Blimey I must stop thinking

I am pleased to announce that I am officially a fully fledged Essex girl. Why? Because at the ripe old age of 55, I have brought my first ever velour tracksuit.
I wish to point out that I apologise to anyone that love to wear them normally, but they really aren't me, I'm more a fatigues or tapered trousers sort of girl. I have brought mine for medicinal reasons, as I thought it would be easy to wear in Papworth hospital post transplant.
I think I should have chosen a more uplifting colour rather than mink though, as I look washed out in it and that is me with a tan, let alone when I'm looking like death after the op.
I hasten to add that I will not be wearing trainers with it!
Actually I do have a pair of converse trainers, but they do happen to be covered in bright blue sparkly sequins. In truth I brought them for when I went on a cruise to Norway just in case I fell over board and my shoes would show up in the water, well that and the bright yellow mac that I also brought for the same reason.
Luckily for me, I didn't have the opportunity to try them out, but the girls never lost me on board the ship!

I'm doing lots of thinking at the moment and I know this sounds strange considering that I've just brought a tracksuit, but I realised properly for the first time, that I could be in trouble with my gas heating bill this winter.
Everyday you hear the horror stories on the news about Age Concern worrying about the old folk and young families worrying about paying their huge gas heating bills as the price of gas is escalating and as my back up money is already dwindling away, I've realised that I could be faced with a large bill and that's quite a sobering thought.
Now I've no longer got my working wage coming in, I'm having to manage on about three hundred pound less per month. I know I have some benefits coming in and my work pension, but everything seems to be going up weekly.
I have started sitting in my living room with a blanket wrapped around my legs and an extra jumper on. Yes I do have my heating on, but no longer constantly and not until I've got up. By this time of night, it is getting a wee bit chilly in here.
Also another wake up call was I know I have been dreaming of going on holiday to Turkey and another cruise after my transplant, but I'm now wondering is it really going to be a reality unless I can go back to work full time to pay from them? I'm not desolate by any means, but I want to pay for my funeral etc and that will take a big chunk of my savings.
Mind you I've already been told told that all benefits stop after the transplant, so I'm going to have to go back to work whatever happens!
Yesterday I was listening to a retired couple telling me about this holiday to Las Vegas and that holiday to the Caribbean on a cruise, plus all the others and I realised that if I had retired when I was supposed to, then yes I could have been that woman, but now I'm starting to wake up to the reality of my situation.
Goodness me, reality sucks!

So from now on, blanket and gloves to be worn at all times in the bungalow and no more illicit spending. Anyone that hasn't got a pressie for Christmas, will get an I.O.U!
Luckily I do have some pre paid treats coming up, so thank heavens for forward planning by me.
But not all bad news...I have now lost exactly one and a half stone. Two and a half pounds from my goal weight set by Papworth...Yay!

Lots of love Debbie x