A bit of a late one last night as I was watching the Big Brother Final on recorded TV as I had my friends around last night. Yes I know I am sad watching Big Brother, as quite a few of my friends have pointed this out to me over the years, but I love watching people and how they try to work each other.
As it was Ann's birthday, I said I'd cook a 'slimming world' steak pie for her as a treat. Not as fattening as it sounds as it was a filo pastry lid rather than made with the traditional short crust or puff pastry, but very rich and very tasty. Lynn brought over a weight watchers pudding, so all in all apart from her little carrot cake cupcake with a candle, I don't think she went off our diet too badly.
The rest of the day went off better than I thought really, as when I called Papworth to find out whether I had got the 2008 smear test results, they had but the lady couldn't tell me whether or not that the doctors would use those results or whether I would have to wait for the new tests to go through to them.
To say my heart sank was an under statement.
I can now see why they offer counselling, as all this does rather mess with your head somewhat. A while ago, I often used to have a dream where I was trying to get somewhere important and all the time people were stopping me to do a chore for them and before I could go very far I'd get stopped by someone else to do another task. Sometimes I couldn't open my eyes properly either, which was even more frustrating.
I haven't had this dream for a while now which is suprising, as this is what my life has felt like since the word transplant was mentioned. One last task after another one last task, so prehaps it was preparing me for this emotional roller coaster?
I know it sounds like I am whittering on and feeling sorry for myself, but quite frankly I just feel a little bit lost at the moment. I am so lucky that I have good friends and family that keep me as busy as I can be and believe me, I know life could be a whole lot worse, but I just want to shout at the moment, but I don't know who at or why.
Answers anyone?
Still my life could be even more confusing as I could be Aaron off of Big Brother, who got booed when he came out out the house after winning the show. Now that is confusing as they must have been voting for him to win right up to the last minute. I guess he will be having confusing nightmares for a long while too!
Lots of love Debbie x
About Me
- Me...Debbie Burden... or known as Burders
- I'll be 55 this August... I've had bronchiectasis for ten years plus this year... End stage lung disease for the past year...been on oxygen for three years... and have I got used to it yet?... nah! I am now waiting for the biggie; a double lung and maybe a heart transplant. I love my life weirdly enough, because I have some wonderful family and friends who are with me every step of the way on my adventures, even though I embarrass them on a daily basis with my unorthodox way of looking at life. Not for the faint hearted!
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