Patience is very hard work

A late finish last night for me, in fact it was nearly 2.30am again before I actually felt ready for sleep. I can't remember falling asleep at all yesterday in the afternoon, so I'm not sure why sleep eluded so well last night, but I have a sneaky feeling that waiting for this letter from Papworth is in the back ground and playing games with my subconscious.
Needless to say I didn't get up very early, in fact I just laid there listening for ages. I listened to the birds singing outside, the neighbours cutting back the Russian vine's escaping tendrils on their side of the fence and a football match going on in the playing field behind our gardens.
If I'm feeling unsure of life, just listening to life going on from my bed is always a calming influence for me.

I had to take my mother out as promised, but she didn't want to go to Maldon as planned today, but out for a meal somewhere. I had to try and think where we could go without either of us walking too far and I settled on the one that Oliver went to last Sunday. We've been there before, but ages ago and it was good then.
And bonus we got to go past St Peter's and St Paul's church which was having it's annual flower festival this weekend.
Every year I promise myself that I will go after I've seen the bill boards advertising it on my way to and from work and I always miss it every year, but today we had to go past the church to get to the restaurant. Yay!
Quick detour and a quick look around the church on my own as mother didn't want to get out the car.
Two things I love are churches and looking at flower arrangements in churches, so I was a happy bunny. There is something so calming about contemplating flower arrangements in the stillness of a church, it was my favourite part of doing wedding flowers for friends and families when I was fit and able. I get a real buzz from it and I loved doing Oliver and Reni's wedding flowers last year.
My mind always has a habit of going to ten to the dozen and full of nothing of any use really, but when I was arranging the floral displays, I used to feel so tranquil and at ease.
It was the first time I have ever been inside St Peter's and St Paul's church, which is a rather sweet church in the middle of a field and I was not disappointed.

This evening mother, Reni and myself went back to the Congregational church to listen to the visiting Gospel choir. It was the first time that I had ever heard them, but mother was quite a fan of them from when she used to go to the 'Friendship Club' in the village hall and she really liked hearing them sing. Plus she had a real soft spot for the visiting minister and leader of the choir who also had a powerful voice and played the electric piano.
It is hard on my nerves sitting next to mother at functions like these, as she is rather like taking a naughty child out and you never quite know what she is going to say at inappropriate times. According to my mother, every man who smiles at her or is kind to her, apparently 'fancies' her and I was waiting for that little gem to come out in the middle of the 'Lord's Prayer!'
Luckily it didn't, but other little gems alas did, but we coped and covered them as best as we could and we were able to enjoy the service, come concert ourselves.
Blimey how the tables have now turned full circle.

I'm hoping that some of the two churches calmness has rubbed off on to me today and that this week ahead will be a bit easier for me.
I hate being so snappy. It does me no favours at all and all week I have been searching for something to help me calm down the anxiety I'm feeling inside me.
Stress equals shortage of breath, chest pains, getting rundown and ultimately bloody nasty chest infections that knock you off your feet and I'm too close to my goal to let that happen to me.
Everything comes to those who wait, maybe in my case thanks to the NHS and the Royal Mail, I might have to wait a bit longer, but it will come.

Lots of love Debbie x