Oh what a lovely morning

Well I have exceeded even my realms of bad luck. This morning I think I topped whatever has happened to me in the last couple of months with bells on......
I shat myself in bed.

I was mortified. I had just thrown back my duvet and just about getting out of my bed to go to the toilet to do my ablutions as per normal and I coughed. I was so busy holding my ribcage, that I didn't realise that what I thought just was a morning passing of wind, was actually a fully blown follow through so to speak!
All over my clean sheets that Oliver so carefully changed for me yesterday. I had no pain or any inkling that I was going to do that at all. I had already been up to answer my 'docobo' with today's stats and was just back sitting crossed legged in my bed about to do my drugs.
I now know this was not an advisable position to sit in.

I don't know if any of you have ever had this happen to you, but my goodness poo does travel, mainly on the base sheet and on my bedroom rug where I then trod in it, so it then travelled across the hall way and through to the bath room. When I tried to remove my nightie, it went up my back and into my hair.
Good gawd it was only a little fart, had I been brewing this poo for ages????
Was it the rich lamb yesterday, or the couple rich dark truffles just before bedtime that were a present or was it my body getting rid of the last remains of the toxins from my drugs, that already had shown horrible side effects while treating my latest infection???

Whatever it was, I now had a major crisis on my hands which took me three hours and twenty two minutes to sort out, because I move at a snails pace.
The reason I have help changing the bed is because I can't do it anymore without nearly keeling over afterwards. But today I had to drag off the bottom sheet which was the only one other than my 'cool sleeper' mattress topper that got 'hit'.
The topper was dragged to the washing machine and washed straight away as that was only mildly marked, but the bottom sheet and my nightie had to be thoroughly rinsed out first, but not until I had been sluiced down too.
So while they were soaking after a good rinsing, I threw open all my windows as I was paranoid it would smell in my bungalow and threw out my poor old friend of a bedroom rug which I decided I couldn't even face trying to save.
After washing down the bathroom, hallway and kitchen floors, the oxygen tubing that drags across all the floor and all the worktops in case they had been contaminated on route, plus all door handles, my kitchen looked like Widow Twankey's launderette as I had to drag out of the washing machine my sheets from last night that I was about to wash this morning, I then decided I could dry my hair.
It was then that I sat and cried.

I was shattered, my oxygen levels had dropped and my heart rate was going like the clappers. My fingers and lips were blue, my head was pounding and my ribs hurt like hell, but I had succeeded and cleaned up my home to every inch of it's life.
I had achieved something, so I wasn't completely useless. It was deja vu of when I ironed my pillows cases on my pillows when I had that violent infection over this winter time. I felt like I was dying then and even had Ruth worried. But I still had my standards and ironed my pillowcases after my friend had changed my sheets into the set that I hadn't ironed. Even though I melted the allergy cases inside my pillowcases and had to buy new ones it was worth it. After all, what would the ambulance men say if they saw I didn't keep a tidy home huh?

Luckily I got all my washing dried before the rain came, Barbara came round with holiday brandy for me and Greta called round to put the topper mattress back on after she rang me lunchtime and I had told her my tale of lament.
Ann who had also popped round at the same time helped Greta and life has resumed to normal until the next episode from hell!
I am typing this with a glass of brandy in my hand for medicinal purposes only of course, but tonight I will go to bed with pants on just in case!

Lots of love Debbie x