The gloves are off

A complex day today which started with meeting the Village Agent regarding my mother and for once, I didn't feel like the little sister, but someone who knew what she was doing and someone that you should listen to.
As you know, I am not happy about mother going into a home until she is ready and quite frankly, she isn't ready yet and it would be the death of her if she did so now.
The Village Agent, who at first I actually had my doubts about how useful she would be, really put my mind at rest as she really knew her stuff.
She gave us very helpful advice and I was pleased that she confirmed a lot of what I had tried to tell my brother and sister last week. However much I love my sister, I do get the feeling that she tolerates me when I voice my opinion about something and thinks that I'm talking out of my bottom basically.
In their eyes, I'm still the little sister going off on CND marches or on another one of my 'fads'. Hard being the youngest at times.
But it looks like we might be able to get extra funding so that she can stay in her own bungalow with carers coming round and to get her assessed by Social Services to see if we can get other help too, until the time comes when she is a danger to herself and we have no option.
Thank you Village Agent, I will recommend you.

Tonight was a lovely evening spent at 'Grahams on the Green' in Writtle for our friend Kevin's surprise 50th birthday meal.
He had a harem of ladies there to wish him 'surprise!' and he was embarrassed, but really pleased, I'm happy to say.
The food was very yummy and the little voice in my head was shouting 'Remember you've got to lose a lb for tubby club next week!' So I did go for what I thought were the healthier options.
I couldn't help it that pudding was included and all of them were fattening!
I went for the roasted peach and I wasn't going to eat the little dollop of ice cream on the side, but as I hadn't had my daily allowance of milk, I'm hoping that it wasn't too bad a choice.
The banter was really good fun, mainly because Sam and me were back together and we can talk for England and giggle for the universe.
All was going well until right at the end. Someone mentioned that a friend at work had made a comment on Face book at not being invited to Jean's last week for my birthday do.
I knew about it as I had seen it and had replied tactfully both then and on FB that it had been a small do with people I had known for years, but she was more than welcome to come round as was the friend tonight, but it still really threw me.
This morning I was in control of the family situation as I was ready, but this took me totally unawares and it really stung.
I don't like hurting anyone and believe it or not, I find it hard to be rude or hurtful to anyone as I don't feel it's necessary as I can usually get my point across, but as I was driving home I was boiling over about it where it upset me and I thought of all the things that I should have said, so here it goes the flood gates are now open...

The nine people that were there on Friday were chosen because, yes it was a small affair and ten people was the limit, as being practical who has anymore chairs than that. But those nine people have worked with me and known me for years still coming round on a regular basis.
Those nine work colleagues have also supported me through the break up of my 29 year marriage... my actual divorce itself... the pain of when my young nephew broke his neck in a freak car accident which left him as a quadriplegic... having to go to court with me when I was made bankrupt... offering to be my guarantor when I was looking for somewhere to live and no estate agent would touch me with a barge pole... covering for me at work when I had to go to the GUM clinic when the first person I fell for and slept with after my divorce, gave a 'gift' that kept on giving and had to be frozen off... a painful family fallout... lending me a car for months when mine died... my numerous hospital stays... taking me to hospital appointments... caring for me at home when I have been too ill to do anything and basically picking me up again when I am falling down.
It's been a busy six years!
There are also brilliant friends such as my soul mate Julie, best friends Lynn, Ann and Barbara and a good friend Greta that have been there every step of the way and probably two steps ahead of me, as I am slow on the uptake at times! They have bathed me, cooked for me, listened to me crying hysterically, talked me out of committing suicide and various other jolly things.
But my point is, they weren't there either at the party, but arranged their own jolly with me as they want me to have as much fun as possible.
I want to do lots of things, but you can't always do it, but hopefully I don't spoil someone else's happiness with a throw away remark.
Maybe this friend didn't realise just how much that little remark on FB would hurt or even the comments in the restaurant, but hopefully they will think in future.
I deserve a good birthday, after all if things go tits up, this could be my last birthday... Now that is a statement!
There, I feel better now.

Lots of love Debbie x