Pep talk time

Ugh... I returned back to work today and somehow work hasn't returned back to me. I fell straight back into the swing of things ok, after all I was only off two weeks no longer than a holiday, but the place just didn't fill me with the normal buzz that I get when I go into work. Perhaps it was because Sam was still on leave, I don't know or maybe my heart just isn't in it anymore. I think that is probably more like it. There have been too many changes in my life just lately and the ones at work are maybe one too many.

I sat and chatted to Kevin who was acting as my runner this afternoon in Sam's absence. He has had a kidney transplant. I told him that I was fed up of being angry and a nag when I spoke, moaning about this, that and the other. And how I had promised myself that I wasn't going to be that person anymore or at least to try and make great strides at attempting not to be. I laughed and said my anger management wasn't working as today as soon as I the lift doors opened into my office, my calm left me and went off back downstairs in the lift!

Kevin very sweetly said that I didn't need anger management as I knew exactly why I was angry and I had every right to be. If people can't deal with it, then tough. And actually he is right. It's bad enough that I have got this disease, and bad enough that one day the very essence of me is going to be taken away from me and I will have someone else's essence inside me instead, but I have to deal with stops and starts too. To worry that I might upset someone by saying the truth that maybe, they are to blame themselves for a lot of their problems or their driving does leave a lot to be desired, is down to them not me! Why should I worry that I might upset them by saying the truth. A lot to think about. Obliviously best not to be as blatant as that, just got to find that happy medium I guess.
What is it they say? Be happy with what you can change and don't stress about what you can't. Or something like that.

Tomorrow is another day and I know I say that most days, but they can't all be crap ones! For the moment I do still see the best in a situation and the best in people, even if they do make it hard sometimes and I don't want that to slip away from me. I know I am brash most of the time, but there is still the childish naivety that things will be alright.

Lots of love Debbie x