Ok who glued my eyes together in the night, because this morning they really didn't want to open and I had to meet a builder early this morning about my bathroom.
It was snowing and my bed was warm. I did not want to leave it. I'm not sure whether it was the new drugs making me so sleepy or I suspect it was my body telling it needs sleep to get over this bout of infection, but either way I wanted to sleep so bad.
Well that ain't going to happen as I have to get up early again tomorrow, because the painters are coming back to finish off the walls from three weeks ago. Why do they have to come so bloody early each time, I am grateful honestly, but I need to sleep?
Once I was up, I really couldn't settle and was walking around like a caged animal all be it a sleepy one, but sleepy means grumpy. My physio had been cancelled because of the snow which I was quite pleased about, as I really didn't want to drive in the snow to get to the hospital. But of course that always has a knock on effect and that is my chest won't get all the gunk out until Friday now and what happens if it's still snowy, you can't expect the poor physios to come out in bad weather.
I walked over to my mother's as I thought moving about might help it shift it off my chest, but that was a bad move as I wasn't in the right mood for mother's hoarding junk mail tactics and every time I sat down, it was get me this or get me that please and she worries me that she can't remember if she eaten or not. I had made todays lunch for her yesterday, but as there was no washing up then it's possible they were eaten yesterday before she went to bed after she ate the cottage pie for dinner and the other sandwiches for lunch... not the first time this has happened and I guess if she is hungry than she'll make herself some toast.
I love my mother dearly, but today I really couldn't be arsed with her junk mail and having to repeat myself a hundred times... then of course I feel guilty for acting like a sulky teenager. Bummer because she'll look at you and hold your face between her hands before she kisses you goodbye and I will hate myself all night.
I used to love the snow and still do, but standing watching the snow falling from a window smacks of my mother's life really, it's no fun being on your own at times. Sorry mumma I will try and retur to being the nice daughter tomorrow.
Not a great day today, more frustrating than anything I guess.
Lots of love Debbie x
About Me
- Me...Debbie Burden... or known as Burders
- I'll be 55 this August... I've had bronchiectasis for ten years plus this year... End stage lung disease for the past year...been on oxygen for three years... and have I got used to it yet?... nah! I am now waiting for the biggie; a double lung and maybe a heart transplant. I love my life weirdly enough, because I have some wonderful family and friends who are with me every step of the way on my adventures, even though I embarrass them on a daily basis with my unorthodox way of looking at life. Not for the faint hearted!
Tuesday 30 November 2010
Monday 29 November 2010
Bring the drugs Forrest
Yay I have a stroppy cockle infection or something that sounds like that, but I don't care.
I actually punched the air when the doctor called to tell me that I needed antibiotics on top of Colomycin that I always take. Why am I so pleased, because it means that I look and feel crap for a reason!!
Ok I'm still over weight, but at least I know why I'm bloated, so frigging tired, dark ringed and puffy eyed... Oh yes baby bring on the drugs.
I celebrated this by cracking open one of my emergency stash of chocolate liqueurs as I doubt that I shouldn't be drinking on top of two lots of antibiotics, but really wanted to drink to the fact that I had a reason for looking like some one's old maiden aunt.
Whether in five days time, when I'm laying in my bed unable to sleep at 4am, because I'm wired up thanks to the Tetracycline tablets, I might reconsider this jubilant celebration and break into my chocolate liqueur stash yet again to drink and knock myself out... who knows... how does the saying go... Life is a box of chocolates and I'm eating most of them!
No sign of the hedgehog today, so I'm hoping it's sleeping blissfully with a full belly under a hedge somewhere and will wake up some time in March when it's warmer and not paws up, because by jingo it's freezing out there today. Still no real snow here yet apart from a half hearted flurry apart lunch time, but I think that could change by morning as the frost on the cars outside my window has got to be an inch thick!
Even rehab today was a 'lets get it over and go home' and there was no telling us off when we rebelled on the 'sit to stand' exercise. I was quite ready to bluff it through to young Rachel and tell her that Ruth had said we could miss that one while Ruth was with a patient, but the oldies panicked and said we better do it... chickens!
I even dragged out my patchwork quilt to put on the bottom of my bed tonight, as my feet were freezing last night. The top half of me is always toasty even with no heating on in the bedroom and my window open, but if me feet are cold, I can not sleep.
So a hot bath tonight and a warm bed here I come.
Lots of love Debbie x
I actually punched the air when the doctor called to tell me that I needed antibiotics on top of Colomycin that I always take. Why am I so pleased, because it means that I look and feel crap for a reason!!
Ok I'm still over weight, but at least I know why I'm bloated, so frigging tired, dark ringed and puffy eyed... Oh yes baby bring on the drugs.
I celebrated this by cracking open one of my emergency stash of chocolate liqueurs as I doubt that I shouldn't be drinking on top of two lots of antibiotics, but really wanted to drink to the fact that I had a reason for looking like some one's old maiden aunt.
Whether in five days time, when I'm laying in my bed unable to sleep at 4am, because I'm wired up thanks to the Tetracycline tablets, I might reconsider this jubilant celebration and break into my chocolate liqueur stash yet again to drink and knock myself out... who knows... how does the saying go... Life is a box of chocolates and I'm eating most of them!
No sign of the hedgehog today, so I'm hoping it's sleeping blissfully with a full belly under a hedge somewhere and will wake up some time in March when it's warmer and not paws up, because by jingo it's freezing out there today. Still no real snow here yet apart from a half hearted flurry apart lunch time, but I think that could change by morning as the frost on the cars outside my window has got to be an inch thick!
Even rehab today was a 'lets get it over and go home' and there was no telling us off when we rebelled on the 'sit to stand' exercise. I was quite ready to bluff it through to young Rachel and tell her that Ruth had said we could miss that one while Ruth was with a patient, but the oldies panicked and said we better do it... chickens!
I even dragged out my patchwork quilt to put on the bottom of my bed tonight, as my feet were freezing last night. The top half of me is always toasty even with no heating on in the bedroom and my window open, but if me feet are cold, I can not sleep.
So a hot bath tonight and a warm bed here I come.
Lots of love Debbie x
Sunday 28 November 2010
Hedgehog for breakfast
Ooo a frosty morning this morning, but no snow as yet.
I am really pleased that my bungalow is so warm and toasty, as I have lived in some really cold places and the worst for the cold was my little flat in Witham... by God that was freezing after nine o'clock at night!
I had a visitor for breakfast this morning who was really cold and that was a baby hedgehog. Surely they should be hibernating by now? Maybe it was hungry and that's why it was awake? Hopefully my readybrek and brown bread mixture for the poor little thing, will help it to sleep and won't kill it in the process as it was sitting in the bowl eating it as if it's life depended on it. See if I was a true retired person, I would have already googled this just in case of this crisis!
Went to the Food show at Cressing Temple with Jo after breakfast with the hedgehog and we both got some goodies, not the hedgehog Julie, he stayed at home! Unfortunately I didn't get any Rum Punch this time as that stallholder has really increased his prices I'm sad to say, but as I'm going tea total till Christmas, I'm not worried. Say I'm going on the wagon often enough and I'll believe it!
There were some really lovely bits down there today, but I was very good and only brought presents and food stuff. I have to admit though the chilli chocolate don't half bite back, I wonder if that was a disgruntled worker made that batch, as that nearly blew my socks off!
I made mother lunch later and we just had a lazy day in front of my tv.
So not a lot to report I'm afraid and I'm still sulking that my body double Anne Widdecome is still in Strictly Come Dancing... dear God what is the world coming too?
Lots of love Debbie x
I am really pleased that my bungalow is so warm and toasty, as I have lived in some really cold places and the worst for the cold was my little flat in Witham... by God that was freezing after nine o'clock at night!
I had a visitor for breakfast this morning who was really cold and that was a baby hedgehog. Surely they should be hibernating by now? Maybe it was hungry and that's why it was awake? Hopefully my readybrek and brown bread mixture for the poor little thing, will help it to sleep and won't kill it in the process as it was sitting in the bowl eating it as if it's life depended on it. See if I was a true retired person, I would have already googled this just in case of this crisis!
Went to the Food show at Cressing Temple with Jo after breakfast with the hedgehog and we both got some goodies, not the hedgehog Julie, he stayed at home! Unfortunately I didn't get any Rum Punch this time as that stallholder has really increased his prices I'm sad to say, but as I'm going tea total till Christmas, I'm not worried. Say I'm going on the wagon often enough and I'll believe it!
There were some really lovely bits down there today, but I was very good and only brought presents and food stuff. I have to admit though the chilli chocolate don't half bite back, I wonder if that was a disgruntled worker made that batch, as that nearly blew my socks off!
I made mother lunch later and we just had a lazy day in front of my tv.
So not a lot to report I'm afraid and I'm still sulking that my body double Anne Widdecome is still in Strictly Come Dancing... dear God what is the world coming too?
Lots of love Debbie x
Saturday 27 November 2010
PS
Just got to tell you this. As I signed out, a whole load of ads popped up for anti-wrinkle cream!
Isn't that the sweetest thing, don't you just love internet optimism!?
Lots of love Debbie x
Isn't that the sweetest thing, don't you just love internet optimism!?
Lots of love Debbie x
The alternative Mona Lisa
Ooo I woke up with a headache plus a sore throat this morning and there was no way I was leaving my bed before I was well and truly ready. Did I sing too many improper songs, fall off a table and land on my head last night at my party or was it just that I had a generous amount of drinks and ended up talking too much? Me talking too much? Ok you've got me there, but there were so many people and so little time to fit everyone in.
I did look really bad this morning and when I revisited my discovery of the three year old photos that I found yesterday on my mobile, I did have a little weep. Even when I showed Reni today, there was silence and a hug from her.
Three years ago I was a stone and a bit lighter, short blonde hair, full of life and the only lines on my face were laughter lines, ok there was a hell of a lot of laughter!
Now I am just over eleven stone with a bloated face and bloated stomach thanks to too many drugs, a face that shows every bad day that has passed in those three years in the shape of dark sunken eyes, lines everywhere which believe me ain't no laughter lines this time and a look that the Mona Lisa would have been wearing if she was thinking 'holly fuck what's next, I've had enough matey boy,' all topped off with grotty grey hair because I don't want to die with roots. At least she got to wear a blanket on her head, I need one over my head and my face! And believe me, having a hangover doesn't help the Debbie Burden stroke Mona Lisa look one iota and in my view that woman looked seriously pissed off and she was supposed to be smiling!
Even my mother looks better than me with her freshly painted red finger nails!
Still I had a surprise visit from my eldest son who came with Oliver and Reni for the afternoon, which was lovely having my family around me and this really boosted me up.
So after I've drunk this rather strong brandy and coke which is for medicinal reasons of course as my throat is still sore, I'm not drinking until Christmas and I'm off back to bed!
Lots of love Debbie x
I did look really bad this morning and when I revisited my discovery of the three year old photos that I found yesterday on my mobile, I did have a little weep. Even when I showed Reni today, there was silence and a hug from her.
Three years ago I was a stone and a bit lighter, short blonde hair, full of life and the only lines on my face were laughter lines, ok there was a hell of a lot of laughter!
Now I am just over eleven stone with a bloated face and bloated stomach thanks to too many drugs, a face that shows every bad day that has passed in those three years in the shape of dark sunken eyes, lines everywhere which believe me ain't no laughter lines this time and a look that the Mona Lisa would have been wearing if she was thinking 'holly fuck what's next, I've had enough matey boy,' all topped off with grotty grey hair because I don't want to die with roots. At least she got to wear a blanket on her head, I need one over my head and my face! And believe me, having a hangover doesn't help the Debbie Burden stroke Mona Lisa look one iota and in my view that woman looked seriously pissed off and she was supposed to be smiling!
Even my mother looks better than me with her freshly painted red finger nails!
Still I had a surprise visit from my eldest son who came with Oliver and Reni for the afternoon, which was lovely having my family around me and this really boosted me up.
So after I've drunk this rather strong brandy and coke which is for medicinal reasons of course as my throat is still sore, I'm not drinking until Christmas and I'm off back to bed!
Lots of love Debbie x
Friday 26 November 2010
Farewell Student Services it's been a blast
Oh my God, people actually do like me! I walked onto the 2nd floor this afternoon (where I still technically work, so technically I'm having my retirement do under false pretences, but you ain't getting the pressies back!) and was greeted with coloured streamers, a stand full of photos of yours truly with various captions underneath, not all PC, but we are talking about me here and three tables full of food and drink complete with a fabby decorated cake by Sally.
To say I was nervous before I left home was an understatement, especially as Hannah from the respiratory team called to say that they were concerned that the readings from my Docobo was showing that my heart rate was rather high.
Oh Lord, a couple of surprises at my party and bang... heart attack here I come before I even start to draw my pension!
I explained that it could be that I was a bit stressed about the party and promised if my heart started acting strange, then I would call for help immediately. Now that would be a send off and a half to go off in an ambulance, wonder if the ambulance man would double up as a strip-o-gram for me?!
But the real send off that I did receive was amazing, I am still sitting here looking at my presents and cards, and I'm gobsmacked... plus a little hungover too now!
I knew that I've worked with the kindest of people for the last eleven years. People that have supported me through my divorce, Matt's accident, family fall outs, my bankruptcy and of course my illness; but it seems that I have made them laugh with my frank outbursts, my funny stories of my disasters because if it's going to happen, it will happen to me and the way I take the piss out of everything and everybody, but mainly myself.
Thank you everyone for giving me the best eleven years, I really will miss you all. And please if I did say anything naughty while I was under the influence of two glasses of wine, one large glass of champagne and two brandies, then I'm really sorry... but it was the drugs!!!!
Lots of love Debbie x
To say I was nervous before I left home was an understatement, especially as Hannah from the respiratory team called to say that they were concerned that the readings from my Docobo was showing that my heart rate was rather high.
Oh Lord, a couple of surprises at my party and bang... heart attack here I come before I even start to draw my pension!
I explained that it could be that I was a bit stressed about the party and promised if my heart started acting strange, then I would call for help immediately. Now that would be a send off and a half to go off in an ambulance, wonder if the ambulance man would double up as a strip-o-gram for me?!
But the real send off that I did receive was amazing, I am still sitting here looking at my presents and cards, and I'm gobsmacked... plus a little hungover too now!
I knew that I've worked with the kindest of people for the last eleven years. People that have supported me through my divorce, Matt's accident, family fall outs, my bankruptcy and of course my illness; but it seems that I have made them laugh with my frank outbursts, my funny stories of my disasters because if it's going to happen, it will happen to me and the way I take the piss out of everything and everybody, but mainly myself.
Thank you everyone for giving me the best eleven years, I really will miss you all. And please if I did say anything naughty while I was under the influence of two glasses of wine, one large glass of champagne and two brandies, then I'm really sorry... but it was the drugs!!!!
Lots of love Debbie x
Thursday 25 November 2010
Ooo doves and penguins!
Thankfully the 'Yuk Bug' has passed thanks to resting most of Wednesday and getting a sound beating to empty my lungs from one of Ruth's new recruits in the afternoon. Normally I go to Maldon to relax with a picnic next to the water, this time I was at the hospital there hanging onto the bed with my ass in the air over a bouncy pillow, while a trainee physio beat seven bells out of me. Not only did she knock the sputum out of my lungs, but the tiredness went as well. How?
She asked if I was a smoker and that was enough to get me fired up and the fighting spirit back in me. Not that I was rude to her, but I had to explain although I have to attend a COPD clinic, I haven't got a smoking related disease. If I don't fight my corner, people will carry on presuming, so I haven't got time to be tired.
So even though I was petrified of my own shadow on the Tuesday and really didn't want to go on the trip to Norfolk to the Christmas show today, because of the fore casted heavy snow; I was fired up enough to go and there I sat in the falling snow with a pair of penguin earmuffs on my head whilst freezing my butt off!
I was scared of going because, what if our coach got stuck in the predicted heavy snow and I couldn't get home? What would I do for my night oxygen, after all I hadn't been feeling my strongest lately? Then my friend Barbara pointed out that if I did get stuck, then the emergency department could bring out a canister of oxygen or take me to it... duh... Why didn't I think of that?
So my adventure started with a early rise, so I've proved one step stronger to the 'Yuk Bug' and we set off on the coach to Thursford with fifty OAPs... thanks Greta, but it prove to be great fun.
Not sure about having to eat a full Christmas dinner at 11am though, that wasn't so much fun even with wearing the obligatory paper hats out of the cracker and a stiff brandy to help wash it down. Just how do little OAPs managed to consume so much so early?
But the main attraction at Thursford was worth the early start. The Christmas show was a really lovely old fashioned variety show with lots of tap dancing and high kicking show girls, a smiling handsome magician, a cute ventriloquist and lots of singers... Ooo and doves that flew across the hall at the end after the fake snow fell! All was this set in a hall that looked like a wonderful grown ups Christmas grotto. All the better because no children allowed in the show... bliss.
I did feel guilty that my mother wasn't there as she would have really loved it, but Greta wouldn't have been able to handle two cripples. I hope that maybe next year if all goes well, than I'll be able to take her and she can marvel at the doves too, maybe we can all wear penguin earmuffs!
Lots of love Debbie x
She asked if I was a smoker and that was enough to get me fired up and the fighting spirit back in me. Not that I was rude to her, but I had to explain although I have to attend a COPD clinic, I haven't got a smoking related disease. If I don't fight my corner, people will carry on presuming, so I haven't got time to be tired.
So even though I was petrified of my own shadow on the Tuesday and really didn't want to go on the trip to Norfolk to the Christmas show today, because of the fore casted heavy snow; I was fired up enough to go and there I sat in the falling snow with a pair of penguin earmuffs on my head whilst freezing my butt off!
I was scared of going because, what if our coach got stuck in the predicted heavy snow and I couldn't get home? What would I do for my night oxygen, after all I hadn't been feeling my strongest lately? Then my friend Barbara pointed out that if I did get stuck, then the emergency department could bring out a canister of oxygen or take me to it... duh... Why didn't I think of that?
So my adventure started with a early rise, so I've proved one step stronger to the 'Yuk Bug' and we set off on the coach to Thursford with fifty OAPs... thanks Greta, but it prove to be great fun.
Not sure about having to eat a full Christmas dinner at 11am though, that wasn't so much fun even with wearing the obligatory paper hats out of the cracker and a stiff brandy to help wash it down. Just how do little OAPs managed to consume so much so early?
But the main attraction at Thursford was worth the early start. The Christmas show was a really lovely old fashioned variety show with lots of tap dancing and high kicking show girls, a smiling handsome magician, a cute ventriloquist and lots of singers... Ooo and doves that flew across the hall at the end after the fake snow fell! All was this set in a hall that looked like a wonderful grown ups Christmas grotto. All the better because no children allowed in the show... bliss.
I did feel guilty that my mother wasn't there as she would have really loved it, but Greta wouldn't have been able to handle two cripples. I hope that maybe next year if all goes well, than I'll be able to take her and she can marvel at the doves too, maybe we can all wear penguin earmuffs!
Lots of love Debbie x
Tuesday 23 November 2010
I dedicate this oscar to...
Why is it there is always a spanner ready to be thrown in the works? Just when you are feeling content, something has to come along and whip the rug from under your feet. Today it was I felt yuk.
Now I know I have an end stage lung disease and I am waiting for the ok to go ahead for a transplant, but I actually do feel pretty content with my life weirdly enough, but I woke up this morning and felt really grim.
My blood pressure was low again today and my stats weren't wonderful, but it was more a kind of tiredness that had settled on me which could have gone either way today... back to bed after a call for help or try and work through it. I've been told that I mustn't hide away or give up, but I am so bloody tired.
I've been in hospital when feeling healthier than this and I know I have got tougher, but hell I know when I feel tired and today is it. I looked really shite too and I know it sounds proper girlie to say this, but my hair looked a state and for me an ex hairdresser, that is a good sign that something isn't correct in my body. But the actor in me says the Debbie Burden is a jolly good fellow road show must go on.
Ruth said yesterday that there was a culture in my sputum that they couldn't get a reading on and as Sadie is normally spot on recognising when I'm not right, I've got to do another sample today.
Mother who happily told my sister yesterday that we were going out again today, decided after I had put my actors head on and while sitting eating lunch that I didn't really want, that she shouldn't have come out as she didn't feel right and wasn't hungry. Handy mother, wish you had decided that earlier.
Afterwards I tried to do a sample as we were driving to the hospital and managed just to vomit instead into the specimen jar thanks to trying so close to eating... yuk! Have to try again tomorrow now.
Still Derek cheered mother up with his amazing job on her kitchen and it was good to see her smile again, as a chance of a smile looked a million miles away from her earlier today.
Perhaps there is a 'yuk' bug going around and perhaps we've both got it and today it will pass and tomorrow we will wake up back as happy rejects?
I hope so.
Lots of love Debbie x
Now I know I have an end stage lung disease and I am waiting for the ok to go ahead for a transplant, but I actually do feel pretty content with my life weirdly enough, but I woke up this morning and felt really grim.
My blood pressure was low again today and my stats weren't wonderful, but it was more a kind of tiredness that had settled on me which could have gone either way today... back to bed after a call for help or try and work through it. I've been told that I mustn't hide away or give up, but I am so bloody tired.
I've been in hospital when feeling healthier than this and I know I have got tougher, but hell I know when I feel tired and today is it. I looked really shite too and I know it sounds proper girlie to say this, but my hair looked a state and for me an ex hairdresser, that is a good sign that something isn't correct in my body. But the actor in me says the Debbie Burden is a jolly good fellow road show must go on.
Ruth said yesterday that there was a culture in my sputum that they couldn't get a reading on and as Sadie is normally spot on recognising when I'm not right, I've got to do another sample today.
Mother who happily told my sister yesterday that we were going out again today, decided after I had put my actors head on and while sitting eating lunch that I didn't really want, that she shouldn't have come out as she didn't feel right and wasn't hungry. Handy mother, wish you had decided that earlier.
Afterwards I tried to do a sample as we were driving to the hospital and managed just to vomit instead into the specimen jar thanks to trying so close to eating... yuk! Have to try again tomorrow now.
Still Derek cheered mother up with his amazing job on her kitchen and it was good to see her smile again, as a chance of a smile looked a million miles away from her earlier today.
Perhaps there is a 'yuk' bug going around and perhaps we've both got it and today it will pass and tomorrow we will wake up back as happy rejects?
I hope so.
Lots of love Debbie x
Monday 22 November 2010
Domestic Goddess meets Gladiator.
Another productive day at the office, sorry at my home.
Gave mother the slip this morning and ordered another sick certificate for work, as a month has gone by already. Then I had my car cleaned by the very kind men in Braintree, who did look a wee bit horrified at the amount of birds shite all over my car. But I gave them double, because A) I felt bad about how dirty it was and B) so I could go back again without them putting up the closed sign when they saw me coming next time.
I then went off food shopping so I didn't have to go after rehab. I do realise this was a waste of petrol as it meant going to the same place twice, as where I go to rehab backs on to Tescos.
But what the hell I'm living dangerously and I've plenty of time ahead of me to panic about the price of petrol.
Next it was a stop off at the garden centre to get some more plants for my last two hanging baskets and I brought enough for some over for the patio pot with the fuchsia in it. I'm not a hundred percent sure how to handle that one at the moment, as I still haven't found any articles that tell you what to do with them once winter arrives and actually I was a bit knackered after doing the two baskets and I still had to go to rehab.
As I discovered yesterday, I'm very good at lopping and hacking things off in the garden, but I restrained myself this time until I'd done a bit more research. Oooo I really am a retired person now as I've heard them talking at rehab about researching this that and the other on line, I am now officially in the clan!
After rehab I had to speed back to watch Derek dismantle mother's shelves, while I cooked her dinner and she tried to humiliate me by trying to give him a fiver. God my mother is such a cheap skate at times!
Then come 8pm it was at last time for me to sit down and eat my meal.
I am being thrifty in the kitchen as I decided to use up my carrots as mash al la Nigel Slater and even made some curried parsnip soup for tomorrow while my dinner was cooking. Ok a few problems arising there. I overdid the curry paste as by God it's hot and I am now wearing some of my soup as I tried to blend it in the saucepan, but the jumper will wash and it didn't take me long to scape it off my glasses. I have to admit I did look a bit like a gladiator hiding behind my saucepan lid while wielding my blender!
Lots of love Debbie x
Gave mother the slip this morning and ordered another sick certificate for work, as a month has gone by already. Then I had my car cleaned by the very kind men in Braintree, who did look a wee bit horrified at the amount of birds shite all over my car. But I gave them double, because A) I felt bad about how dirty it was and B) so I could go back again without them putting up the closed sign when they saw me coming next time.
I then went off food shopping so I didn't have to go after rehab. I do realise this was a waste of petrol as it meant going to the same place twice, as where I go to rehab backs on to Tescos.
But what the hell I'm living dangerously and I've plenty of time ahead of me to panic about the price of petrol.
Next it was a stop off at the garden centre to get some more plants for my last two hanging baskets and I brought enough for some over for the patio pot with the fuchsia in it. I'm not a hundred percent sure how to handle that one at the moment, as I still haven't found any articles that tell you what to do with them once winter arrives and actually I was a bit knackered after doing the two baskets and I still had to go to rehab.
As I discovered yesterday, I'm very good at lopping and hacking things off in the garden, but I restrained myself this time until I'd done a bit more research. Oooo I really am a retired person now as I've heard them talking at rehab about researching this that and the other on line, I am now officially in the clan!
After rehab I had to speed back to watch Derek dismantle mother's shelves, while I cooked her dinner and she tried to humiliate me by trying to give him a fiver. God my mother is such a cheap skate at times!
Then come 8pm it was at last time for me to sit down and eat my meal.
I am being thrifty in the kitchen as I decided to use up my carrots as mash al la Nigel Slater and even made some curried parsnip soup for tomorrow while my dinner was cooking. Ok a few problems arising there. I overdid the curry paste as by God it's hot and I am now wearing some of my soup as I tried to blend it in the saucepan, but the jumper will wash and it didn't take me long to scape it off my glasses. I have to admit I did look a bit like a gladiator hiding behind my saucepan lid while wielding my blender!
Lots of love Debbie x
Sunday 21 November 2010
Mary, Joseph and gardening gnomes
Quite a productive day after a slow start. My ex husband came round to help me tidy up the garden ready for winter this morning. I wasn't sure what we should be doing as normally the magazines that I read always have a gardening section, but not this time of course.
So my outlook on wintering tidying is if it sticks up, cut it off. Come spring we will find out if I am a gardening guru or a garden gnome!
My ex is very good at keeping the lawns looking fab and is brilliant at digging things over, but as he is a sports groundsman, he has always admitted that his flowering knowledge is limited, but he is very handy to have around.
There is something quite satisfying though about lopping things back and pulling weeds up, even if my case it was lop two little branches and then rest for 5mins!
It's good that we are still such good friends as we chatted quite happily about Christmas presents and our children as we worked before treating ourselves to a much earned cuppa.
When he left it was a quick tidy up and change of clothes to take mother out for lunch. Thankfully she was exceptionally good company and more sprightly on her pins, which was just as well as after trying four pub/restaurants for Sunday lunch, we were beginning to feel like Mary and Joseph on our quest for a table!
We ended up at Tiptree Jam Factory tea rooms and mother was rewarded with the last chicken and leek suet pudding on the menu while I had to settle for a beef salad with hot potatoes. Well at least we got a table and got to buy some jams and chutneys from their gift shop to take home for crumpets on chilly nights and Monday lunch left overs. And by the farmers weather forecast, we won't have long to wait before the cold weather arrives, maybe snow showers by Thursday no less.
When we got back it was definitely time for me to slip into my pj bottoms and t-shirt while slumming it on the sofa... Bring on the snow I say!
Lots of love Debbie x
So my outlook on wintering tidying is if it sticks up, cut it off. Come spring we will find out if I am a gardening guru or a garden gnome!
My ex is very good at keeping the lawns looking fab and is brilliant at digging things over, but as he is a sports groundsman, he has always admitted that his flowering knowledge is limited, but he is very handy to have around.
There is something quite satisfying though about lopping things back and pulling weeds up, even if my case it was lop two little branches and then rest for 5mins!
It's good that we are still such good friends as we chatted quite happily about Christmas presents and our children as we worked before treating ourselves to a much earned cuppa.
When he left it was a quick tidy up and change of clothes to take mother out for lunch. Thankfully she was exceptionally good company and more sprightly on her pins, which was just as well as after trying four pub/restaurants for Sunday lunch, we were beginning to feel like Mary and Joseph on our quest for a table!
We ended up at Tiptree Jam Factory tea rooms and mother was rewarded with the last chicken and leek suet pudding on the menu while I had to settle for a beef salad with hot potatoes. Well at least we got a table and got to buy some jams and chutneys from their gift shop to take home for crumpets on chilly nights and Monday lunch left overs. And by the farmers weather forecast, we won't have long to wait before the cold weather arrives, maybe snow showers by Thursday no less.
When we got back it was definitely time for me to slip into my pj bottoms and t-shirt while slumming it on the sofa... Bring on the snow I say!
Lots of love Debbie x
Saturday 20 November 2010
And they're orf!
I badly need some new underwear. I seem to have gone up another size now to 40D, which years ago I would have been very gratified with and so would have been my ex husband, but as I still have Spaniel dogs ears for breasts, I can only presume it is where my rib cage is expanding!
Either way my bras hurt and have to come off after a while so my breasts can roam free, as I really hate feeling constrained now.
I also need bigger labels in my knickers, as I wore my pair of 'Bridget Joneses' back to front tonight! I thought they felt rather awkward when I was sitting, or walking come to that, but I couldn't change them around as it would have been bad luck.
Actually my luck was pretty good tonight, as our table won quite a few prizes between us at the British Legion Race Night. It was a Rotary Club fundraiser for St John's Ambulance and as Bill (who invited us girls) and myself have a quite a good chance of using the said stretcher that the funds were for, we thought we should all attend and we were jolly glad we did. Bill won every race bar one, plus three bottles of red wine and I won two races and a raffle prize. Julie won a couple of races and a raffle prize and poor Ann won nothing, but she did enjoy the fish and chip supper!
So maybe I should use my winnings and buy some new undies and Bill should forge a new career as a professional gambler?!
Lots of love Debbie x
Either way my bras hurt and have to come off after a while so my breasts can roam free, as I really hate feeling constrained now.
I also need bigger labels in my knickers, as I wore my pair of 'Bridget Joneses' back to front tonight! I thought they felt rather awkward when I was sitting, or walking come to that, but I couldn't change them around as it would have been bad luck.
Actually my luck was pretty good tonight, as our table won quite a few prizes between us at the British Legion Race Night. It was a Rotary Club fundraiser for St John's Ambulance and as Bill (who invited us girls) and myself have a quite a good chance of using the said stretcher that the funds were for, we thought we should all attend and we were jolly glad we did. Bill won every race bar one, plus three bottles of red wine and I won two races and a raffle prize. Julie won a couple of races and a raffle prize and poor Ann won nothing, but she did enjoy the fish and chip supper!
So maybe I should use my winnings and buy some new undies and Bill should forge a new career as a professional gambler?!
Lots of love Debbie x
Friday 19 November 2010
Hello heart
I saw my heart today and it was wonderful. I know parents to be have had the pleasure of seeing their unborn by scans for many years now, but today I had an Echocardiogram on my heart and lungs and I got to see them both.
It was beating rather fast, but that could have been because we got lost twice trying to find the new Cardio Suite in Broomfield which is rather like a space station now, but for me it was instant... love at first sight.
The disco that was being held in my lungs was a little disconcerting, but the lady operating the equipment told me that the blue and red flashing lights were showing the blood and oxygen circulation in my lungs... all clever stuff.
I have always had trouble trying to come to grips that I may have to have my heart swapped with the lungs' owner ever since it was first mentioned, as they like to do all three at the same time to lessen the chance of rejection and better results etc.
Swapping my lungs no problem as they have caused me untold grief ever since I was young, but my heart being swapped is something that doesn't sit easily with me... my heart is me. What happens if I get a scum bags heart, will I start stealing cars or have the urge to say 'everyone down on the floor now' when queuing up in the post office to send a parcel? I can be brusque now with the cute little heart that I have now, so what happens after the transplant?!
I know my heart is tired, because it feels tired and if that scan had a speaker, I'm sure you would hear it in a tiny voice saying how weary it is with all this pumping what little oxygen I have around my body to do so many important things.
I've tired to take care of it, but now I have seen it I will treasure it for as long as I have it.
I don't care if people think I have lost the plot, but tonight I will go to sleep with my hands on it and hope it knows that I am trying to give it a hug.
Lots of love Debbie x
It was beating rather fast, but that could have been because we got lost twice trying to find the new Cardio Suite in Broomfield which is rather like a space station now, but for me it was instant... love at first sight.
The disco that was being held in my lungs was a little disconcerting, but the lady operating the equipment told me that the blue and red flashing lights were showing the blood and oxygen circulation in my lungs... all clever stuff.
I have always had trouble trying to come to grips that I may have to have my heart swapped with the lungs' owner ever since it was first mentioned, as they like to do all three at the same time to lessen the chance of rejection and better results etc.
Swapping my lungs no problem as they have caused me untold grief ever since I was young, but my heart being swapped is something that doesn't sit easily with me... my heart is me. What happens if I get a scum bags heart, will I start stealing cars or have the urge to say 'everyone down on the floor now' when queuing up in the post office to send a parcel? I can be brusque now with the cute little heart that I have now, so what happens after the transplant?!
I know my heart is tired, because it feels tired and if that scan had a speaker, I'm sure you would hear it in a tiny voice saying how weary it is with all this pumping what little oxygen I have around my body to do so many important things.
I've tired to take care of it, but now I have seen it I will treasure it for as long as I have it.
I don't care if people think I have lost the plot, but tonight I will go to sleep with my hands on it and hope it knows that I am trying to give it a hug.
Lots of love Debbie x
Thursday 18 November 2010
Manic Wednesdays, boring Thursdays
A strange couple of days. Wednesday was full of ups and downs and today just diddly squat.
I just wonder how the day can disappear when you are just poodling about and appear to being do very little?
I went with my friend to Ocky Health yesterday and it felt rather like handing over your first born child to the teacher on their first day at school. She looked absolutely petrified going in and whatever I said to try and make her feel better wasn't going to put her mind at ease. But although she looked like she had been through the wringer, they both came out of the office kind of smiling and she now has tasks to do to get her back on track before seeing the doctor again.
I guess I am very lucky as I know I have 'silent scream' moments and panic attacks, but I do have the nature that bounces back very quickly whatever is thrown at me. It may take a day, but normally never longer.
Her first task was to run into Broomfield hospital and get my repeat drugs for me, as the new car park, new pharmacy, new wing etc was opened this week and I didn't think I could negotiate that on my own today and in fact it took her all of fifteen minutes to get the drugs and come back to my car.
When I dropped her off at her house, she had that look on her face of someone who has just removed their magic knickers... one of huge relief.
We both came to a decision about the Christmas do which we had been looking forward to, but now it hasn't got the same appeal for either of us. Ok we may have to lose the £50, but rather that than her dreading it and me taking a week so near to Christmas to get over it. I think we are being sensible in not going. Besides I can't dance, well apart from just one and takes knackers me for the next day and I wouldn't be able to drink if I was driving and there's no way that I could go on the dodgems wearing my oxygen. If it got hit, I could take the whole of Northweald out! Nah, safer for everyone that I stay at home, as it's not that I haven't got things to look forward to.
I then had lunch at work with the learning support girls and it already seems weird for me up there now, as if I am interloper on the second floor. I know there was only a few working up there, but there was none of the usual buzz.
Next stop was my mother's where there was more than enough buzz to keep me going. We almost come to blows again over her bloody junk mail. She is convinced that she has won one of these £15,000 that drop through her door on a daily basis and all she has to do is buy a load of crap to be entered into the draw.
I had two friends around for a meal tonight, my old neighbour and another old friend and thankfully that was a good way to end the day. I am now the owner of some pretty autumn coloured flowers and I have some wine left over... result!
Today I was busy doing nothing really. I had to stay with mother until the gas man had been to inspect her boiler etc, so after I'd done her shopping and cooked a spag bol for a late lunch, he turned up and was gone in about 15mins flat. So then I was dispatched off to do some more shopping as I had forgotten her milk and then thankfully I was able to rest.
Derek also came round to deliberate just how he is going to sort out the fridge housing crisis and as usual, it was 'No problem' and off he went. He always makes me feel calm bless him.
Mother whispered should she give him a fiver for doing the work? Err hello mother anyone there! She has no idea about money at times daft old bat. She'll spend about £30 on cakes from Belgium or garden bulbs from Holland that never grow (from junk mail again) but then say something stupid like a fiver for a job which includes someones hard work and time! Bless her she blushed and said 'I'm being daft aren't I again'... In a nutshell yes mother in a nutshell!
Lots of love Debbie x
I just wonder how the day can disappear when you are just poodling about and appear to being do very little?
I went with my friend to Ocky Health yesterday and it felt rather like handing over your first born child to the teacher on their first day at school. She looked absolutely petrified going in and whatever I said to try and make her feel better wasn't going to put her mind at ease. But although she looked like she had been through the wringer, they both came out of the office kind of smiling and she now has tasks to do to get her back on track before seeing the doctor again.
I guess I am very lucky as I know I have 'silent scream' moments and panic attacks, but I do have the nature that bounces back very quickly whatever is thrown at me. It may take a day, but normally never longer.
Her first task was to run into Broomfield hospital and get my repeat drugs for me, as the new car park, new pharmacy, new wing etc was opened this week and I didn't think I could negotiate that on my own today and in fact it took her all of fifteen minutes to get the drugs and come back to my car.
When I dropped her off at her house, she had that look on her face of someone who has just removed their magic knickers... one of huge relief.
We both came to a decision about the Christmas do which we had been looking forward to, but now it hasn't got the same appeal for either of us. Ok we may have to lose the £50, but rather that than her dreading it and me taking a week so near to Christmas to get over it. I think we are being sensible in not going. Besides I can't dance, well apart from just one and takes knackers me for the next day and I wouldn't be able to drink if I was driving and there's no way that I could go on the dodgems wearing my oxygen. If it got hit, I could take the whole of Northweald out! Nah, safer for everyone that I stay at home, as it's not that I haven't got things to look forward to.
I then had lunch at work with the learning support girls and it already seems weird for me up there now, as if I am interloper on the second floor. I know there was only a few working up there, but there was none of the usual buzz.
Next stop was my mother's where there was more than enough buzz to keep me going. We almost come to blows again over her bloody junk mail. She is convinced that she has won one of these £15,000 that drop through her door on a daily basis and all she has to do is buy a load of crap to be entered into the draw.
I had two friends around for a meal tonight, my old neighbour and another old friend and thankfully that was a good way to end the day. I am now the owner of some pretty autumn coloured flowers and I have some wine left over... result!
Today I was busy doing nothing really. I had to stay with mother until the gas man had been to inspect her boiler etc, so after I'd done her shopping and cooked a spag bol for a late lunch, he turned up and was gone in about 15mins flat. So then I was dispatched off to do some more shopping as I had forgotten her milk and then thankfully I was able to rest.
Derek also came round to deliberate just how he is going to sort out the fridge housing crisis and as usual, it was 'No problem' and off he went. He always makes me feel calm bless him.
Mother whispered should she give him a fiver for doing the work? Err hello mother anyone there! She has no idea about money at times daft old bat. She'll spend about £30 on cakes from Belgium or garden bulbs from Holland that never grow (from junk mail again) but then say something stupid like a fiver for a job which includes someones hard work and time! Bless her she blushed and said 'I'm being daft aren't I again'... In a nutshell yes mother in a nutshell!
Lots of love Debbie x
Tuesday 16 November 2010
Up the creek without a paddle
One of my lovely yummy mummy friends called me today and her first question was 'Do I miss work?'
Well considering that only 30mins before, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing my mother's bedroom carpet, her commode, her actual toilet and stripping the valance of her double bed thanks to my mother's over enthusiastic dose of ex-lax, I think the answer would be an resounding, YES please take me back now! They may be small tablets mother, but they say one for a reason.
Surely this is child abuse????
And before anyone says, 'I shouldn't be doing this'... I know, but who would do it, because if I didn't, then she would be left in her own shite until my sister popped over tomorrow.
Anyway poor old girl had enough on her plate, as her best friend since moving to the village died this morning at the grand old age of 96, but she was quite a poor old soul. In fact that's her only friend here now, as they've all passed on or are too ill or old to keep in contact.
I have to admit that at 4am this morning, I thought I had one toe in the grave as I couldn't breathe and woke up gasping for breath. Either I had actually swallowed a spider... again according to Sam's old wives tales... or my stats had dropped down really low.
Either way, just as well I made a come back into this world otherwise mother would have been up shite creek without a paddle!
I had a lady from the council/social services come this morning to talk about me getting a shower and looks like it will all go ahead, plus I can keep my bath... Hoorah! I tried my luck about getting a shed too, but the jury is out on that one. Fingers crossed though.
Lots of love Debbie x
Well considering that only 30mins before, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing my mother's bedroom carpet, her commode, her actual toilet and stripping the valance of her double bed thanks to my mother's over enthusiastic dose of ex-lax, I think the answer would be an resounding, YES please take me back now! They may be small tablets mother, but they say one for a reason.
Surely this is child abuse????
And before anyone says, 'I shouldn't be doing this'... I know, but who would do it, because if I didn't, then she would be left in her own shite until my sister popped over tomorrow.
Anyway poor old girl had enough on her plate, as her best friend since moving to the village died this morning at the grand old age of 96, but she was quite a poor old soul. In fact that's her only friend here now, as they've all passed on or are too ill or old to keep in contact.
I have to admit that at 4am this morning, I thought I had one toe in the grave as I couldn't breathe and woke up gasping for breath. Either I had actually swallowed a spider... again according to Sam's old wives tales... or my stats had dropped down really low.
Either way, just as well I made a come back into this world otherwise mother would have been up shite creek without a paddle!
I had a lady from the council/social services come this morning to talk about me getting a shower and looks like it will all go ahead, plus I can keep my bath... Hoorah! I tried my luck about getting a shed too, but the jury is out on that one. Fingers crossed though.
Lots of love Debbie x
Monday 15 November 2010
That will teach me
There may have been a whole lot of love in the air on Saturday, but by Sunday night my mood had turned into a really malignant state of affairs I'm sorry and ashamed to say.
By 9pm I didn't want to talk to anyone and really needed 'me' time with a capital M where I was so tired. I wouldn't say my stats were very low, but my breathing really was quite unpleasant with anything and everything wearing me out.
I went to bed and fell into a lovely deep sleep, but unfortunately it only lasted about half an hour and I was wide awake again and this time sleep evaded me leaving me even more bad tempered. My last trip to the toilet which was done out of boredom, was about 3.20am and luckily this time I actually went off for a couple of hours before waking up again.
My first sight of me in the mirror was pretty grim. White as a sheet with big dark circles around the eyes, a good look for Halloween, but not one for a Monday morning, thank goodness I wasn't still at work.
So this morning's tasks were executed very slowly indeed until my colour came back to me. I switched on the washing machine and then went back to sleep for an hour. I sat in bed doing my drugs before putting out my washing and then I had a bath which I fell asleep in.
It was one of those mornings which wasn't helped by the fact I had let my fridge run down as I was out Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday lunch at my sisters. So eating a cupcake is not a healthy choice as far as breakfasts go, but as it was 11am before I actually got my act together, I suppose it could be classed as an elevenses?
Still from lunchtime onwards was ok as I spent that food shopping, cooking mother's dinner and then rehab and yes I whipped those OAP suckers arses! Well before I start crowing too loudly, I did my walk outside in the exercise yard and it was too cold out there for them, so they were probably speeding about in the warm hall. One of the old girls kept giving me dagger looks every time I threw the ball at her, so perhaps not all my aggression had disappeared, but she still spoke to me, so I couldn't have been that bad.
And after that my youngest son looked after me and cooked a rather wholesome casserole round his for us both. I was unfortunately late though, as I stopped off to get a dessert and promptly lost my car keys getting into the car. Payback Karma obviously for throwing the ball too hard at the old girl and for being a grump last night. Just as I was about to cry and ring Oliver to get him to drive back to mine and get the spare set, I found them in my shopping bag. I swear they fell on the floor otherwise I wouldn't have been kneeling on the cold carpark, but as I said... Karma for being grumpy.
After my belly was full, I drove home to do round two of drugs and by jingo it was freezing out there! In fact I do believe it was close to freezing fog. All the cars in his carpark had a coat of frost over them, mine included and as I had also lost my glove at the same time as losing my keys, I was not a happy bunny... Ok I'll stop being a bitch already!
But driving home the fog was quite thick in places, so I was more than glad to get home to my warm bungalow.
Hopefully I'll be able to snuggle down under the covers and sleep will come and stay tonight.
Lots of love Debbie x
By 9pm I didn't want to talk to anyone and really needed 'me' time with a capital M where I was so tired. I wouldn't say my stats were very low, but my breathing really was quite unpleasant with anything and everything wearing me out.
I went to bed and fell into a lovely deep sleep, but unfortunately it only lasted about half an hour and I was wide awake again and this time sleep evaded me leaving me even more bad tempered. My last trip to the toilet which was done out of boredom, was about 3.20am and luckily this time I actually went off for a couple of hours before waking up again.
My first sight of me in the mirror was pretty grim. White as a sheet with big dark circles around the eyes, a good look for Halloween, but not one for a Monday morning, thank goodness I wasn't still at work.
So this morning's tasks were executed very slowly indeed until my colour came back to me. I switched on the washing machine and then went back to sleep for an hour. I sat in bed doing my drugs before putting out my washing and then I had a bath which I fell asleep in.
It was one of those mornings which wasn't helped by the fact I had let my fridge run down as I was out Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday lunch at my sisters. So eating a cupcake is not a healthy choice as far as breakfasts go, but as it was 11am before I actually got my act together, I suppose it could be classed as an elevenses?
Still from lunchtime onwards was ok as I spent that food shopping, cooking mother's dinner and then rehab and yes I whipped those OAP suckers arses! Well before I start crowing too loudly, I did my walk outside in the exercise yard and it was too cold out there for them, so they were probably speeding about in the warm hall. One of the old girls kept giving me dagger looks every time I threw the ball at her, so perhaps not all my aggression had disappeared, but she still spoke to me, so I couldn't have been that bad.
And after that my youngest son looked after me and cooked a rather wholesome casserole round his for us both. I was unfortunately late though, as I stopped off to get a dessert and promptly lost my car keys getting into the car. Payback Karma obviously for throwing the ball too hard at the old girl and for being a grump last night. Just as I was about to cry and ring Oliver to get him to drive back to mine and get the spare set, I found them in my shopping bag. I swear they fell on the floor otherwise I wouldn't have been kneeling on the cold carpark, but as I said... Karma for being grumpy.
After my belly was full, I drove home to do round two of drugs and by jingo it was freezing out there! In fact I do believe it was close to freezing fog. All the cars in his carpark had a coat of frost over them, mine included and as I had also lost my glove at the same time as losing my keys, I was not a happy bunny... Ok I'll stop being a bitch already!
But driving home the fog was quite thick in places, so I was more than glad to get home to my warm bungalow.
Hopefully I'll be able to snuggle down under the covers and sleep will come and stay tonight.
Lots of love Debbie x
Sunday 14 November 2010
A whole lot of loving going on
I had busy and lovely weekend, which I prepared for by resting up and not overdoing it in the days ahead, especially as I felt run down before the weekend even got here.
I had a treat on Friday with Stella coming over and going through the bungalow for me on a cleaning frenzy. The plaster dust from having the bathroom walls treated, is still finding it's way all over my bungalow and so far the floors still keep turning white ad washing them really wears me out. Plus bless her she always brings me her homemade cakes... Mmmm.
It was also Ann's birthday, so us girlies went out to the Turkish Restaurant in Braintree that evening which is a favourite for all of us. We all adore Turkey and until I get my transplant, this is the nearest I will get to going back. Just walking up the path to the restaurant and smelling the very definite smells of BBQ lamb mixed with their herbs and spices transports back to very happier days spent in Hisaruno. It's a very basic restaurant, but it is just how it should be, no airs and graces, just really good food.
So after a huge meat feast, I went home to my very clean bungalow and went off to sleep ready for tomorrows wedding.
The wedding was gorgeous and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The venue was in an area that I had forgotten existed, in fact I didn't realise that there were so many villages all next to each other with Roding in the title. In fact it was a bit like driving through an episode of 'Midsummer Murders!'
We were exceptionally lucky with the weather, as it had been foul all week and although it was bitingly cold, the rain stayed off and everyone were able to take outside photos of the beautiful bride and groom. We were warmed up with good food, good company and the feeling of love going around.
I love watching people and it never fails to warm my soul to watch couples in love. Obviously the happy couple who radiate love, had enough for the everyone in the room to feel loved too, but the love in the speeches from the groom and his two brothers for each other and their dad reduced me to tears.
Watching the older folk holding hands to help each other when walking on uncertain ground and the people who reckon they are past all that lovely dovey nonsense, but when they give their partners a look, you know that they are there for each other and still love each other dearly. Then you have my two friends that even though she calls him a 'baldy old git', it was him who was lovingly rubbing her back as she threw up at the side of the road and not through drink I hasten to add. And although I have no one in my life that I can call my own, I have lots of friends that love me and I them and that is what gets me through all sorts of times and gives me hope.
And one of the highlights for me, was I danced a whole dance. Ok I wanted to pass out afterwards, but for 5mins, I remebered what it felt like to be normal and it was grand. Thank you Robin who was once again my dance partner!
So anyone who spoke to me today and thought that I was a miserable old sod, please excuse me as I am really tired, in fact today was an effort to do anything. So time for bed.
Lots of love Debbie x
I had a treat on Friday with Stella coming over and going through the bungalow for me on a cleaning frenzy. The plaster dust from having the bathroom walls treated, is still finding it's way all over my bungalow and so far the floors still keep turning white ad washing them really wears me out. Plus bless her she always brings me her homemade cakes... Mmmm.
It was also Ann's birthday, so us girlies went out to the Turkish Restaurant in Braintree that evening which is a favourite for all of us. We all adore Turkey and until I get my transplant, this is the nearest I will get to going back. Just walking up the path to the restaurant and smelling the very definite smells of BBQ lamb mixed with their herbs and spices transports back to very happier days spent in Hisaruno. It's a very basic restaurant, but it is just how it should be, no airs and graces, just really good food.
So after a huge meat feast, I went home to my very clean bungalow and went off to sleep ready for tomorrows wedding.
The wedding was gorgeous and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The venue was in an area that I had forgotten existed, in fact I didn't realise that there were so many villages all next to each other with Roding in the title. In fact it was a bit like driving through an episode of 'Midsummer Murders!'
We were exceptionally lucky with the weather, as it had been foul all week and although it was bitingly cold, the rain stayed off and everyone were able to take outside photos of the beautiful bride and groom. We were warmed up with good food, good company and the feeling of love going around.
I love watching people and it never fails to warm my soul to watch couples in love. Obviously the happy couple who radiate love, had enough for the everyone in the room to feel loved too, but the love in the speeches from the groom and his two brothers for each other and their dad reduced me to tears.
Watching the older folk holding hands to help each other when walking on uncertain ground and the people who reckon they are past all that lovely dovey nonsense, but when they give their partners a look, you know that they are there for each other and still love each other dearly. Then you have my two friends that even though she calls him a 'baldy old git', it was him who was lovingly rubbing her back as she threw up at the side of the road and not through drink I hasten to add. And although I have no one in my life that I can call my own, I have lots of friends that love me and I them and that is what gets me through all sorts of times and gives me hope.
And one of the highlights for me, was I danced a whole dance. Ok I wanted to pass out afterwards, but for 5mins, I remebered what it felt like to be normal and it was grand. Thank you Robin who was once again my dance partner!
So anyone who spoke to me today and thought that I was a miserable old sod, please excuse me as I am really tired, in fact today was an effort to do anything. So time for bed.
Lots of love Debbie x
Thursday 11 November 2010
Winter is here
I thought there was something missing yesterday... my normal shoulder and neck aches... yay Ann's massage really helped this time. Apparently Sadie says where with me breathing in is so laboured, my neck muscles have shrunk. Question... Why couldn't it be my stomach muscles instead????
Looked at my new 'Boyfriend' jeans hanging on the clothes horse and on a size 10 I'm sure they look dead cute. On my size 16, they look like my 'boyfriend' is probably a 80 year old grandad who still works in the fields!
God I hope I still fit in my dress that I brought for the wedding on Saturday, still at least I have a matching coat to keep me covered up. If the dress is tight then that baby is staying on over the dress however hot it is in the building!
It is definitely winter out there at the moment. Wind blowing a gale and rain lashing it down. I really wasn't over keen on getting up this morning and from under my duvet I thanked my lucky stars that I didn't have to go to work. I really wouldn't have relished filling up my oxygen unit this morning in the ice cold rain. That is something that I won't miss about going to work, fiddle arsing around with that thing every morning.
It's the second night running that I've worn my gloves indoors until my hands warm up enough so I can take my stats on the docobo. I look like a mass murderer sitting there drinking a glass of wine while wearing black leather gloves.
My stats are all over the show at the moment and walking in this wind is pretty damn hard work too.
I hope my friend Barbara is alright today as like the heel that I am, I forgot it is the anniversary of her late husband and I know she still misses him very very much. To you Barbara, I love you very much and if ever someone deserved lots of happiness it is you xxx
Lots of love Debbie x
Looked at my new 'Boyfriend' jeans hanging on the clothes horse and on a size 10 I'm sure they look dead cute. On my size 16, they look like my 'boyfriend' is probably a 80 year old grandad who still works in the fields!
God I hope I still fit in my dress that I brought for the wedding on Saturday, still at least I have a matching coat to keep me covered up. If the dress is tight then that baby is staying on over the dress however hot it is in the building!
It is definitely winter out there at the moment. Wind blowing a gale and rain lashing it down. I really wasn't over keen on getting up this morning and from under my duvet I thanked my lucky stars that I didn't have to go to work. I really wouldn't have relished filling up my oxygen unit this morning in the ice cold rain. That is something that I won't miss about going to work, fiddle arsing around with that thing every morning.
It's the second night running that I've worn my gloves indoors until my hands warm up enough so I can take my stats on the docobo. I look like a mass murderer sitting there drinking a glass of wine while wearing black leather gloves.
My stats are all over the show at the moment and walking in this wind is pretty damn hard work too.
I hope my friend Barbara is alright today as like the heel that I am, I forgot it is the anniversary of her late husband and I know she still misses him very very much. To you Barbara, I love you very much and if ever someone deserved lots of happiness it is you xxx
Lots of love Debbie x
Wednesday 10 November 2010
Breakfast my lady...
Always a good start to the day when a friend comes bearing gifts and today was Julie bearing pecan danish pastries...Mmmm my favourites.
I think that's how all days should start with friends bringing you breakfast. The only good thing about being in hospital is that you get served breakfast, but the downside is it's always served at some hideous time in the early morning.
Not only did Julie serve breakfast, but she helped me change my sheets, which I have to admit when I do it myself leaves me needing a lie down straight afterwards, but I don't like to crumple the sheets! When I say Julie helped me that might be a slight exaggeration, as what I mean is I changed the pillow cases and then sat down accompanied by a lot of heavy breathing while she did all the work. But, I did do all my ironing after she left, so I did achieve something today.
Had my physio later on in the afternoon and admitted to Sadie that I wasn't feeling as perky as normal and she agreed by saying I looked knackered. I don't think that's a medical term, but it sums the situation up quite accurately! I actually look shite at the moment. Low stats, very breathless and feeling and looking very old!
Plus I couldn't be arsed to go out today, in fact I didn't want to go out today.... worrying.
When my mother said not to worry about coming over in the cold as my sister had been this morning, I didn't need telling twice, even though I feel happier if I've checked on her myself. I have this need to give her a kiss and a hug everyday, but I really didn't have the energy today to walk the short distance from my bungalow to hers.
So tomorrow yet another sample to go in for testing on Sadie's orders.
I had a lovely hot bath tonight and fell asleep in it, which actually made me feel a lot better. But why are my hands feeling so cold that I could easily wear gloves inside my house even when I've just got out the bath????
An early night me thinks, as I have a busy weekend with Ann's birthday meal and Ben and Becky's wedding. I want to be well for both of those dates. So nite nite folks, off to my nice clean bed for me!
Lots of love Debbie x
I think that's how all days should start with friends bringing you breakfast. The only good thing about being in hospital is that you get served breakfast, but the downside is it's always served at some hideous time in the early morning.
Not only did Julie serve breakfast, but she helped me change my sheets, which I have to admit when I do it myself leaves me needing a lie down straight afterwards, but I don't like to crumple the sheets! When I say Julie helped me that might be a slight exaggeration, as what I mean is I changed the pillow cases and then sat down accompanied by a lot of heavy breathing while she did all the work. But, I did do all my ironing after she left, so I did achieve something today.
Had my physio later on in the afternoon and admitted to Sadie that I wasn't feeling as perky as normal and she agreed by saying I looked knackered. I don't think that's a medical term, but it sums the situation up quite accurately! I actually look shite at the moment. Low stats, very breathless and feeling and looking very old!
Plus I couldn't be arsed to go out today, in fact I didn't want to go out today.... worrying.
When my mother said not to worry about coming over in the cold as my sister had been this morning, I didn't need telling twice, even though I feel happier if I've checked on her myself. I have this need to give her a kiss and a hug everyday, but I really didn't have the energy today to walk the short distance from my bungalow to hers.
So tomorrow yet another sample to go in for testing on Sadie's orders.
I had a lovely hot bath tonight and fell asleep in it, which actually made me feel a lot better. But why are my hands feeling so cold that I could easily wear gloves inside my house even when I've just got out the bath????
An early night me thinks, as I have a busy weekend with Ann's birthday meal and Ben and Becky's wedding. I want to be well for both of those dates. So nite nite folks, off to my nice clean bed for me!
Lots of love Debbie x
Tuesday 9 November 2010
More food anyone?
The painter arrived an hour early today and my blood pressure went into shock mode as I fell out of bed to beg them to give me 5mins, so I could throw on my jeans etc. Turned out that my dash to get dressed and have a pee in record time was all for nothing as the painter took one look at the new plaster and signed it off as not dry enough to paint yet!
Also he only had magnolia on the van and my bathroom is a pretty duck egg green/blue colour. He must have thought I was mad as he was trying to get me to agree on what shade was the nearest to my bathroom colour next to his colour chart. I insisted on either talking to him through tight lips or with my hand across my mouth while backing away from him all the time. The 5mins get dressed and pee time, didn't include time to clean my teeth and my mouth always feels like a bear's bum when I wake up in the morning!
I was beginning to slump after they had gone back to their depot to report why they couldn't paint. So I had a hot bath in my half completed bathroom to ease my aching shoulders and neck and to stop my frantically beating heart from trying to get out of my chest via my ears!
At least I didn't have plaster dust exfoliating my bum like I have ever since the plaster came last Friday, but I did rub on some 'Deep Heat' when I got out of the bath and dried myself.
Dear God, the heat on my neck was so intense that I thought it was on fire... so act two of me dashing around the bungalow followed, only this time to the vocal accompaniment of me swearing my head off, while trying to wipe the 'Deep Heat' off!
Later my friend called in to see me as she was off to see her doctor and I glad to say that she looked a lot better than when I had seen her last time. She is still tearful, but today only one tear escaped, so she is getting there however slowly. It's awful to think that work can give you a purpose in life and a confidence that you can achieve all sorts, but if the tide changes it can also rob you of your self esteem and shake the foundations that you stand on so very quickly.
I am thankful that I am away from all this mayhem at the moment.
But we had a lovely lunch and brought our fears out into the open, as that is the only way that you can deal with them, giving each other hug.
After she left, I picked up Reni from work and as she hadn't eaten, I ended up having another lunch with her at Prezzos otherwise she probably wouldn't make herself anything. Won't be wanting food tonight I shouldn't think. I felt like I was appearing in the Christmas episode of 'the Vicar of Dibley!'
So tonight I will go and have a massage on my neck and shoulders and see if she can't get them to sit where they are supposed to be and not up around my ears!
Lots of love Debbie x
Also he only had magnolia on the van and my bathroom is a pretty duck egg green/blue colour. He must have thought I was mad as he was trying to get me to agree on what shade was the nearest to my bathroom colour next to his colour chart. I insisted on either talking to him through tight lips or with my hand across my mouth while backing away from him all the time. The 5mins get dressed and pee time, didn't include time to clean my teeth and my mouth always feels like a bear's bum when I wake up in the morning!
I was beginning to slump after they had gone back to their depot to report why they couldn't paint. So I had a hot bath in my half completed bathroom to ease my aching shoulders and neck and to stop my frantically beating heart from trying to get out of my chest via my ears!
At least I didn't have plaster dust exfoliating my bum like I have ever since the plaster came last Friday, but I did rub on some 'Deep Heat' when I got out of the bath and dried myself.
Dear God, the heat on my neck was so intense that I thought it was on fire... so act two of me dashing around the bungalow followed, only this time to the vocal accompaniment of me swearing my head off, while trying to wipe the 'Deep Heat' off!
Later my friend called in to see me as she was off to see her doctor and I glad to say that she looked a lot better than when I had seen her last time. She is still tearful, but today only one tear escaped, so she is getting there however slowly. It's awful to think that work can give you a purpose in life and a confidence that you can achieve all sorts, but if the tide changes it can also rob you of your self esteem and shake the foundations that you stand on so very quickly.
I am thankful that I am away from all this mayhem at the moment.
But we had a lovely lunch and brought our fears out into the open, as that is the only way that you can deal with them, giving each other hug.
After she left, I picked up Reni from work and as she hadn't eaten, I ended up having another lunch with her at Prezzos otherwise she probably wouldn't make herself anything. Won't be wanting food tonight I shouldn't think. I felt like I was appearing in the Christmas episode of 'the Vicar of Dibley!'
So tonight I will go and have a massage on my neck and shoulders and see if she can't get them to sit where they are supposed to be and not up around my ears!
Lots of love Debbie x
Monday 8 November 2010
OAP v little old me
Well I remembered going to bed, but that's all I remember until this morning when I was woken up by the sound of a ambulance siren. I did wonder for a minute if I had died in my sleep and that they were coming for me!
I called mother to make sure they weren't coming for her and was rewarded by a very chirpy mother with a lot more energy than her clapped out daughter.
I then had a call from the Respiratory team who were a bit concerned about my stats and low blood pressure. I promised that I will chill out today and get checked over when I get to rehab this afternoon.
Looks like my blood pressure just goes very low through the night and my stats are just very low. So what's new! Was hoping that Ruth would say that I didn't have to do sit to stands etc as I've been feeling fatigued, but no such joy. I was even lapped by the 'Oldies' today while doing the 3min walk, how humiliating! But I did feel slightly better for the exercise, although my shoulders are now killing me from doing the side arm raises. You win some, you lose some!
Looks like I'm going to have to buy a fridge freezer quicker than I thought as I have dark water leaking from somewhere. Not sure where though, as the fridge inside is still ok and doing what it's suppose to do, but it is very old and I was going to replace it as soon as I got my retirement money. Lets hope it holds out that long, as I've heard nothing from HR at work as yet. There are quite a few things to replace or just to buy, but I am only too aware that I mustn't go on a spending spree. Hopefully that money will have to last me a long time if all goes well with the transplant, but it would be nice to put my signature on the bungalow.
I think it's time to go and have a long soak, as my shoulders and arms are seizing up well!
Lots of love Debbie x
I called mother to make sure they weren't coming for her and was rewarded by a very chirpy mother with a lot more energy than her clapped out daughter.
I then had a call from the Respiratory team who were a bit concerned about my stats and low blood pressure. I promised that I will chill out today and get checked over when I get to rehab this afternoon.
Looks like my blood pressure just goes very low through the night and my stats are just very low. So what's new! Was hoping that Ruth would say that I didn't have to do sit to stands etc as I've been feeling fatigued, but no such joy. I was even lapped by the 'Oldies' today while doing the 3min walk, how humiliating! But I did feel slightly better for the exercise, although my shoulders are now killing me from doing the side arm raises. You win some, you lose some!
Looks like I'm going to have to buy a fridge freezer quicker than I thought as I have dark water leaking from somewhere. Not sure where though, as the fridge inside is still ok and doing what it's suppose to do, but it is very old and I was going to replace it as soon as I got my retirement money. Lets hope it holds out that long, as I've heard nothing from HR at work as yet. There are quite a few things to replace or just to buy, but I am only too aware that I mustn't go on a spending spree. Hopefully that money will have to last me a long time if all goes well with the transplant, but it would be nice to put my signature on the bungalow.
I think it's time to go and have a long soak, as my shoulders and arms are seizing up well!
Lots of love Debbie x
Sunday 7 November 2010
After the giggles cometh the fridge freezer
I am so tired that I am even too tired to cry!
I have had a fab overnight stay away with the girls from work at an oldie worldly charm hotel in Ipswich and I do declare that at one stage in the evening we were the noisiest and if not the noisiest than the ones having the most fun.
It was rather like a military operation getting all my medical equipment into the car and then out again at the other end and into my hotel room, but we survived and mine and Sam's boudoir from the night was 'simply gorgeous darling!'
We tried out the hotel's facilities as soon as we arrived and we swam, steamed and dry cleaned ourselves in the hotel spa, followed by afternoon tea before going on to the main reason for our visit... the Murder Mystery night.
We dressed up in our posh frocks and high heels, ok I don't feel safe wearing high heels so for me it was leopard skin pumps and tried to solve the crime as we ate our ways through our dinners and Sally photographed us at every step.
It was all jolly good fun and we screeched with laughter when Sue got up on the stage and sung a song about 'the baby who got washed down the drain pipe' to a bemused smattering of leftover dinners, as she performed her truth or dare as we had resorted to playing after the 'murderer' was on his way home.
Once we were ousted from the dining room so they could set it up for the next day, we went off to the bar and played more games and drank more liquid nectar until we were ousted out again.
Come 2am, Sam and myself finally turned off our bedroom lights after catching up all everything happening to us both in our grown up sleep over.
Needless to say, we didn't go swimming the next morning as planned!
And good luck for me was a thoughtful Julie who showed up with a bowl full of sausage casserole for my evening meal and coercing me into a lovely hot bubble bath before I was reduced into a weeping wreck. Thank God for friends and family that know when to help and when to take charge.
Now I can go to my bed and hopefully sleep my blood pressure and stats both back up to normal and be ready to fight another day.
To Julie and all my friends and to Oliver and Reni... I love you very much.
Lots of love Debbie x
I have had a fab overnight stay away with the girls from work at an oldie worldly charm hotel in Ipswich and I do declare that at one stage in the evening we were the noisiest and if not the noisiest than the ones having the most fun.
It was rather like a military operation getting all my medical equipment into the car and then out again at the other end and into my hotel room, but we survived and mine and Sam's boudoir from the night was 'simply gorgeous darling!'
We tried out the hotel's facilities as soon as we arrived and we swam, steamed and dry cleaned ourselves in the hotel spa, followed by afternoon tea before going on to the main reason for our visit... the Murder Mystery night.
We dressed up in our posh frocks and high heels, ok I don't feel safe wearing high heels so for me it was leopard skin pumps and tried to solve the crime as we ate our ways through our dinners and Sally photographed us at every step.
It was all jolly good fun and we screeched with laughter when Sue got up on the stage and sung a song about 'the baby who got washed down the drain pipe' to a bemused smattering of leftover dinners, as she performed her truth or dare as we had resorted to playing after the 'murderer' was on his way home.
Once we were ousted from the dining room so they could set it up for the next day, we went off to the bar and played more games and drank more liquid nectar until we were ousted out again.
Come 2am, Sam and myself finally turned off our bedroom lights after catching up all everything happening to us both in our grown up sleep over.
Needless to say, we didn't go swimming the next morning as planned!
I returned home in desperate need of a nap, but was hurtled into sorting out the delivery of mother's new fridge freezer which alas turned out was just too tall for the gap. I had to sort out her cupboards as the delivery men had to put the fridge in front of one of them until Julie's lovely husband comes and does his magic and we can get the malefactor object called a fridge into the glaring empty gap. Plus while doing sorting all this, mother was annoyed that I had thrown out her new creme caramels that had been out of the fridge for four hours and were far too warm for comfort and there was a lot of head hanging. To make matters more stressful I was then told that she had fell over in the kitchen while I was away at the hotel and was made to feel a real heel, all because I was arguing about my insistence on throwing away out of date food etc from cupboards. Food that dated back to 2006!
My mother can reduce me to tears very easily, but I was too tired to do so and an outing to the shops to get her some more cream caramels and then cooking her a meal of liver and bacon, left me feeling like a wet dishcloth that had been wrung out and left to dry. Luckily Oliver and Reni came to my rescue and helped me sort out her kitchen and Oliver pacified my mother with his charm.And good luck for me was a thoughtful Julie who showed up with a bowl full of sausage casserole for my evening meal and coercing me into a lovely hot bubble bath before I was reduced into a weeping wreck. Thank God for friends and family that know when to help and when to take charge.
Now I can go to my bed and hopefully sleep my blood pressure and stats both back up to normal and be ready to fight another day.
To Julie and all my friends and to Oliver and Reni... I love you very much.
Lots of love Debbie x
Thursday 4 November 2010
I am the youngest of the family
After the fiasco of mother's fridge freezer breaking down and trying to sort out the contents which by now were very soggy and were obviously the reason for her last upset stomach... Mother forgets that food coming out the freezer should be hard and this is one of the reasons I cook for her every night, apart from the other night after I had taken her out to Maldon...
I feel aggrieved.
Not because I have eaten any of the melted feast, but because even though I am there everyday of mother's life and have been for the last six or seven years and taken her out every Sunday for the last ten years, my opinion is still doubted when it comes to something like this. Even now with me making her evening meal every night, caring for her when she's sick, running her where ever she wants to go, taking her out so she has some sort of a social life and getting every problem sorted out from cutting the grass to buying new freezers, when it comes down to it, my sister's judgement is the one she trusts, all because I am the youngest.
This was all over the fact mother had dragged the contents of the freezer back out the dustbin after deciding to make a claim and I had said it wasn't worth it for twenty quid. Mother was not amused and said that she would discuss it with my elder sister.
Bless her she will waste pounds on cakes and garden bulbs from Holland and other far flung places... my mother gets a lot of junk mail and try as I might, she hangs on to it and orders all sorts of crap... but when it comes to something like this the problems start!
I feel hurt. I shouldn't be as I know my mother far too well as she hates to throw anything away, but I can't help but I do feel hurt. I feel that I never get taken seriously by my family and that I will always be the youngest so there for... ignored, or at least my opinion.
Luckily I was whisked away by my friends to a hen night for Julie's youngest step-son's fiance at the 'Comedy Club' in Chelmsford. It was fun to be able to laugh out loud and good to dress up girlie to feel normal again, I actually got some smiles from the gents behind our table... until I had to wear my oxygen and then I turned into a pumpkin. I felt like shrinking into the curtains, I was just thankful it was dark in there while the acts were on.
I was worried that I might get a few Darth Vadar jokes thrown at me, but luckily we were far enough away from the firing range and I doubt they would have risked it in case I fell on the table sobbing or sued them or in my case of being Ms Angry, chinned them with my oxygen unit!
Today I have more men then I can shake a stick at, as the workmen have come to fix the damp in the bathroom. It turned out to be a bigger job than first thought as apparently I have a leak under my bath... Mmm no wonder it always smelt damp in there. So I am on tea duty until I have to go to rehab and then I'll leave them to it. I can't drink too much tea as I'll need to keep peeing and they are not too happy when I have to stop them to use the bathroom... Oh happy days!
Lots of love Debbie x
I feel aggrieved.
Not because I have eaten any of the melted feast, but because even though I am there everyday of mother's life and have been for the last six or seven years and taken her out every Sunday for the last ten years, my opinion is still doubted when it comes to something like this. Even now with me making her evening meal every night, caring for her when she's sick, running her where ever she wants to go, taking her out so she has some sort of a social life and getting every problem sorted out from cutting the grass to buying new freezers, when it comes down to it, my sister's judgement is the one she trusts, all because I am the youngest.
This was all over the fact mother had dragged the contents of the freezer back out the dustbin after deciding to make a claim and I had said it wasn't worth it for twenty quid. Mother was not amused and said that she would discuss it with my elder sister.
Bless her she will waste pounds on cakes and garden bulbs from Holland and other far flung places... my mother gets a lot of junk mail and try as I might, she hangs on to it and orders all sorts of crap... but when it comes to something like this the problems start!
I feel hurt. I shouldn't be as I know my mother far too well as she hates to throw anything away, but I can't help but I do feel hurt. I feel that I never get taken seriously by my family and that I will always be the youngest so there for... ignored, or at least my opinion.
Luckily I was whisked away by my friends to a hen night for Julie's youngest step-son's fiance at the 'Comedy Club' in Chelmsford. It was fun to be able to laugh out loud and good to dress up girlie to feel normal again, I actually got some smiles from the gents behind our table... until I had to wear my oxygen and then I turned into a pumpkin. I felt like shrinking into the curtains, I was just thankful it was dark in there while the acts were on.
I was worried that I might get a few Darth Vadar jokes thrown at me, but luckily we were far enough away from the firing range and I doubt they would have risked it in case I fell on the table sobbing or sued them or in my case of being Ms Angry, chinned them with my oxygen unit!
Today I have more men then I can shake a stick at, as the workmen have come to fix the damp in the bathroom. It turned out to be a bigger job than first thought as apparently I have a leak under my bath... Mmm no wonder it always smelt damp in there. So I am on tea duty until I have to go to rehab and then I'll leave them to it. I can't drink too much tea as I'll need to keep peeing and they are not too happy when I have to stop them to use the bathroom... Oh happy days!
Lots of love Debbie x
Wednesday 3 November 2010
Real shopping v Internet shopping... Mmmm?
Went from being hot to cold and ack to hot most of last evening and until I finally dropped off to sleep. I guess it was down to some sort of virus or something equally horrid. Found since the clocks have gone back that I have turned into this hibernating bear. I'd love to say bunny, but I feel with my grumpy moods of just late, a bear is far more in keeping with me! Anyway come about 4pm, I get quite dozy and have to fight the urge to fall asleep.
Did a catch up day on little tasks around the house and a bit of window shopping ready for when I get my pension and lump sum. Not that it will be a lot mind you, but enough to buy some much needed updates around the bungalow.
1. a fridge freezer, as Ruth has suggested that it's a good idea for those who live alone to have a store of ready meals and I can't keep relying on the goodwill of my friends and family especially as I get weaker.
2. a new mattress, as springs were beginning to poke in my back until Oliver kindly gave me their memory foam topper. I'd love to say my mattress was killed in action, but that would be stretching the truth some what!
3. a food processor, but I think Jean has that for an idea as a leaving present from work.
4. a new kettle
5. new bedroom curtains as mine are cast offs from my mother.
But who knows I might have the 60min make over team come to play in my bungalow, but knowing my luck it would be the dark haired woman who is even too abstract even for me and I would cry when I walked in! Never have been able to hide my feelings. So if anyone has an inkling to do this, French country chic in blue and white in my bedroom, Turkish charm in my hallway, retro in my kitchen and comfy and calm in my living room, in fact calm everywhere! No zebra stripes to be seen ok! And remember I cry at the drop of a hat just lately, so maybe not a wise move to have them round after all.
The man in the bed shop epitomized everything I hate about salesmen and that is you look at a reasonable mattress and they show you one for over £1,000 and when you say that they are having a laugh, they lose interest in you. No wonder so much is brought over the Internet, at least you don't have to deal with contemptible salesmen like him.
The tasks around the house were equally arduous, as I was on my hands and knees washing the kitchen floor while wearing my oxygen... something wrong with that picture really. But it has to be done and the leaning over, shaking backwards and forwards did dislodge some hard to move nasties in my lungs, so every cloud has a silver lining!
I do have a horrible taste in my mouth and sensation come smell in my nose at the moment, not sure what that is all about, will check with physio this week, guess all part of this mystery weekend virus?
Lots of love Debbie x
Did a catch up day on little tasks around the house and a bit of window shopping ready for when I get my pension and lump sum. Not that it will be a lot mind you, but enough to buy some much needed updates around the bungalow.
1. a fridge freezer, as Ruth has suggested that it's a good idea for those who live alone to have a store of ready meals and I can't keep relying on the goodwill of my friends and family especially as I get weaker.
2. a new mattress, as springs were beginning to poke in my back until Oliver kindly gave me their memory foam topper. I'd love to say my mattress was killed in action, but that would be stretching the truth some what!
3. a food processor, but I think Jean has that for an idea as a leaving present from work.
4. a new kettle
5. new bedroom curtains as mine are cast offs from my mother.
But who knows I might have the 60min make over team come to play in my bungalow, but knowing my luck it would be the dark haired woman who is even too abstract even for me and I would cry when I walked in! Never have been able to hide my feelings. So if anyone has an inkling to do this, French country chic in blue and white in my bedroom, Turkish charm in my hallway, retro in my kitchen and comfy and calm in my living room, in fact calm everywhere! No zebra stripes to be seen ok! And remember I cry at the drop of a hat just lately, so maybe not a wise move to have them round after all.
The man in the bed shop epitomized everything I hate about salesmen and that is you look at a reasonable mattress and they show you one for over £1,000 and when you say that they are having a laugh, they lose interest in you. No wonder so much is brought over the Internet, at least you don't have to deal with contemptible salesmen like him.
The tasks around the house were equally arduous, as I was on my hands and knees washing the kitchen floor while wearing my oxygen... something wrong with that picture really. But it has to be done and the leaning over, shaking backwards and forwards did dislodge some hard to move nasties in my lungs, so every cloud has a silver lining!
I do have a horrible taste in my mouth and sensation come smell in my nose at the moment, not sure what that is all about, will check with physio this week, guess all part of this mystery weekend virus?
Lots of love Debbie x
Tuesday 2 November 2010
Trolley Dolly in leisure pants!
Today I spent the morning browsing the Internet for a walker. I can't believe someone hasn't designed a fab one for girlies like me, because I have exhausted every site going and the jazziest one I could find was a bright blue one. Even the site where I found my Marilyn Monroe shopping trolley for transporting my first oxygen cylinder around has let me down. I feel there is a gap on the market here, so maybe I should go into designing walkers for the fabulous! After all as Barbara cheered me up by saying, I was about to become a 'Trolley Dolly', now I can handle being that... I love it!
Went out looking for pj bottoms, but unfortunately no luck. I did however relinquished any fashion values I had to a pair of velour leisure pants... unfortunately I hadn't realised they were for short legs, so now I look like an Essex girl reject!
Lovely and warm apart from the six inch gap between my slippers and their hem. Should I start wearing thongs and have them showing while my bum hangs out of my leisure pants and saying 'Shut up' after everything people say to you in a whiny voice!? Or maybe I should train the way I speak to go 'up' at the end of every sentence to make it sound like a question? Hell and they take the Michael out of me being a carrot cruncher! After watching that 'Essex' programme, I bet there will be quite a few others like me who say they live on the Suffolk borders!
Had my physio at the hospital today and really felt worn out when I returned home, so fell asleep on the sofa only to wake up in the pitch dark! Luckily it was where the clocks have gone back and not the fact I had slept well into the evening. Felt very odd tonight though, which was a shame as Jean had treated me to a belated birthday meal at the Compasses, my fav restaurant. I think it could have been the heat in the restaurant and the fact we were sitting near a radiator, as I came over all unnecessary and had to go to the bathroom twice in ten minutes just to cool down. Maybe whatever it was I had at the weekend hasn't quite left the building!
Lots of love Debbie x
Went out looking for pj bottoms, but unfortunately no luck. I did however relinquished any fashion values I had to a pair of velour leisure pants... unfortunately I hadn't realised they were for short legs, so now I look like an Essex girl reject!
Lovely and warm apart from the six inch gap between my slippers and their hem. Should I start wearing thongs and have them showing while my bum hangs out of my leisure pants and saying 'Shut up' after everything people say to you in a whiny voice!? Or maybe I should train the way I speak to go 'up' at the end of every sentence to make it sound like a question? Hell and they take the Michael out of me being a carrot cruncher! After watching that 'Essex' programme, I bet there will be quite a few others like me who say they live on the Suffolk borders!
Had my physio at the hospital today and really felt worn out when I returned home, so fell asleep on the sofa only to wake up in the pitch dark! Luckily it was where the clocks have gone back and not the fact I had slept well into the evening. Felt very odd tonight though, which was a shame as Jean had treated me to a belated birthday meal at the Compasses, my fav restaurant. I think it could have been the heat in the restaurant and the fact we were sitting near a radiator, as I came over all unnecessary and had to go to the bathroom twice in ten minutes just to cool down. Maybe whatever it was I had at the weekend hasn't quite left the building!
Lots of love Debbie x
Monday 1 November 2010
Flirting makes the world go round
Still a wee bit on the sluggish side today, but it's brighter outside and I'm feeling brighter too. Amazing what a little bit of sunshine does to the spirits... Ooo maybe I have SAD syndrome as well, nah as I love being snuggled up on the sofa with 'Midsummers Murders', a cup of tea and a bourbon biscuit on a gloomy day too!
But my mother has this idea that if I'm home and breathing, then we should be doing something! So I prepared and packed mother and myself some healthy fish salads and set off for 'our spot' on Maldon prom. Crowds had thinned out, but still plenty to watch from the comfort of my car and a riot of colour going on out there.
The boating lake is obviously the place to meet a man, as there was four of them with their remote controlled boats playing on the lake as well as two men crabbing. It was actually quite entertaining to watch, as there is definitely boat envy going on with them. You could almost hear them go 'Woo' as an old guy stepped up to the lake with a not one, but a three masted sailing boat and lovingly handmade over the last two years no doubt. And bugger me, if my mother wasn't waving and smiling at them all... the floozy! God I hope she doesn't want me to go on a double date with her!
I was very relieved that for once that I had to go to rehab and before my mother was branded a scarlet woman, I set off home.
Rehab was ok, not as packed as it has been and there was a new lady that was nearer my age than all of the others. They are all very sweet, but it's beneficial for me to have someone that I can chat to otherwise I drag my heels at going each time.
My mother wanted to come with me today, but no doubt if she did, she'd be chatting the men up there too! God I can imagine it... walking sticks at twenty paces by the wives that tag along. Still the act of flirting puts roses in her cheeks and I must admit I do take after her... just a little bit of course.
Lots of love Debbie x
But my mother has this idea that if I'm home and breathing, then we should be doing something! So I prepared and packed mother and myself some healthy fish salads and set off for 'our spot' on Maldon prom. Crowds had thinned out, but still plenty to watch from the comfort of my car and a riot of colour going on out there.
The boating lake is obviously the place to meet a man, as there was four of them with their remote controlled boats playing on the lake as well as two men crabbing. It was actually quite entertaining to watch, as there is definitely boat envy going on with them. You could almost hear them go 'Woo' as an old guy stepped up to the lake with a not one, but a three masted sailing boat and lovingly handmade over the last two years no doubt. And bugger me, if my mother wasn't waving and smiling at them all... the floozy! God I hope she doesn't want me to go on a double date with her!
I was very relieved that for once that I had to go to rehab and before my mother was branded a scarlet woman, I set off home.
Rehab was ok, not as packed as it has been and there was a new lady that was nearer my age than all of the others. They are all very sweet, but it's beneficial for me to have someone that I can chat to otherwise I drag my heels at going each time.
My mother wanted to come with me today, but no doubt if she did, she'd be chatting the men up there too! God I can imagine it... walking sticks at twenty paces by the wives that tag along. Still the act of flirting puts roses in her cheeks and I must admit I do take after her... just a little bit of course.
Lots of love Debbie x
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