Two shadows

A hard day today.

Started with an ex departmental friend coming in to see us. When I asked how she was as I knew she had been suffering with her asthma, she told me that she had been diagnosed as having bronchiectasis. When I told her that is what I have, her smile fell, she froze and there was a momentary shadow of fear across her face as she knows that I'm on oxygen etc.
I explained that it didn't happen like that in all cases, just unfortunately I was a severe case, but it didn't have to be all doom and gloom. We laughed about silly thinks that had happened to us both.
She went off smiling, but you could see I hadn't improved her day in anyway.

My day got worse when I read my emails. I had an email from my friend's wife from rehab to say that he had passed away last month. We had started rehab together and between them they made it less scary for me and in the end it was great fun, so I looked forward to going there. I think he had pulmonary fibrosis, which is a disease that takes no prisoners. He had fought it by surviving longer than most and in that summer at rehab had touched my life and heart. The three of us had giggled and took the pee out of each other twice a week and ganged up against the physios, mostly behind their backs, because we were too scared of them to do it to their faces. We didn't moan and gave every exercise our best, although there were those that were never happier than when complaining about their lot in life.
There was a shadow of fear across my face then as it makes you contemplate your own mortality and you silence sending yourself up for a couple of minutes to let a few tears fall for a dear friend, his wife and yours truly, as you admit to yourself that you are scared too. Then that moment passes and it's business as usual.

Lots of love my dear friends. God bless. Debbie x