give me 5mins, so I could throw on my jeans etc. Turned out that my dash to get dressed and have a pee in record time was all for nothing as the painter took one look at the new plaster and signed it off as not dry enough to paint yet!
Also he only had magnolia on the van and my bathroom is a pretty duck egg green/blue colour. He must have thought I was mad as he was trying to get me to agree on what shade was the nearest to my bathroom colour next to his colour chart. I insisted on either talking to him through tight lips or with my hand across my mouth while backing away from him all the time. The 5mins get dressed and pee time, didn't include time to clean my teeth and my mouth always feels like a bear's bum when I wake up in the morning!
I was beginning to slump after they had gone back to their depot to report why they couldn't paint. So I had a hot bath in my half completed bathroom to ease my aching shoulders and neck and to stop my frantically beating heart from trying to get out of my chest via my ears!
At least I didn't have plaster dust exfoliating my bum like I have ever since the plaster came last Friday, but I did rub on some 'Deep Heat' when I got out of the bath and dried myself.
Dear God, the heat on my neck was so intense that I thought it was on fire... so act two of me dashing around the bungalow followed, only this time to the vocal accompaniment of me swearing my head off, while trying to wipe the 'Deep Heat' off!

Later my friend called in to see me as she was off to see her doctor and I glad to say that she looked a lot better than when I had seen her last time. She is still tearful, but today only one tear escaped, so she is getting there however slowly. It's awful to think that work can give you a purpose in life and a confidence that you can achieve all sorts, but if the tide changes it can also rob you of your self esteem and shake the foundations that you stand on so very quickly.
I am thankful that I am away from all this mayhem at the moment.
But we had a lovely lunch and brought our fears out into the open, as that is the only way that you can deal with them, giving each other hug.
After she left, I picked up Reni from work and as she hadn't eaten, I ended up having another lunch with her at Prezzos otherwise she probably wouldn't make herself anything. Won't be wanting food tonight I shouldn't think. I felt like I was appearing in the Christmas episode of 'the Vicar of Dibley!'
So tonight I will go and have a massage on my neck and shoulders and see if she can't get them to sit where they are supposed to be and not up around my ears!

Lots of love Debbie x

OAP v little old me

Well I remembered going to bed, but that's all I remember until this morning when I was woken up by the sound of a ambulance siren. I did wonder for a minute if I had died in my sleep and that they were coming for me!
I called mother to make sure they weren't coming for her and was rewarded by a very chirpy mother with a lot more energy than her clapped out daughter.
I then had a call from the Respiratory team who were a bit concerned about my stats and low blood pressure. I promised that I will chill out today and get checked over when I get to rehab this afternoon.
Looks like my blood pressure just goes very low through the night and my stats are just very low. So what's new! Was hoping that Ruth would say that I didn't have to do sit to stands etc as I've been feeling fatigued, but no such joy. I was even lapped by the 'Oldies' today while doing the 3min walk, how humiliating! But I did feel slightly better for the exercise, although my shoulders are now killing me from doing the side arm raises. You win some, you lose some!

Looks like I'm going to have to buy a fridge freezer quicker than I thought as I have dark water leaking from somewhere. Not sure where though, as the fridge inside is still ok and doing what it's suppose to do, but it is very old and I was going to replace it as soon as I got my retirement money. Lets hope it holds out that long, as I've heard nothing from HR at work as yet. There are quite a few things to replace or just to buy, but I am only too aware that I mustn't go on a spending spree. Hopefully that money will have to last me a long time if all goes well with the transplant, but it would be nice to put my signature on the bungalow.

I think it's time to go and have a long soak, as my shoulders and arms are seizing up well!

Lots of love Debbie x

After the giggles cometh the fridge freezer

I am so tired that I am even too tired to cry!

I have had a fab overnight stay away with the girls from work at an oldie worldly charm hotel in Ipswich and I do declare that at one stage in the evening we were the noisiest and if not the noisiest than the ones having the most fun.

It was rather like a military operation getting all my medical equipment into the car and then out again at the other end and into my hotel room, but we survived and mine and Sam's boudoir from the night was 'simply gorgeous darling!'
We tried out the hotel's facilities as soon as we arrived and we swam, steamed and dry cleaned ourselves in the hotel spa, followed by afternoon tea before going on to the main reason for our visit... the Murder Mystery night.
We dressed up in our posh frocks and high heels, ok I don't feel safe wearing high heels so for me it was leopard skin pumps and tried to solve the crime as we ate our ways through our dinners and Sally photographed us at every step.
It was all jolly good fun and we screeched with laughter when Sue got up on the stage and sung a song about 'the baby who got washed down the drain pipe' to a bemused smattering of leftover dinners, as she performed her truth or dare as we had resorted to playing after the 'murderer' was on his way home.
Once we were ousted from the dining room so they could set it up for the next day, we went off to the bar and played more games and drank more liquid nectar until we were ousted out again.
Come 2am, Sam and myself finally turned off our bedroom lights after catching up all everything happening to us both in our grown up sleep over.

Needless to say, we didn't go swimming the next morning as planned!

I returned home in desperate need of a nap, but was hurtled into sorting out the delivery of mother's new fridge freezer which alas turned out was just too tall for the gap. I had to sort out her cupboards as the delivery men had to put the fridge in front of one of them until Julie's lovely husband comes and does his magic and we can get the malefactor object called a fridge into the glaring empty gap. Plus while doing sorting all this, mother was annoyed that I had thrown out her new creme caramels that had been out of the fridge for four hours and were far too warm for comfort and there was a lot of head hanging. To make matters more stressful I was then told that she had fell over in the kitchen while I was away at the hotel and was made to feel a real heel, all because I was arguing about my insistence on throwing away out of date food etc from cupboards. Food that dated back to 2006!

My mother can reduce me to tears very easily, but I was too tired to do so and an outing to the shops to get her some more cream caramels and then cooking her a meal of liver and bacon, left me feeling like a wet dishcloth that had been wrung out and left to dry. Luckily Oliver and Reni came to my rescue and helped me sort out her kitchen and Oliver pacified my mother with his charm.
And good luck for me was a thoughtful Julie who showed up with a bowl full of sausage casserole for my evening meal and coercing me into a lovely hot bubble bath before I was reduced into a weeping wreck. Thank God for friends and family that know when to help and when to take charge.
Now I can go to my bed and hopefully sleep my blood pressure and stats both back up to normal and be ready to fight another day.
To Julie and all my friends and to Oliver and Reni... I love you very much.

Lots of love Debbie x