Whoah... what a bummer of a day. Even wearing my new bright orange top and shoes to brighten my mood failed to work, I really felt so down that even my spirit was dragging behind and didn't want to hang round with me.
I know that I had sussed why I was feeling weird yesterday, but I thought once I had sussed it, that the mood would pass... Wrong. I got about half a mile away from work and wanted to pull over and cry. I just felt like I couldn't breathe, which is nothing unusual I know given my condition. But it was more like I had left something very important behind and I didn't know where I'd left it and the result was me having a panic attack. I get dreams like that all the time, looking for something or trying to get somewhere important and can't. I do actually know what is behind it as I worked out the final piece that moment I was on that road and I know the dreams will never go away until I sort out a certain very important relationship in my life.
I admitted to Sam how I felt and a couple of other friends picked up on the fact that I was a bit helter skelter. Bless Sam, she did most the work today as my head was just all over the place. The last straw was when my fascinator for Oliver's wedding arrived and half the feathers were broken. I wanted to lock myself in the loo and bawl my eyes out... what a tart!
I had to leave early to go to the doctors before rehab as my arm is getting worse. It feels like a frozen shoulder, but the doctor agreed with Ruth that it was because I've been carrying my oxygen unit over one shoulder instead of wearing like a rucksack, that I have thrown the alignment out of my spine and that's affected the other shoulder. She also said I should try not to sleep on the dodgey side, but as I woke up with my oxygen tubes wrapped around my neck twice and lying on my shoulder that hurts, I stand no chance as that was me trying to sleep still on my back!
I did go to rehab afterwards and did my exercises even in this heat, although I didn't use that arm. I treated it to some freezing gel and for fours hours I've had no pain... bliss... Maybe if I sleep for a whole night then my mood will lift.
Fingers crossed hey.
Lots of love Debbie x
About Me
- Me...Debbie Burden... or known as Burders
- I'll be 55 this August... I've had bronchiectasis for ten years plus this year... End stage lung disease for the past year...been on oxygen for three years... and have I got used to it yet?... nah! I am now waiting for the biggie; a double lung and maybe a heart transplant. I love my life weirdly enough, because I have some wonderful family and friends who are with me every step of the way on my adventures, even though I embarrass them on a daily basis with my unorthodox way of looking at life. Not for the faint hearted!
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