I have some humble pie please!

Today I have been eating a couple of servings of humble pie as yesterday I was a bad daughter yet again.
I didn't mean to be as the day had started off really well with me listening to an old Maurice Chevalier song about counting your blessings every morning when you wake up and I thought 'yep, it's about time I started doing that again.'
This despondent feeling every morning when the letter from Papworth has failed to materialised on my doorstep again has got to stop, as it really isn't doing my spirits any good.
I always thank my guardian angels every night for three good things that I have seen or done each day and it does keep me grounded, even if you are probably now thinking I've have taken too many drugs! But even if you don't believe in guardian angels, just saying out loud 'thank you' for that day's good things, it really does help you feel peaceful and I had lost sight of that.
Anyone that knows me, knows that I can be an angry person at times, so anything that can help me I'm very willing to try.
I'm not a happy clappy person, but I do believe that you get out of this life what you put in and being nice doesn't cost a bean.

Anyway, back to me being a bad daughter came after I had a very pleasant morning drinking coffee with Jean in my back garden, which is quite a suntrap. After Jean left, I wandered across to mother's to see her and spend some time with her as usual before going off to do some shopping for us and she had a 'woe is me' mood on her.
Now I realise she is 93 and has every right to be grumpy with life if she wants, but it was rather aimed at me about how lucky I was and as Maurice Chevalier hadn't quite kicked in yet, I found my blood pressure rising.
Now I am always arranging for my friends to mend things around mother's bungalow as I can't do as much now for obvious reasons.
I also try and take her out at least twice a week to Maldon for a picnic, lunch at a garden centre or just a ride, but it wasn't enough and she pointed out that I was always going somewhere or having something done for me.
Mmmm usually going to the hospital, but yes I am lucky with my circle of friends, but as I pointed out I was only 54 and I should be out enjoying myself if I can, while I can.
There was then some catty remarks from mother and some heated replies from me.
I really hadn't realised just how cranky and wound up I had been getting myself over this elusive letter, which ended up with me wanting to cry as I felt a real heel for being angry and frustrated with her.
We had made up before I left and I stayed with her an hour longer than I was going to, but I still felt like the worst daughter in history.
So today, I cut and blow dried her hair and promised to take her out again tomorrow down to Maldon, which she loves and she can wave to all the old boys sailing their model ships on the boating lake and again at night to hear some singer performing at the church who always made a fuss about her.
Treble helpings of humble pie!

This morning though for me was very pleasant as Reni and myself went to the 'Scarecrow Mania' day at the Congregational church to see all the various clubs scarecrow entries and there were some really amazing ones in all shapes and guises.
There will be some very glamorous fields around the village that's for sure!
It was good though to catch up with people that I haven't seen for a while over a cup of coffee and a slice of cake. And a real surreal moment was when a drink was served up to Reni's friend in a mug with a picture of Silver End school printed on it, which was designed by my eldest son when he was eleven which twenty two years ago now!
I also brought a lovely water colour of the church itself from a lady that I knew there to send to Reni's mum in readiness for Reni and Oliver first wedding anniversary.
We thought it would be an interesting talking point on her wall back home in Hungary when she explains to her friends that this was where her daughter got married in England.
It was a perfect community day in the village, as there was a plant sale outside the Co-op run by the Gardening Club and a fun sports day for the children at the school as well, so there was quite a lot of people milling about to catch up with. And the sun was shining bonus!

So I will have lots of things to say thank you for again tonight and all negative thoughts were nearly banished today thankfully.

Lots of love Debbie x