I'm unsure of my own shadow today. You do something and then you think blimey was that a trick or should I have I really done that? Should I have pressed that button?
I seem to be questioning everything that I do today.
Last night in bed I kept reminiscing how I had saved up over £1000 last year for our cruise to the Canary Islands and how wonderful it felt to give Derek that sum in cash. I bet all these bankers that are receiving millions of pounds for their bonuses this year will never know that feeling of pure pride of saving for something by cutting back on other things to save. Eating baked beans on toast or egg on toast for variety, but watching that pile grow and then handing it over to pay for something that you never dreamed of in a million years that you would actually do. For me that dream was going on last years cruise on that most amazing ship.
Now I wonder whether I will ever be able to save for anything ever again and feel that pride?
Ok I can probably treat myself from my lump sum for another holiday, but then I will just feel concerned that the lump sum has got to last me and then doubt will then set in that should I really be spending it, because I could be eating baked beans full stop.
This is yet another thing that this sodden disease has taken away from me... the pride you get from earning and saving.
I got my email from HR to say that I am officially retired on the 26th Jan 2011, but all the questions that I had asked about my pension yesterday, drew a blank. I was just given a number of the LGP to call. Not very helpful, a bit like them washing their hands of me. What happened to the day courses that ARU used to lay on, so soon to be retired people could be advised on everything that was worrying them? As normal by the time it came to my turn it had all finished, but I guess that just managers on large sums of cash went on them, not the likes of me.
Still I have a lovely clean kitchen floor from scrubbing my anger away. Every cloud has a silver lining and all that crap. Yes I am a wee bit angry today.
Lots of love Debbie x
About Me
- Me...Debbie Burden... or known as Burders
- I'll be 55 this August... I've had bronchiectasis for ten years plus this year... End stage lung disease for the past year...been on oxygen for three years... and have I got used to it yet?... nah! I am now waiting for the biggie; a double lung and maybe a heart transplant. I love my life weirdly enough, because I have some wonderful family and friends who are with me every step of the way on my adventures, even though I embarrass them on a daily basis with my unorthodox way of looking at life. Not for the faint hearted!
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