I'll have another please

Ok the fact that I am sitting her with a paper crown on my head does not bode well. I always know that I am starting to get drunk when the tip of my nose goes numb. At the moment I feel paralysed from the cheek bones down... not a good sign. So if this makes no sense what so ever I apologise profusely now!
I blame my neighbours who force fed me copious amounts of wine as well as chili, which of course was quite hot so I drunk more even wine and now after telling many baldy stories, I now feel quite tipsy and typing away as if my life depends on it. Actually when I move my eyeballs ceiling wise, I have to grab the chair as I think I'm tipping backwards, so I guess that's not a good sign. Still my physio said I should drink more liquid and it's not my fault that she wasn't specific as to what form the liquid should take... I always do what my physio says!
I know it is New Year's Eve tomorrow, but I should abstain from drinking then as this is day two already of me being drunk and disorderly.
Day one was yesterday and Julie's 54th birthday, sorry 53rd. As her birthday present hadn't arrived, I treated her to see the film 'Burlesque' with Cher and Christina Aguilera both starring. A fab film.
I love Cher, if anyone could get me to bat for the other side it would be her. Then afterwards back to mine to meet the rest of the girls and have homemade soup, birthday cake and a rather gorgeous Hungarian sparkling red wine. Obliviously I drank far too much of that as I found myself telling my friend off for calling my brown coat a 'bag ladies' coat and for saying that I looked old with grey hair and calling my ex darling when he called me as I was serving up the food. I will regret telling my friend off I know, but luckily my ex had realised that I was pissed as he could hear Lynn laughing in the other room.
But today was quite stressful as I am now down to one bar of oxygen supply on my oxygen mother ship and one DD canister. The oxygen delivery chap reckoned that I should get four days out of every bar which at that rate should only get me to Sunday, but as this ratio hasn't worked out so far, I'm not holding my breathe... Hah I can't anyway! When I spoke to him last week, he worked it out that I would have plenty... duh no... I will have wors with you next week young man I can tell you!
When I mentioned this to my physio, she said I could try calling them, but she didn't hold out much hope of them coming out, as I have the concentrator and a rather large back up canister in my bedroom. She admitted that they aren't used to feisty ladies like myself who still want a social life and anyway I shouldn't really be going out in this fog anyway.
This is one of the reasons why I drunk tonight. I will regret it in the morning I know, but until the hangover kicks in... In the immortal words of Bart Simpson... 'eat my shorts!'

Lots of love Debbie x

Busy, busy

Yay I'm still blonde! Felt quite good this morning when I woke up, normally I look shite when I wake up, but today even with my hair messy I still felt good. I do have this feeling that this is going to cost me in other ways, i.e clothes; as I now need a new me in the wardrobe department!
But I do feel energised, even changed my bed in 33 mins with only a couple of breaks, so that is some sort of record for me. I normally always have clean sheets for Christmas eve, but I was too tired to change them that day. I didn't think Santa would mind awfully if I was a bit slack this year.
Had lunch with Sam today which was lovely to catch up. I think the people sitting next to us, thought we'd never shut up talking, which we didn't! I believe we picked a bad day to eat there as there was a wedding reception and two large parties going on. We actually had to wait nearly an hour for our starter, but as we were talking non stop, it didn't really matter, just glad I wasn't with mother as she would have wrestled the waitress to the ground with her tongue and made her serve us straight away!
It was thick fog outside today and that made breathing a tad on the laboured side, but I coped, just happy I'm in and relaxing again now. I can quite easily become a hermit in this weather, what more can a girl ask for, tv, glass of brandy and a packet of medjool dates!

Lots of love Debbie x

Happy birthday dad

Oh yeah I'm blonde again!
My niece has returned my mojo and I feel like me again. I've never asked her before to do my hair when she has been home for the holidays, as I didn't think it was fair to make her work while on a break from her hairdressers. But this time it was a state of emergency as I really needed a giant boost.
I know that my main fear was I would die with dark roots, but I have now been grey for too long and it hasn't done my self esteem a lot of good just lately. It was fine when I was still perky being grey, but lately my whole pallor has been a washed out one and I saw an old looking woman everytime when I looked in the mirror and I wanted me back.
And bless her, Nikki delivered with a fab hair cut and colour. Strangely enough the person's hair that I like the most is Dame Judith Dench who is seventy odd, but she is a style icon for ladies with very fine hair, so I still felt fab.
I even went to the cinema with no make-up on, but I still went feeling fabulous darling.
I called in at mother's between having my hair done and going to the cinema to get her dinner ready. As she had been with me solid for the last two days, I thought one day for me wasn't a lot to ask. Of course her opening words were how she was depressed and I thought here we go again.
I did feel bad though when I realised that mother was down because it was dad's birthday, but where she says that she's depressed most days, I had brushed it aside with a 'come along, let's get you a cup of tea and let's stop this being down'. It wasn't till I got home after the cinema that I had realised and then I had to put right with a soothing phone call that she wasn't on her own that I was with her. That seemed to soothe her that someone else had remembered his day too all be it late. But after all; how could I ever forget my dad... he was my hero. Just being in the same room as him made me feel safe.
Happy birthday dad from your loving daughter.

Lots of love Debbie x

All is calm

Ouch my throat is sore today, so having a long lie in and taking things slowly, as have my nephews this lunchtime. Not sure if it was where my lungs and consequently my throat went through the mill after my tests on Christmas Eve or I've caught one of the many bugs that have been going around, but either way it's very dry and getting painful.
Lunch at Matt's was fun spent with my sister, brother-in-law, niece, her gorgeous boyfriend and a couple of carers. Of course my sister and myself (my niece had to keep answering her phone as she was on call) had just got four wedges in 'Trivial Pursuit,' one more than the blokes team, when I noticed mother was tapping her watch! I ignored her for a while, but alas the tapping was then accompanied by a cough, so then I admitted defeat and took her home via all the Christmas lights. It's times like that, that I do get fed up and wish that she would just remember it's not all her, but she's old and I love her so what are you to do, plus she did behave yesterday.
So now I'm in my pjs and my sweat shirt, with a glass of brandy for medicinal reasons only of course and I have just watched the iconic scene of Hugh Grant dancing to 'Jump' when playing the Prime Minister in 'Love Actually.' So all is well in my world and I'm off to bed.

Lots of love Debbie x

Christmas day 2010

Midnight Mass was lovely and I always feel whole somehow when leaving the church in the freezing cold to drive home. When I recieved my blessing this time, I really wanted to cry. Whether it was because her voice was soft and caring or that my emotions are all over the shop at the moment or whether it was because I felt suddenly a sense peace and that everything was going to be alright I really don't know, but I did feel very moved.

I must admit to feeling quite rough this morning though. Not helped by trying to walk across the court on what is now an ice rink with mother's presents and a shopping bag full of goodies, while wearing fashion boots rather than my usual DM type. I reached mother's in a state of laborious breathing and felt like my eyes were popping out of my head and I could hardly stand up straight only to find that I had a blockage in my tubes!
Once fixed and breathing back to as normal as I can for me, we set off to Julie's. Now my mum is a bit of a loose cannon at times as thinks that she is whispering, but in fact is just talking out the side of her mouth in her normal volume and I learnt all my top bitchy remarks from her, but no she was a dream. She sat in awe of Julie's Christmas trees, three in total and was like the Queen mum with all Julie's boys making sure she was catered for and teasing her.
I did have to take the bauble name holder back out her bag, as she really wanted to take that home and sneaked in her serviette twice! She also panicked and tutted when Tif broke the chair he was sitting on, but she had a marvelous day. Thank you so much the Hopkins household for making her's and my Christmas so special. 'It was just like the ones we used have when dad was alive' she said with a dreamy smile on her face.
Later we had my eldest son round and she loves her grandsons. Phone calls from Oliver in Hungary and she got to see the Christmas fairy lights around the village.
All in all one very happy mumma which makes me very happy too.

Lots of love Debbie x

Don't panic!!!!

It's Christmas Eve and life everything is gift wrapped and the bungalow is all peaceful and orderly. Yeah right, believe that and you'll believe anything!
I thought I had the day planned out to military precision, but within 30mins of being dressed, everything went wrong.
The idea wasthat I would deliver the last few Christmas cards and yes I know I have left it to the last minute, but I have been known in years past to go out delivering on Boxing Day morning, sneaking up their paths trying not to be seen.
Plus plan 2 was to do the last bit of shopping and see my friend before going off for my final set of tests with this round. As I was gathering my cards and lists, the phone didn't stop ringing and to say I was getting a little fraught was an understatement, especially as the hospital called while I was out delivering to ask if I could bring the 3pm appointment forward to as soon as I could get there... noon if possible and it was already 10.45.
Unfortunately it didn't get any less fraught as after I had agreed to 12 and had rushed home to get changed, I realised I had left the bungalow keys locked in the back door.
Ah ha no matters as I have a spare set at my mother's opposite, bad news is she couldn't remember where she had moved them to when she tidied up ready to put her Christmas cards up. Perhaps giving your spare set of keys to a lady of nearly 93 with the onset of dementia wasn't my brightest move, especially as my other set was currently on it's way to Hungary for two weeks!
Thankfully my guardian angels were watching over me, as my nieces turned up to visit their nan and Jojo happily agreed to climb in through the bathroom window for me. Now I know you shouldn't leave your windows open, but just as well I had. In my defence I was only popping down the road and plus I had just been to the toilet and really needed to let some fresh air in if you get my drift!
Jojo was rather pleased as she didn't realise that she was still as bendy as that and was quite happy to show her husband the new found agility later that night as a Christmas treat!
Once I hugged my nieces and told them that my soul would be forever theirs, I rushed off to the hospital still in my slouchy clothes.
The tests that followed at the hospital were quite horrible and didn't matter that I wasn't smartly dressd. They involved breathing in and out into a tube with your mouth clamped over a special mouthpiece and with your nose clipped so you can't breathe through in and out that way either. To say you feel as if you were suffocating wasn't far from the truth. Panic sets in, your stats drop and I must admit one or two tears did emerge, leaving me feeling all very shaky and fighting back the urge to vomit. I don't think I did very well at all, but I guess that was the whole idea?
Still all in a good cause.
Off to Midnight Mass now. So Merry Christmas all.

Lots of love Debbie x

Bring a book and patience

Damn it, there was me thinking I was the next Nigella with my entertaining and along comes a vegetarian friend and all I have to give her is egg on toast! Normally I would have made her a nice pea and asparagus risotto or homemade soup, but no not this time, egg on bloody toast. A fridge full to bursting of food ready to turn into meals for my meat eater friends, but I had completely forgotten that this one was a veggie so even the fish was a no go area.
Still we survived and we had a lovely catch up, before I had to go out shopping for mother yet again.
Today was spent at the hospital with my klutzy friend Ann who had fell over in the snow on Saturday and has fractured a bone in her arm. This time it was to get a lighter cast put on, hers is now a bright pink cast that she is sporting!
I'm not sure why everyone moans so much in hospitals. Ok we were there for about two and half hours, but she got it done and we met some nice people on the way. All around us were people moaning about the wait, my friend included. I know I have a season ticket for Broomfield and a lot of the nurses treat me like a long lost friend when they see me, but all my visits since being ill have taught me patience. You take a book and read. People say they long for times where they don't have to do anything and when their wish is granted they moan! 'Oh you are so luckily not working,' they say to me, no I spend a lot of my time at hospitals waiting as you are doing now and you are moaning like hell about. Are you paying for your treatment? No. Ok maybe a little over the years, but in the grand scheme of things we are very lucky when you look at other countries.
I'll be back there tomorrow this time for me at the Cardiac Unit and yes I will take my book to read again while I sit and wait, because at the end of all this waiting, I hope I will have another shot at life and if I don't at least they tried. There's not many people get two chances at life. So spare a thought for the stressed out hospital staff, ok you might have been able to get all your shopping while sitting there, but so could have they if they weren't treating you for falling arse over tit in the snow!

Lots of love Debbie x

Like mother like daughter

Yesterday's early no show of workmen, lulled me into a false impression that today's workmen would have trouble getting in and out of the work's yard to get to me. Er no, 8.30am I received a phone call to say they were standing outside... sod.
Jumping out of bed is not a good move when you have dodgy lungs and a heart that breaks into a quickstep when under stress, but after asking for 5mins I was actually decent to go to the front door. No sign of them. Obviously they had gone back to their van although I couldn't see a van.
I went back to bedroom and threw on more clothes and cleaned teeth. Still no sign of them.
I called their mobile and they were standing on the Broadway not Broadway Court! Still gave me an extra five minutes to spend another penny.
Two hours later and bathroom is now finished... hoorah I can now have a shower!

Went off and did some more shopping, this time a booze run for me and yet more shopping for mother after her phone call yesterday evening about three hours after I had just got back from buying her groceries. The call went on the lines of 'oh I really fancy some dates' and then another long list of things that she really needed.
I can't moan as it is awful if you are reliant on other people's kindness and you really fancy something definite to eat. I have been reduced to tears when I've asked for English apples and they've brought Granny Smiths. If you fancy something particular, a substitute just ain't going to crack it, even though you smile widely going yum and then you cry when the person has gone as you feel guilty for feeling ungrateful, or a bit of a princess or whatever. Having to rely on people is one of the hardest things I've found about this debilitating illness, so I know where mother is coming from.
Still mother is now happy as she had plenty of visitors today, my brother and his wife, and then later Oliver and Reni all bearing Christmas presents.

Lots of love Debbie x

ASBO number 3

Christmas cheer temporary left me this lunchtime, but luckily I am back in festive mode.
What brought this glitch on I hear you ask?... well I will tell you or should I say warn you as the next person who congratulates me on not having to work anymore or not having to scrape the car clean for work will end up with a ice scraper shoved up their nose!
Not only do I have to clean the snow off my car in stages, as I really can't breathe very well at all in the biting cold. I also have to keep sitting down to get my breathing pattern back to normal while struggling to turn the igloo shape in my car parking space back into my car. In fact I was very near to making snow angels when I was 'on a break'.
The crowning glory was when I scooped off a dustpan full of snow and threw it over my shoulder like all the rest, only for the wind to pick up at that precise moment and blow straight back in my face and straight down my neck.
Result?... ASBO number three on it's way for ffing and blinding in the court and of course, shocking the neighbours! I can hear my mother now, 'Deborah... language, what will the neighbours say?!'... Me... 'F*** the neighbours mother!'
Thankfully I calmed down, but I would have pleaded to the jury, that the lapse in language was due it inhaling Mastic Glue where the bathroom flooring had just been laid that very morning.
So another night of coughing my lungs up ahead, so I have had a double brandy to try and comatose myself ready for bed.
The old chap who laid my floor did rather put my nerves on edge, as firstly he left a big tub of this poxy glue and all of his tools in the the way of the door and of course the postman decided to choose that moment to deliver part of mother's Christmas pressie and viola one pair of black trousers ruined. And secondly he had a habit of chatting to me when holding his blow torch... turned on!
Er hello, oxygen and I quite like my face despite my moaning that I want to look like Cher.

Did have a lovely evening though as all festive cheer restored as Tim and myself went to Oliver and Reni's flat where they cooked us a scrummy Christmas meal. They are flying off to Hungary on Friday, well fingers crossed as you can't put the news on TV without seeing hoards of disgruntled people stranded at airports across England. And bonus, lovely food and then we got to open our presents early, so I am now the proud owner of a fabby food processor. If I don't manage to cook any of Jamie Oliver's 30 minute meals which a processor is a vital part and I had dropped loads of hints about, then at least we will have fab mohitos and margarettas all year long! Oh yeah baby!

Lots of love Debbie x

Lazy Sunday afternoon

Really had a lazy Sunday today and thoroughly enjoyed it. I watched the 'Drop Zone' final and the later 'The Apprentice' final and even an old Harry Potter film in between, but I enjoyed every moment of being idle. I can't say I was inactive as I cooked a roast or mother and myself, plus filled in 36 cards for various competitions and if some of them come to fruition, it could be a very good new year!
Normally I feel a bit like a caged animal if I stay in with this urgent desire to fill everyday up with something exciting or I feel as if I'm letting myself down.
I do feel a tad guilty that I didn't get down to the candlelit Christmas Carol service, but on the other hand I did see Silver End's answer to the Christmas Coca Cola advert and that was Julie's father-in-law dressed up as Santa on a brightly lit up float run by the Scouts! Bless him, he's being doing that job for years and is in his late 70's.
I thought it looked brilliant, even though I did feel a bit like the little lame boy who couldn't keep up with the others in the story of the Pied Piper where I kept seeing the tail end of them disappearing down another road!
But I waited it out and eventually they came past my close, then I felt guilty that I didn't get mum, but it was far too cold and slippy for her out there.
Tomorrow it will be another run of finishing off the bathroom, this time the flooring is going down and hopefully the sparky will come to flick the switch so I can christen it. And of course we have another hospital appointment to look forward to, so today was a well deserved quiet moment.

Lots of love Debbie x

Strictly bag lady

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow as the song says and by jingo it has! Fear not, I don't care about being snowed in as it's the long awaited 'Strictly Come Dancing' final tonight and the 'The Apprentice' final tomorrow and I have a fridge freezer full of food, my bungalow is toasty and I have a bottle of brandy to see me through!
I have no idea who will win tonight, but for two hours I will be transported into the glitter ball land of dance and if I have this transplant and if it's a success and all goes well, I realise there is a lot of ands there. I am going to learn how to dance. So Julie for all the things you have forced me into doing in the past... you owe me as a dance partner!
Pamela Stephenson said that she is grateful for Strictly, as it came at a time in her life when she felt invisible and I bet there are thousands of women nodding their heads with a resounding yes, who know that feeling only too well. Not only do I feel invisible when I'm normal, but when I'm in my wheelchair with my oxygen on, I feel pity glances coming my way, that is if they look at me other than tutting that I am in their way... yuk!
I went shopping today for a new coat in the pre-Christmas sales, especially after one of my friends who will remain nameless, said 'oh that's good to hear that you'll getting rid of the bag lady coat'. Hmm, the last coat was my bag lady coat, this one I thought I looked normal in! After my icy glare, she realised that she had made a bit of a faux par with the fashion police remarks and that her extra Christmas present had just been put back on the shelf!
Now I am wishing that I was invisible as I'm an old looking, overweight bag lady and that's not a good look.
Still I found a bargain coat, which the lining alone oozes class and a rather weird looking skirt both in the Per Una sales, which is defiantly saying 'she's back!' One thing I never was, was a safe dresser, so my old coat will be worn in freezing conditions, which looks like it will have plently of wearings and my new model will be worn when I want to look foxy!
And Karma prevailed, as my friend who is still loved, fell over on the ice!

Lots of love Debbie x

I want to be Cher

Went to bed early last night hence the no show here yesterday. I think I have swallowed a tad too much brick dust etc this week for all the building work as I felt rough last night.
The day it's self was ok as I got a fair bit done. My concentrator was serviced which is always a bonus and the lovely Lee came to do it. He is such a sweetie and always gives you a boost as nothing is too much trouble, no doubt he'll go home and say 'ah I cheered up lots of old girls today' and one of those old girls being me!
Had Jan and Joan around for lunch so that was very pleasant. I made some homemade soup and we had a meze while catching up with the gossip.
It snowed really hard which was worrying and then I felt quite rough with a raspy old cough and running a temperature. My answer was to have a brandy and then a hot bath which probably wasn't the right sequence, but I fell asleep quickly only to wake up god knows how many times throughout the night.
Luckily I felt a hell of a lot better today as I took Reni off for an interview over Maldon. Dear God it was freezing over there, even when we were waiting in the reception area, I swear my tubes were freezing up!
I watched Cher on TV tonight and have decided that I am going blonde. I know I feel rough, but I don't like looking it. She sat there on the interview couch with long neon red hair and a matrix style leather coat on, with a skimpy black underwear outfit on underneath and she looks my age and I look older than her age... duh something has got to be done, as I not ready to hang up my weird styles yet... make over time I think.
Will go to bed today and think it over.

Lots of love Debbie x

Knees up

I nearly have a fully functioning bathroom again. Just waiting now for the electrician and for the flooring to be laid and honestly I am so grateful to have this lovely shower, but I am so tired as waking up early to get up, dressed and nearly drugged up ready for 8 to 8.30 am.
I had to drag myself out of bed this morning, bleating like a baby, moaning that I'll never ask for anything else ever again!
At least my bowels behaved themselves today, although as they left through the front door, my trousers were coming off at a rate of knots so I could have a much needed pee. As I sat on the loo peeing for England, I noticed that my knees were higher than normal and I then realised when he asked if I'd like a new toilet put in, that the new low rise model that he mentioned wasn't the... excuse my technical jargon... the flusher bit at the back, but the height of the loo it's self. That should prove interesting getting mother off that when she comes to visit!
Still I read somewhere that your knees should be higher as to get better bowel functioning. On my performance yesterday, I have no problem there!
Went off afterwards to visit the girls at work and to have much needed cuddles from my friends. It wasn't a surprise to see that we had a Christmas window display in the Centre as although that was always my job to create, we have now got Andrina to take over the chalice and it did look lovely, so well done honey.
Did a drug run at the hospital afterwards and then had a lovely Christmas meal complete with crackers around my friend's Jacky's tonight.
And now I am ready for bed. What is the betting that the oxygen guy comes at 8am to service my concentrator?????

Lots of love Debbie x

Oops excuse me, it was the dog

Up again at the crack of dawn, ok 7.45am, but for me it might as well still be night.
Early mornings have never sat comfortably with me. Some people bounce out of bed and are wide awake from the word go, me... nah. Even when I was a teenager, I loathed getting up for work and I know I was incredibly spoilt, but my mum or dad would wake me up half an hour before necessary so I could have another half an hour lie in and then I would be greeted with a cup of coffee in bed till I had woken up enough to speak to safely.
My favourite day in the year was not Christmas or my birthday, massively overrated, but it was the day the clocks went back an hour... bliss!
Having kids; I adored, but the early morning part of child rearing was a killer, especially as we had two boys that didn't know the meaning of sleep. Thank God for the 'Breakfast TV' programme that started when Oliver was about a year old. Ok it was mostly news in the early days, but at least it kept me awake enough to function and it kept me sane knowning someone else was awake.
Today my task was to get up early for the bathroom tiler and I succeeded, although by 9.15am I had fell back to sleep on the sofa for about 15mins complete with dribble from my mouth.
Poor man was quite nervous when I greeted him at the door with my oxygen tubes and a syringe in my hand! He soon settled when he realised that my head wasn't going to spin round and round and he did a really good job, finishing by lunchtime. But why is it when you have someone working in your small bathroom, your bowels go 'Oo... I need to open!'
So embarrassing, as he knows damn well what you've just done and you know that he knows. Perhaps that is why he got a move on to get it finished before I needed the loo again?!
Tomorrow it is the turn of the electrician, who has probably been warned that I make a nice cup of coffee, but makes dodgy smells! Oo the shame.

Lots of love Debbie x

Run debbie run

I have spent most of my day in the dark today and loved every minute of it. Yep two lots of cinema, bring it on baby!
Rosemary's husband Bill wanted to see Harry Potter so we went off at lunchtime to see it and then tonight Ann, Greta and I went to see the Tourist. If I don't watch out I will be turning into Gollum, which I feel I'm nearly there already, being a pasty looking blob and a bit stooped... and I wonder why I am single!
The bits in between were a bit manic as I got out the cinema at 3.55 and had rehab at 4pm, only to be told when I got there that my stint for the transplant was finished and I could come and go as I wanted now. Great, wish I'd known that earlier, still never mind I still stayed and did the exercises and promised I'd keep going till they got busy again.
Rushed back from rehab, brought food for mother and cooked her dinner, quickly microwaved a curry for me, which I can't tell you what it tasted like as I ate it in five minutes and back again to the cinema with the girls.
I did get a bit sleepy in the lunchtime viewing as I was up early for yet another bathroom assessment. Good news is they will do it, bad news is it starts tomorrow. I did say I didn't mind if they wanted to wait until after Christmas as I have loads to do, but noooooooo don't be silly, lets make your life more awkward than normal and no more lie in for the foreseeable future.
I was really hankering after buying my Christmas present after putting my money with my mother's Christmas money tomorrow from Freeport Marks, but now that looks like it will be shelved... bum, I really need a boost in the shape of something nice to wear as a lot of last years dresses are a wee bit on the snug side.

Lots of love Debbie x

All well that ends well

Phew a huge sigh of relief as mother looks and sounds a lot better today. Really was worried about her yesterday as her spirits were so down, but apart from a slight wobble when she was getting dressed, she handled today well.
My aunties were pleased to see her and everyone seemed to have a good time. My cousin's daughters were a pleasure and I thoroughly enjoyed myself looking after them. They think I am weird, but hey that wouldn't be the first time someone has called me that!
So only a short one today, as I'm quite tired myself to be honest and quite overcome that Matt has got into the Strictly Final!

Lots of love x

What a difference a year makes

How is it I'm not working anymore, but I still seem to be rushing around like a thing possessed?
I keep forgetting that Friday rehab starts at 2pm and I never seem to have enough time before hand to do all I want to.
Mind you when I was working, it was always 2pm before I decided that it was lunchtime, so I guess the mornings have always had a habit of disappearing on me.
Fair dues though, I was late for rehab as I had to do yet another sample and I can never produce sputum in the morning and especially just lately, as I haven't been as lively on that front! Obviously why I'm doing yet another sample.
God the technicians must be fed up in the Broomfield labs of looking at the contents of my lungs. I wonder at what point in their lives do they decide that looking at sputum is the job for them?
Does it give them job satisfaction? Do they go home and say to their partners 'Oh I had a beautiful specimen of sputum today, you should have seen the sheen and texture of it?
Went straight to rehab and had to do the shuttle test as soon as I walked in. Actually I have improved so that shows rehab is worth while even though most of the blokes there moan for England.
Rounded Friday night up with going to Strada for a meal with Sam, Debbie M, Jean and Sheila from work for Debbie M's birthday. Very nice evening, good company and good food. But very tired when I got back home. Talking is exhausting I have decided and I did do a lot of that!

Saturday morning I decided I had to put the Christmas tree up, especially with my aunties coming up tomorrow from Hastings. 30mins later I was knackered. It is quite sad really when you think that this time last year I managed to put the tree up without turning blue!
If anyone looked through the window, they would think I was sitting contemplating where the next bauble should go or whether each string of balls was equally looped, where in fact the truth was I had run out of steam somewhat and had to get back my puff before the next five baubles went up.
The annoying thing is my nose is so sore at the moment. When I'm wearing the oxyge it keeps running for some unknown reason and also the lining is quite thin now so it keeps bleeding too. If I stopped once to wipe my nose, I must have stopped about fifty times.
Mother has been quite confused today and very upset. I think it a mixture of my brother not seeing her for months, the aunties coming for the day and knowing that they are going to see an old woman this time and of course her friend dying last month.
I tried to cheer her up by Oliver and myself, well me directing and Oliver up and down the ladder, putting up her Christmas decorations, but I stood outside her window on my way home watching her putting her head in her hands. It broke my heart to see her like that.
I went on to Julie's as it was Derek's and Xanthe's birthday tea, where it was lovely and noisy and a chance to drown myself in people, but mother was there in my head the whole time.

Lots of love Debbie x

I am the Christmas wrapping elf

Hoorah I am the owner of a posh new fridge freezer, although I have nothing to put in the freezer part yet as I don't normally do frozen food, but I will do tomorrow as I am going shopping for all things yummy.
The delivery men arrived at 8am, so the moment they left with their warnings of 'letting it stand for fours before plugging it in etc', I whipped off my clothes and donned my nightie again and jumped back into bed... this was in case I had the urge to plug it in of course, so best off sleeping and out of harms way I thought!
When I did resurface it was a wash and brush up and off for lunch with my friends Rosemary and Bill.

Bill has been a wheelchair user for a while now and dispersed my fears that I really was just being a wimp yesterday as he gave me the benefit of his hard earned lessons on keeping warm and travelling in a chair. I have to get 1) a sheepskin cover for my plastic chair seat which stops the sweaty crotch problems and badly creasing your clothes. 2) Motorcyclist thermal leggings are brilliant for freezing days under your normal trousers as quite thin, but wonderfully warm. 3) Fishermen socks to keep our toes from dropping off and 4) Cyclists waterproofs for when sitting in wheelchair in the rain... Not looking forward to that experience I can tell you, but I guess I can't really hide indoors on naff weather days can I or can I????
Lunch was lovely and they gave me a lovely pressie from France which put me in an excellent mood for the next part of my day... sorting out mother's Christmas wrapping.

I want it noted that I HATE wrapping Christmas presents with a vengeance, after all isn't that what gift bags were invented for? And writing Christmas cards... Ugh double hate. Poor mother was struggling to remember who she was writing cards to half way through each one and which grandchild belonged to which child, let alone the great grandchildren. Her hand got cramp about four cards in, but bless her she did it and I made her a much earned cuppa. The look of achievement on her face made me glad that I was in a calm mood thanks to Rosemary and Bill and that I could be there for her. Hopefully we won't have the same occurrence that we had last year, where she wrote the same cards over and over again so some people got at least three and others none.
She worries so much that she is forgetting things, but today she was positively glowing with pride that she finished the families cards. Just the friends to do now, but unfortunately that list is now dwindling as her friends are passing on, as she said she won't need so many lines of string this year. Surviving growing old can be very painful at this time of year.

Lots of love Debbie x

Oooo pretty wonderland

I think that every wheelchair should come with a manual. Yes I know you do actually get one about how to put it together, folding it down for backs of cars and so forth, running repairs etc, but I mean a manual that advises you what to do when facing night panics about going on a day trip out and just how many layers you should wear in what feels like minus 30. One duvet or two?
In summer you should be advised that you will get a sweaty crotch from seating on the padded seat... Mmmm inviting . And in winter you will get hypothermia from the toes upwards!

Yesterday I had a few worries about my palpitations that I had on Saturday. Hannah bless her, came out to me rather than me going to the hospital for my physio and came armed with her stats machine just in case my docobo was giving false readings on my heart rate etc or maybe I was reading it wrong... Oh such little faith.
Nah... stats came in at 79% and even Hannah nearly fainted at that reading! So what to do now as if palpitations don't calm down then no physio as that is dangerous for my old ticker and then no physio leads to chest infections that leads to everything being under pressure.
Luckily the fear of going to London for the day, didn't have an effect on my stats, the rest of me was shaking, but heart ok. I had a call from my specialist's secretary who was not happy either that the hospital missed out some vital tests, so thankfully I had asked the right questions to Hannah and Ruth and now the specialist is on the case too, they should be coming through pronto!

We had an early start for me and after lots of praying to my guardian angels last night, they certainly were looking after me as everything seemed to run smoothly. Julie, Natalie, Reni and myself... may I mention how cool it is to have a daughter or daughter in law to go out and about with, long may it reign... anyway we actually bagged the last disabled car parking space at Braintree railway station, as we honestly thought we'd have to get our tickets there and drive like the wind to Freeport to park. But no, a space waiting just for us and a buy two rail tickets get two free offer too!
Got to London and it turns out that our very nice taxi driver worked with Julie 35 years ago and let us off cheap for ride to Covent Garden.
There had to buy first extra item of clothing... more socks, but bliss to be able to feel feet again. Had lunch in nice a very restaurant, which was also a bargain deal and warm.
After having a surprise of seeing the Coca Cola lorry from the TV, the advert that to all of us heralds Christmas is coming was in Covent Garden, complete with a fab singing band and giving away free cans of Coca Cola to boot... result. Though the sad little confectionery vendor looked naffed off by his takings going down.
Next another nice cabbie, who also let us off some of the fare without even knowing any of us and he took us to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park where it was F A B!
Brought another item of clothing, some rather groovy earmuffs, but Oooo so warm.
We did the mulled wine, the Christmas stalls, looked on with awe at the Christmas themed fun fair, listened to the talking tree. And no it really was talking and wasn't my drugs again and we ate candy floss after going on the Big Wheel.
Really wow up there, even if Natalie kept scaring Reni by moving the the capsule that we were in by jumping from seat to seat with a 'Oh look at that' as she viewed London through the eye of a camera. They made me roar as they were like children again, the bouncy one and the timid one, but even the timid one had let go and was spinning round looking at everything by the fourth trip round!
The journey home we thought we had lucked out, as it took ages to get to Liverpool Street, although we got to see lots of pretty lights and trees, but sadly we arrived five minutes into peak time. But thank you guardian angels, but not one person checked our tickets as we went through the disabled persons gate and we were home and dry on the train bound home.
So thank you angels of the heavenly kind and my human, but equally heavenly friends who I adore and knew how scared I was of going today, but never berated me for it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Lots of love Debbie x

Wrap your sandwiches in a map please

Took Julie to Broomfield airport, sorry hospital this afternoon and it's still no less daunting even on the second visit. We went early enough which is just as well as the directions we were given for Julie's clinic were far from straight forward and some of the 'Stop us and ask us' hospital helpers, seemed as confused as we were. There was three ladies at the check in desk and we were all going to the same place (I was ear wigging!), but we all arrived from different directions, but all wearing that look of bewilderment on our faces. Sounds like the beginning of of a limerick. Actually one of the ladies didn't even turn up at the end destination, so she is probably still lost in transit going round and round and round!
It is really like a rabbit warren there. I was mentally taking notes for when I have to go next time to see my specialist, all very confusing.

From there it was a mad dash home so I could go to Rehab. Half of me was hoping that it would have been cancelled because of the freezing fog, but no such luck. I do feel a lot better after going to rehab, but I always have to drag myself there each time with what feels like concrete shoes on. Still you stop feeling useless there and you can have a laugh with the others who are in much the same boat.
I asked Ruth about my palpitations, but as I haven't had the meeting with my specialist about results from my tests as yet, it looks if it happens again I'll have to speak to my doctor. But as Ruth says no doubt they'll say wait till I speak to my specialist. And it goes round and round!

Lots of love Debbie x

Christmas visits, past, present and future

You will be visited by three electrical ghosts. The ghost of Christmas Past 2009 comes in the guise of a TV and the ghost of Christmas Present 2010 in the shape of a fridge freezer and God only knows what will decide to go wrong at this time of year in 2011. Luckily Julie's husband Derek is no Scrooge and has come to my aid once again... God Bless you Tiny Derek!

Saturday was a busy, but a really nice day with friends popping round and telephoning. And luckily they are friends that will get up and make me a cuppa and not expect me to wait on them, as my heart was racing and doing back flips most of the day.
I guess I shall be expecting a call from the Respiratory team when they come in on Monday, as my stats are all over the place again.
Maybe it was the thought of freedom from my bungalow, as the snow has melted and I could make a break for it to the shops. I do enjoy driving and really didn't want to go straight home from my food shopping trip, so I just drove around for a while. Odd how everywhere looks untidy once the snow has gone.
I also brought some cat food for the hedgehog just in case he is still alive and has forgiven me.
Went out with Greta for her Christmas meal with her work collegues at night. I was quite nervous about gate crashing their party, but they were really kind and welcoming, so thank you for that. The restaurant was very nice and so was the food, but it was their easy company that made it a lovely evening.

Today my mood took a bit of a nose dive and I very nearly misplaced my bad mood on the wrong person, my mother. As I was trying to wrap her dinner up in foil and t-towels to keep it hot while balancing my large oxygen unit on my back and shuffling between our two bungalows, I was a bit miffed to say the least that I can never just have a Sunday lunch in peace and quiet.
Yes I was out of puff when I got to hers, but she looked so concerned about me with her sad watery eyes, that I remembered that I wasn't miffed with her, but with the rest of my family. My other siblings who are probably doing their own thing as usual without a second thought for their poor old mother and no doubt thinking that Debbie will make sure she's fed and ok.
I will probably have lots of Sundays alone without her, but they will ever be able to look back on some of the fun Sundays that mother and myself have shared. So sorry mother if I sometimes get grumpy, it's not you that I am frustrated about I realise this now and I would rather have a Sunday with you than without you any day.
You can choose your friends, but not your family the saying goes. And although I do love my family, I really would love to shake them at times too and get them to see what they are missing out on.

Lots of love Debbie x

I'm a weeble woman!

Busy, busy, busy like a good semi retired person should be... ah nah. Sat and read my book for quite a while this morning, well that's educational should I ever go to Bombay.
I did do my washing, did all my last lot of ironing and hoovered right round this afternoon, so not quite joined the 'great unwashed set' as yet.
Do feel a bit like an old woman when walking at the moment, not sure why I walk like this when I have a chest infection, but it actually hurts to stand up straight at the moment. I kind of roll when walking and where I have my large back pack oxygen on, I look like I should be going to the pole or somewhere equally bloody cold??!! Probably having a chest infection is not the best time to not be able to have any physio... damn you snow!
Luckily my ex helped out with mother's shopping this afternoon and I took it over to her. Actually it was quite nice to get out of my bungalow for a while, even though mother tried to kill me on the journey home by lending me one of her walking sticks. She said it would help me to get a grip, which it did until I got to the road and then it slipped straight out from under me on the icy road. Luckily as I'm bent up while walking at the moment, I wasn't that far from the ground if I had of followed the stick. And after all as I'm rolling when I walk anyway, I could carry it through and do a commando roll on the road... yeah right!
Ann brought me some milk and bread over tonight and I cooked for her in return. It was nice to actually hear another voice in the bungalow!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit more exciting.

Lots of love Debbie x

Please Father Christmas may I have another pair of Tesco PJs

Bliss... today I got my lie in. In fact I didn't actually get out my pj bottoms till I took my mother's stew over to her bungalow at 6pm. I think if I wasn't worried about falling over in the snow and covering myself in hot chicken stew, I would have left them on. God bless Tescos winsette pj bottoms, they are just the best!
I have got my morning attire down to a fine art now. I wake up and swap my flimsy nightie for warm jumper and my beloved pj bottoms, then when you have to go out only then you get dressed. I can't sleep in pjs as I get too hot in bed, but I just I love dossing around the house in them.
I deserved a lie in this morning because as I thought yesterday, I was coughing a fair bit through the night thanks to the smell of paint and as we had a heavy fall of snow through the night, I couldn't see the sense on getting up while my bed was so warm and I was still tired.
My bathroom does look a bit like the beginnings of a tossed salad with all my onion halves everywhere. An old wives tale I know and whether it does soak up the smell of paint I don't know, as it still smells pretty high in there, but it's worth a try.
I'm not sure whether it's the lack of oxygen, too much central heating, the new chest infection, the paint or the rather strong chilli chocolate as still won't give up on that bar just yet, but I am having stormers for headaches especially across the bridge of my nose.
Could just be the fact that I'm not actually getting very much fresh air at the moment, as thanks to the snow my days revolve around reading a rather good book that Jean lent me and cooking wholesome meals while looking like a domestic goodness in pjs! Yeah right! Nigella eat your heart out as I too can pout while wearing my 'shape your butt' slippers from Avon and with fluffy socks too!

Lots of love Debbie x

Prisoner 21081956

Day two of being semi retired and having to get up early on yet another freezing cold morning.

I do appreciate the fact the my bathroom is being painted and this is included in my rent, so no extra charge, but isn't it sod's law they have to come on the day when it's so cold that the Met office have been given out weather warnings non stop?
Take one pair of knackered lungs, a chest infection on top, freezing cold weather, not using a low odour paint but one that has added nasties to kill any mildew and you have a recipe for a very uncomfortable couple of days and nights until the smell has gone.
To pass the time and trying to distract myself enough to keep myself warm with the front door open, I decided to look up about hedgehogs and feeding advice in general. Found a really cute website with pink daisies and sweet little hedgehogs all over it and sprung back in horror from it, complete with a hand over mouth action.
I am a murderer.
In bold red capital letters with not one, but double astrix either side of the writing it said
**DO NOT FEED ON BREAD AND MILK** I have killed it with my ignorant kindness. Somewhere there isn't a hedgehog curled up in a ball, blissfully sleeping off a large serving of Ready Brek and brown bread thinking I'll visit that lovely lady again in the Spring, which was what I was hoping; but a hedgehog curled up with severe stomach pains and diarrhea and I did that to the poor little thing and it's probably now frozen in a painful death. This chest infection is my karma I guess.
Luckily tonight I went to my old house for my ex's birthday meal, which Oliver and myself jointly cooked. And it was freezing in there. I forgot how my ex didn't like the central heating being on and even more so since he had a huge bill last year. This was after I convinced him it was cheaper to keep the house heated all the time on a steady heat, then to keep trying to heat up an old house. He got a quite warm house, but a £300 plus bill too for his trouble and remembered that my 'you should do this' was one of the reasons that he probably wanted to divorce me for!
There was no heating on at all upstairs and when I needed to go to the loo before going home, I decided to clench my buttocks and risk the journey home and go then in the warmth of bathroom even though it stunk of paint!
I suppose if I think back to being a teenager, actually no because that house was the first one we had with central heating; that was how we lived and we survived. Lots of layers in the daytime, thick nighties and hot water bottles by night.
No wonder I have a knackered chest!

Lots of love Debbie x