There is something in being prepared in life and there again there's great reasons for just winging it, because for me being prepared today would have meant not getting out of my bed.
I had forgotten that I had a hospital appointment today anyway until I looked at my diary to check when was my niece's birthday late last night, so then panic texting to my boss to tell her I'd be late in. So no time to worry then, but the drive into the hospital in the morning I felt really sick. What happens if he says no to me going to Cyprus? What happens if he decides I have to go into hospital before my cruise... oh bugger, bugger.
Wasn't quite expecting what he did say though.
Transplant to be brought forward. Double lung and heart and tummy tuck... no that's just me being hopeful! But definitely heart and lungs and soon. Although I'm not deteriorating rapidly, I'm not showing any signs of improvement and that's with the overnight oxygen. I'm still having headaches and still finding it hard to get going and the new added bonus, I'm turning blue. Fingers and toes mainly. I asked if we could hold fire until after my holidays and his reply was with a smile, 'of course, but you won't mind is I get busy with enquiries now' and I knew that wasn't a question needing my approval.
We joked about what happens if I get a horrible person's heart and he laughed saying he was a ma of science, but he knew that I'd just remain 'bloody minded'. He talked me through what would happen now and we laughed and joked, 'see you in Oct and he'll get the tests arranged etc.' 'Have a good summer, get strong, don't worry, any problems get straight in touch etc.'
I got into my car and howled my eyes out. Bless my Julie for being on the other end of a phone when I need her to talk me down to earth again.
Got to work and couldn't even hold a cup of tea... Whoah the whole scary picture hit me like the waves on Oludeniz beach on a September afternoon, only this time it will be more than our bikini tops that we'll be losing. Thank God for my lovely Sam and my brilliant workmates who gave me much needed cuddles, cups of tea, chocolate and a bouquet of beautiful roses. More than that, when they say they will be there for me, I know they mean it and that's a good feeling.
Have a shitty headache now that maybe cured by a glass of pimms, so goodnight folks.
lots of love Debbie x
About Me
- Me...Debbie Burden... or known as Burders
- I'll be 55 this August... I've had bronchiectasis for ten years plus this year... End stage lung disease for the past year...been on oxygen for three years... and have I got used to it yet?... nah! I am now waiting for the biggie; a double lung and maybe a heart transplant. I love my life weirdly enough, because I have some wonderful family and friends who are with me every step of the way on my adventures, even though I embarrass them on a daily basis with my unorthodox way of looking at life. Not for the faint hearted!
No comments:
Post a Comment