A fairly good night's sleep last night, which was a great relief. No evil smells coming up from under the bedclothes and no midnight coughing and choking.
Although I felt weird today.
Today is my last day in full time or part time paid employment and it feels horrible, like I'm sitting on top of a bridge with my legs dangling over the side. It's the feeling of not knowing how this going to end.
The only other time I have felt so out of control of my life was when I was just about to go bankrupt. I want to be able to support myself and I can't anymore and it feels awful like I have let myself down yet again and everyone who pays tax.
No doubt when the benefits are all sorted, then I will settle into a routine again like I did when my bankruptcy came through and I came back stronger then, but not till after spending a lot of nights crying into my cup of tea. But until then I have nothing to fall back on and I feel very vulnerable having to rely on my company getting their act together or whether the government will cut benefits again and again.
At rehab today, Sadie thought I was sounding a bit confused and she was right, but whether its this bloody infection taking it's toll on me or whether I'm hypoxic or my imminent passage in to the world of the unemployed, I don't know, but what I do know is I'll be glad when today is over and everything is settled.
Lots of love Debbie x
About Me
- Me...Debbie Burden... or known as Burders
- I'll be 55 this August... I've had bronchiectasis for ten years plus this year... End stage lung disease for the past year...been on oxygen for three years... and have I got used to it yet?... nah! I am now waiting for the biggie; a double lung and maybe a heart transplant. I love my life weirdly enough, because I have some wonderful family and friends who are with me every step of the way on my adventures, even though I embarrass them on a daily basis with my unorthodox way of looking at life. Not for the faint hearted!
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