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I'll be 55 this August... I've had bronchiectasis for ten years plus this year... End stage lung disease for the past year...been on oxygen for three years... and have I got used to it yet?... nah! I am now waiting for the biggie; a double lung and maybe a heart transplant. I love my life weirdly enough, because I have some wonderful family and friends who are with me every step of the way on my adventures, even though I embarrass them on a daily basis with my unorthodox way of looking at life. Not for the faint hearted!

Wednesday 11 August 2010

Questions

Hell, I think the doctor was right; that I am depressed. I sat on the bed this morning really not wanting to go to work at all and felt quite tearful that I had to go.
We have been told at work that there are lots of changes ahead for this new year what with new bosses etc and quite frankly, I don't think I have it in me any more to be up for the challenges.
I have faced so many challenges in the last few years and I'm not looking for sympathy, but for every one I faced head on, there was always another one that I crumpled me. I know I have a lot more to come in my life and maybe I should be saving my efforts for my health and not league tables? I am bloody good at what I do at work, but maybe it's not enough anymore?
I felt better once I got to work I admit, but that niggle is still at the back of my mind; Have I reached the end of my usefulness or will I be more of a hindrance in the university's big vision? I think it is time to think about my options.

Still it was lovely to see my baby back from Florida and he has a bit of a colour on him too. I really had missed his smiley face and his wisdom. They very kindly brought me a bottle of my favourite perfume for my birthday. Sally, bless her give me what was left of hers about a month ago when she got her new one on the plane home from Australia, but I can spray liberally everyday now with my own!

Lots of love Debbie x

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