Sweet and sour

A day of two sides.

Today I went to a rather graceful hotel deep in the countryside of Suffolk for a scrummy afternoon tea. I had a glimpse of how the other half live as a very proud employer showed me some of the downstairs bedrooms, one grandeur room which was £450 a night with it's own hot tub on it's secluded patio.
Although I thoroughly enjoyed my tea, I was happy enough to go home with lovely memories to my little bungalow. Of course I wouldn't say no to an overnight stay, but it would be hard to relax in a beautiful room like that once I was wired and tubed up. In my little bungalow I feel comfortable and safe.

I think Sadie's warning of getting a sample off asap was spot on, as this morning I was feeling very breathless, a little confused and by night time, my chest was getting bubbly, I was bringing up plenty and my back just under my shoulder blades was tender.
My stats were very low this morning and not a lot better come tonight, plus throw in an increased heart rate and I think I'm going to need help tomorrow.
Alas, I think I'm back on the old merry go round of fun and follicks, still it's been two whole months since the last one.

Julie reckons that I'm a bit vulnerable at the moment. After watching 'One born every minute' with tears running down my face and then watching 'Monroe' where a father had to switch off his young daughter's life support, but still manage to ask to talk to the donor team had me in floods, so I'm inclined to agree with her.
I think that programme really hit home that someone would be going through that very same scenario to enable me to have a full life again and how the hell do you say thank you for someones premature death so I can live? Excuse my french, but that's a bit of a head fuck.

One thing I have learned through this, is to enjoy everything you can everyday, to stop wanting that little bit more all the time and to say thank you for each day.
I wish I had learned that lesson years ago.

Lots of love Debbie x