A bit of a scary night last night. First of all I woke up about 3am feeling really quite grim and I realised that I wasn't attached to my oxygen concentrator yet again. Then at 5am I woke up again and to be honest I was lucky that I actually woke up at all as the oxygen tubing was wrapped around my neck not once, but twice and quite tightly too.
To say I felt sick and headachy was an understatement. Wrapping myself in knots while I'm sleeping is beginning to become quite fatiguing, as most mornings I wake up feeling more tired than when I went to bed in the first place.
In summers past I would get up really easily with the light mornings, but I dread to think what state I will be in come this winter's mornings. I have just a few things that could be worrying me (lucky me hey!) and they are obliviously having a major consequence on my waking hours. This morning I was quite rude to a member of staff who was talking loudly when I was trying to speak to a client on the phone and normally that is not me... I'm normally rude about them as they walk away!
Tomorrow I have to try and get myself together early enough to go to this away day at Cambridge for work. My big boss has given me permission to stay off if I can't do it, but I then feel I'm letting myself down if I don't try. I don't think I had to try hard to convince her that I was neurotic as I'm being getting myself in a state about this away day for ages. If I don't know the place that I'm going to, I don't feel safe anymore. I'm also panicking that I will make poor Jean late if I don't get to hers in time and I just know the traffic is going to be shit getting to Braintree, all the kids are going back to school for one thing. God maybe I do need the happy pills from the doctors???
I don't think anyone thinks I'm using my disability as a get out clause apart from me even though they all said that I was a 'jammy bugger' for being able to not go, but if I feel like I did this morning, the only place I'm going; is to the other side of my bed for another couple of hours sleep!
Wish me luck, because I will need it and so will everyone else if I'm a foul mood again.
Lots of love Debbie x
About Me
- Me...Debbie Burden... or known as Burders
- I'll be 55 this August... I've had bronchiectasis for ten years plus this year... End stage lung disease for the past year...been on oxygen for three years... and have I got used to it yet?... nah! I am now waiting for the biggie; a double lung and maybe a heart transplant. I love my life weirdly enough, because I have some wonderful family and friends who are with me every step of the way on my adventures, even though I embarrass them on a daily basis with my unorthodox way of looking at life. Not for the faint hearted!
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