A little bit of a rain check

Is it just me, but does it seem that when something major is happening in your life, that everywhere you turn you are reminded of it?
When my dad died, every book or magazine that I picked up to read or everything I watched on TV, even the comedies that normally had me laughing my head off, seemed to be about death.
Now it's all about transplants.
Every week for the last three, there has been a programme on about either kidney or heart transplants starting when I was in Papworth for my stay, but I wasn't brave enough to watch it then from my hospital bed on the spanking new LCD TV in my room.
Tonight though I gave it a go and yes my bottom lip did tremble quite a bit.

I know that they are trying to push the whole idea of more people signing up on the donor register, as there are not enough people out there doing so. And with the obesity rate going up, there will be more heart failure and a heart from an obese person won't be fit for man nor beast.
I'm on the donor register as there are plenty of bits of me that they can use apparently. I thought at first it would just be my skin, but the surgeon who will perform my transplant, said that wasn't the case.
I don't know what other people believe in, but I believe that my body is just a human shell that gets left behind and the vital spark from it goes on living. I honestly believe that my soul will be looked after.
After all if you don't believe in God or a higher being and that there is no such thing as a soul or that it's a sin not to go on without your body complete, then why not get yourself registered to donate your organs?
Is it just laziness? Or don't you want to do something really wonderful and give the gift of life to someone else? Or is it God forbid a case of 'well I'm alright Jack?'

When I sat watching the programme, the part that got to me was where the gent who had already been disappointed twice already where the donor heart wasn't any good, was laying there all on his own waiting for the verdict of whether they could use it or not.
The stress that poor man must have been under.
They said on the programme after the last time the transplant was called off, they were worried about the fact that he had retreated into his shell. I can understand him doing that, as I wanted to hide from the world the Saturday before going for my assessment.
Can you imagine the thoughts that were going through his head that his last memories if he should die, would be that of being in hospital for six weeks? At least I will be at home in my own surroundings if or when I get the call.
Then when the verdict for him was a yes and it was a green light to go, my heart went out to him as he was trying to calm himself down.
I was told that at Papworth, that they like to take their time prepping you, but sometimes when time is of the essence, it's all systems go and for not for the first time, I decided that I'd like the all systems go approach so I didn't have time to think.
In a very strange way, I'm glad that I sat and watched this programme even if it did make me cry, as not for the first time I had worried that I was too calm and matter of fact about this whole transplant procedure.
Also the young lad that was on the programme, echoed a lot of my feelings of that I didn't feel ill enough and that they'd think I was a fraud. Which is ridiculous for him and me saying that, as we are very ill and but I think we have just got used to feeling like it and moved on.
Perhaps both him and me will wake up one morning able to breathe like normal people and have no pain anywhere and have the energy to feel like whatever normal people feel... how lovely would that be?

So I do hope that these programmes help.
Please if you are not on the register, please think about it. Just type in donor in your web search and I assure you that if the time ever came, you'd never ever be forgotten on this earth especially by that person and their family for your wonderful gift of life.

Lots of love Debbie x