Mmmm I am the thinker today

My new little shed is being christened in the poring rain right at this very moment. The rain is falling down like stair rods, but it is a nice feeling.
Standing by my back door, the air smells so fresh with added bonus of freshly mown grass. Earlier when I was standing thanking my brother-in-law Ed and my friend's husband Ken for all their hard work on my new shed, I could smell the lavender and the honeysuckle too in my garden. I wondered if that official on Thursday from the housing association realised just how thankful I was for my home here?

If I have achieved nothing else, I have achieved a lovely safe haven which I have put together and paid for on my own and that is a wonderful feeling after totally starting out again 5 years ago.
Obviously I have a lot help along the way mainly thanks to Derek with putting my buys together and who has been a wee bit worried that sometimes I haven't totally thought things through before I've brought them, but I've learnt along the way.
This week I have felt quite detached from the real world thanks to the latest infection and this blasted mixture of drugs, but as long as I am in my home I feel safe and content and that is worth it's weight in gold at the moment.

I had a long chat with my brother-in-law today while waiting for Ken to arrive about feelings. My nephew, his son, is quadriplegic after a freak car accident 8 years ago in November when he was just 19 years old.
We were talking about our lives changing because of accidents or illness and how at any age it was hard losing control. I now fully realise just how much my brother-in-law and my sister had lost control of their lives too that night of the accident. It's everyone who you love that have had their lives changed too in one way or another and have had to adapt, so I am really sorry to all my family and friends that put up with my mood swings and tears, having plans changed at the last moment or my neurosis behaviour when planning a trip even.
It's not just me who can't happily go care free to functions, but my family and friends too, as either they don't want to go if we are not all going or I might have to let them down at the last moment, so really trips turn into 'a will we won't' event.
This year has been one of waiting in limbo and once I know what is in store for me then I will go on holiday or whatever, but for the time being, I am so glad of my safe haven home.
But please let me express that my friends and family are my safe haven too and without their love, I would have gone under a long while ago.

Right, I'm getting slushy so lets change the subject quickly. I was suppose to go to an old 'close friend' if you get my drift, engagement party tonight, but I thought better of it in the end. We still do get on very well and over the years we have been a sounding board for each other when were seeing various people, but I had a sneaky feeling I wouldn't had been the only 'close friend' there tonight as he was well known in this village and I would hate to have joined the chorus line of Miss Havershams!
I can see the comical side of this, but I hate to have others thinking that I was there out of post 'friend' nostalgia. Blimey I shared a house with him and another mate for a while, so good luck to his fiancee, that's all I can say. But I really do wish them all the best and it's good to see that he has at last found happiness. Cheers hun!
A strange day of contemplating all in all.

Lots of love Debbie x