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I'll be 55 this August... I've had bronchiectasis for ten years plus this year... End stage lung disease for the past year...been on oxygen for three years... and have I got used to it yet?... nah! I am now waiting for the biggie; a double lung and maybe a heart transplant. I love my life weirdly enough, because I have some wonderful family and friends who are with me every step of the way on my adventures, even though I embarrass them on a daily basis with my unorthodox way of looking at life. Not for the faint hearted!

Thursday, 3 June 2010

Angels and Demons

Been to the cinema three times this week since Sunday (twice to see Sex and the City2). I have a feeling I'm going to turn into Gollum if I'm not careful with all this sitting in the dark.
Mind you, feel better though... as the girls in Sex and the City have wrinkles too now... Ooo there is god.

Got my prize money from my Cyprus holiday win and the portable oxygen concentrator arrives on Monday, so it's all feeling pretty damn real now. Plus mother has got the downers again so I must be going on holiday.
Really didn't know how to cheer her up tonight and I had to go in the end. I know this sounds awful and I'll beat myself up for ever if anything happens to her tonight, but I had to leave as I felt any spark of happiness being drained out of me tonight and I was quite excited when I got there and had lots to tell her. I tried to chat to her, I made her tea, got tomorrows dinner ready, brought her magazines and promised her that I'd plant her bulbs Saturday while she's having her nails done and take her out Sunday to Maldon, but she had to smile first. I got a glimmer of a smile, but felt a real heel as I walked out the door. Back to wearing my hair shirt.

The reason I was excited was my new daughter-in-law to be gave me a private showing of her in her wedding dress tonight and she looked beautiful. She is such a natural beauty even with a cold sore on her top lip! She looked like a real angel. Still mother can see her for herself soon and that will make her smile and my mother has the most beautiful smile in the world.

Lots of love Debbie x

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